This was amazing! The last paragraph, with the data storm, seemed a bit... I don't know. It just wasn't quite as good as the rest, but I can't put my finger on why. The rest of it was great, though! If that was at the library, I would check it out without question; if it was on a shelf at Barnes and Noble, I would buy it! The story has a lot of potential.
I don't think your writing was rushed at all. Maybe the part about the Data storm was a little too quick, but the rest was PHENOMINAL! Great work!
This is where my name goes
Yeah, true. It does go a bit fast. Add in just a bit more but don't slow it down too much. If you get too de_script_ive (and slow) you'll bore the reader and they won't get a chance to use their imagination. Still, you did a really good job.
I've come up with an awesome idea for a novel too!!I even drew a map and everything. For once I'm actually planning out what I want to happen.
Silver Drake
Thanks! I'll keep it in mind!
Hmm, I also find that my story goes along a bit too quickly. I'll try to edit this soon =D
