Over a Cup of Coffee - a short fiction for review 11 Months, 1 Week ago
Hi All,
I am a newbie and would be pleased to receive your comments on my 1500 word story - "Over a cup of coffee." I am writing the first few lines from the story ....
“Will it rain today”, Rick asked sipping down the coffee. “I think so. My husband called me sometime back and told that it is raining heavily on the east of the city. It may rain here. I don’t know.” Karen replied looking outside through the stilted glass windows of the café shop. “Okay.” The coffee shop was busy with people - some tourists, some daily customers, and a few new comers. A couple was sitting around the corner busy with themselves rather than with the coffee. A newly married couple, perhaps. An old couple was sitting in the next table. They were having their second coffee or may be third. They didn’t talk at all and occasionally glanced at the newly married ones.
“So finally in Paris”, Karen asked gleefully. “Yeah! ….. I guess. The achievement of something makes one so delighted that he becomes unsure whether he really wanted that. “, replied Rick stirring the coffee with more sugar. “Hmmm.” “Eight years – five countries. Life has been very tiring. Ah! Very tiring indeed.” Rick continued, now leaning his back on the wall. “Tiring and you? I cannot believe it.” “You have to.”
Rick didn’t want to continue further. He looked at the clock. It was seven in the night. He had a flight at two in the morning.
“So, still a bachelor?” asked Karen. “Yes.”, came a sober answer.
The old couple had almost finished their coffee. They were thanking profusely the beautiful waitress for her service. As the old lady got up, the husband took the coat and wrapped around her. It was getting colder outside. The lady placed a slight kiss on the starched lips of her husband. They started for the door, holding each other’s hands.
“Don’t they look beautiful?” asked Karen looking towards the old couple. “Who?” Rick quizzed unaware of the incident that Karen had been looking at some time now.
Re:Over a Cup of Coffee - a short fiction for review 11 Months ago
Very good, and it has some potential; most of the mistakes were grammer-related, a few fiction-writing-related. First of all, keep in mind that we don't know anything about Karen or Rick. You may want to work in some background information--for example, how do Karen and Rick know each other? What is their relationship? Why are they meeting for coffee? Whats going on with Rick and him being in Paris? You'll want to keep an eye out for things like this. Also, a few things were unnecesary, like the fact that the waittress was beautiful--unless you plan to bring that in again later in a way that makes that significant. The story has some potential; I think you could be a great writer if you worked at it.
May be would be a good place to working on.
