This are the first few sentences from a book I'm writing--currently I'm in the process of editing it. Let me know what you think. Would you buy this book?
Cathy groped wildly around the end of her bed for the ringing telephone. Last night, she’d tossed the cordless at the bottom of her bed, but somehow it’d disappeared in the middle of the night.
"On the floor, Cathy."
Cathy jumped and saw her dad appearing in her doorway, his shape silhouetted in the light streaming through the windows, a stark contrast to Cathy’s dark room. He stepped fully into the room and Cathy squinted against the light as she took the phone from his hand.
Let me know what you think. I read somewhere that good writing makes the reader asks questions, so.... do these paragraphs make you ask questions about what's happening in the story? Any other critiques or comments are welcome.
What part of "critiques and comments are welcome?" don't you understand! I've posted three story excertps/ideas and have gotten four reviews total. The whole resong I posted on this website was because I wanted to get opinions and critiques on my writing! PLEASE REVEIW!!!! I don't know why people haven't, but that's the whole point of this forum!
You mean where Cathy's dad says "on the floor, Cathy."? He is referring to the phone, which has fallen off Cathy's bed in the night and is now laying on the floor.
Ok. It doesn't say he picks it up which confused me, it sounds like he walkes into the room, then gives it to her, so since in my mind's eye he hasn't picked it up I subconciously thought he already had it.
