AUTHOR JONES DEMANDS YOU TAKE THE QUIZZILOGICAL: Are you a Writer or a Faker

If Author Jones had a donut for every time someone who said they were a writer yet couldn’t actually produce a single piece of writing came around, A. Jones could supply the entire New York police department. A.J. has heard statistics bandied about that there are currently more people who say they are writers than people who say they are readers. What do you say you are?

Take the Author Jones quizzilogical to find out if you are a Writer or a Faker. Answer honestly, with an open heart, AJ will know the difference.

1. If A.J. were to ask you what you enjoy doing most you’d say:

a. Writing
b. Writing, I think, well soon, right now it’s watching reality TV
c. Buying pens
d. This corndog is real tasty

2. When people ask you what you are/are going to write you:

a. Briefly explain the subject matter of one of your pieces or book
b. Go into great detail about a meandering situation that has no rhyme or reason and then say that honestly, “I should take a class first”.
c. Really, it’s just the fantasy of being a writer more than anything, they seem so cool, and smart and stuff.
d. Does my shoe look funny?

3. When people ask you how often you write you answer:

a. Three or four days a week for a few hours
b. I haven’t quite worked a writing schedule as yet
c. Does filling out a check count?
d. The stain on my napkin spells “oh”

4. When people ask you what form your writing takes you respond:

a. I’ve done some short stories, I’ve written a novella and/or a bit of freelance
b. I’ve got some poems I wrote in college, but I don’t think I want to write poems anymore, been there/done that, I think I want to write some stuff that really means something—stuff that will really make people think. None of that Bridgette Jones crap, I will write for thinkers, not that Bridgette Jones is bad, or anything—it’s just not how I ride.
c. I see white paper with black words…. Cool.
d. Do I have something on my back?

5. A.J. wants to know why you want to be a writer:

a. I’m driven to do it, I feel sad when I don’t, when I view the world and read books I get the urge to write.
b. I know there is a story in me somewhere I’m just waiting for it
c. You automatically get to be on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Oprah.
d. Time for my nap.

Author Jones needs you to add the amount of each letter you so thoughtfully chose.

Majority A’s. You ain’t no faker. You got it goin’ on. You’ve got a row of quacking bills to tails happening. The thing is that writers who write are doers; they get the work done and then figure out where to publish their stuff. The A’s have a plan, not always perfect, but a plan nonetheless.

Majority B’s. You are so close. On the cusp. You are the fulcrum, the purgatory between writer and faker. You could go either way. Don’t let yourself slump to Faker. Pick yourself up by using your automatic biological capabilities to rise, make a plan for this week or consider yourself weak.

Majority C’s. Ha, ha—you’re such a faker. FAKER. You are a writer in your fantasies—in your dream world—you are NOT a writer in world that subscribes to gravitational forces. “Poetry in College”, blah, blah, BLAH, BLAH—if you catch my meter. Stop pretending you want this, you don’t. Does that make you mad? Well, AJ does not pretend to be a parental or egg substitute. Writer is a verb, which means “action”. You’re only action is punishing yourself.

Majority D’s. Really? Hmmmm… those answers were purely for A. Jones’ enjoyment. Strictly for comedy purposes. Jones, A. does not know what to say to you.