No, the issue was that she sat in the corner of her mind while something her, yet not her, controlled her body.
“Oh, look who’s back, the Yani who wants to kill us,” red Loushee said.
“But we shouldn’t exist,” said turquoise.
“Shut it, living dead girl,” said yellow.
“Yeah! If ceasing to be is so great, why don’t you two volunteer first?” magenta asked.
In her mind, Loushee slumped down. She knew her faith in Reianna was well placed. The second she had seen that tiny girl walk into the waiting room, and then hold her own with a noble, she knew Reianna was her final hope.
Only a few of the other Loushees were left on her side. Somehow, “existing” but never getting control was better than rejoining or fading away from existence.
Now that Reianna had so proudly proclaimed that she knew how to fix her, the other Loushees would never let her be back in charge. Too many of them were on purple’s side.
If she had a head to shake, she would have shaken it. How had she brought herself to this? Why had she brought herself to this? She “looked” at green, the little 10-year-old Loushee, the first “other” Loushee. If only that little girl who’d actually existed could have known…
***
“Mommy, there’s something wrong with Mister Fluffs.”
Her mother’s eyes blinked open. “Huh?”
“Mister Fluffs.”
“Your bunny?”
Loushee nodded.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“He’s all black and gooey.” Loushee didn’t mention that Mister Fluffs had started turning black a couple of days before. She thought that’s just what rabbits did, but she knew he shouldn’t be gooey.
Her mother stiffened, then shot up in bed. “Go tell your father.”
Ice ran down Loushee’s back, and her heart froze. “F-father?”
“Yes.” Loushee’s mother got out of bed, even though it was only noon, and began dressing.
“Mommy?”
She looked at Loushee through the reflection in her mirror. “Today is a big day for you. Now, go.” Her mother returned to brushing on her face powder.
Loushee scampered out of the shack she and her mother shared at the back of the property. Two of her older siblings and one of her younger siblings were in the training field practicing with swords. Neither they nor their instructors paid attention to the girl running through.
None of the servants paid attention to her either as she ran through the mansion to her father’s study. Once she was at the door, she straightened her worn dress and rubbed her face, hoping that she got the dirt off of it.
After straightening her posture, she knocked hard twice, two solid raps like she’d been taught.
“Enter.”
She opened the door, stepped in, turned completely around, then once more faced her father and bowed.
Earless Jillina sat in one of the chairs, tapping a fan to her lips and staring at Loushee. The Earless’s pink hair was done up in a giant hive and looked like something a bird would want to nest in. Loushee knew better than to laugh at her “aunt’s” new hairstyle.
“Oh, look, Rodam. The whore’s child is here to see you.”
Jillina’s daughter, Franby, snickered, but Loushee kept her eyes on the earl. His head was still down, and he scribbled away at something on his desk. “Quiet, Jillina.”
The room fell silent except for the scritching and scratching of Earl Rodam’s pen. Eventually, he set it down, but didn’t look up at Loushee. Instead, he grabbed another one of the documents off the mound on his desk. “What is it, Loushee?”
“There’s something wrong with Mister Fluffs.”
“Mister what?”
“Fluffs.”
“What the Yani is a ‘Fluffs’?” he asked.
“Rodam! Language. Franby is here.”
Finally, Loushee’s father looked up. “That’s twice. You may hold the earless title, and I may be trying to put a new child in you, but the Yani kills that make this household an earldom are mine.”
Jillina bowed her head. “I apologize for my breach, Earl Rodam.”
He didn’t look at Loushee as he asked, “What is a ‘Fluffs’ and what is wrong with it?”
Loushee swallowed, but it still didn’t clear the weight out of her throat. “He’s my pet rabbit that you gave to me.”
“I gave you a pet rabbit?”
Loushee glanced over at Franby, who was mimicking Loushee every time Loushee spoke. “Umm…well, he’s turned all black and gooey. Mama said I needed to tell you.”
At last, Loushee’s father looked at her. “Where is it now?”
“Umm, in his cage.”
“Which cage?”
Loushee frowned. “His cage?”
Her father sighed. “Is it the one with black bars?”
“Oh, no, fa-Earl, sir. His cage with the silver wires.”
Earl Rodam stood, and a dagger appeared in his hands. Walking over to Loushee, he handed it to her.
“What do you think you’re doing, giving it to her?!” Jillina yelled. “Franby is right here!”
His eyes went wide, and he slowly rotated his head. “Be happy I’m not going to use it on Franby for your lip. Loushee’s birth may be low, but she is my daughter. She is receiving training. I will explain myself to you no further, woman.”
In her father’s hands, the dagger was a single-handed weapon, but Loushee needed both hands to hold on to it. Unsure if she was expected to put it in storage or not, she just held on to it as he’d given it to her.
“Come, Loushee. Take me to your rabbit.”
She nodded and then left her father’s study. Earl Rodam and Franby and her mother followed as well. Loushee wondered what was so special about Mister Fluffs’s condition that everyone needed to come.
Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.
By the time they got to Mister Fluffs’s cage, her rabbit was lying on his side, panting. There was a black ichor pooled around him.
“You waited till the last second there, didn’t you?” her father mumbled. In a louder voice, he said, “Get it out and put it in the black cage.”
Loushee nodded and finally put the dagger she carried in her storage. Mister Fluffs’s eyes followed her as she approached his cage. When she opened it, he launched himself at her and bit her hand.
“Ouch!” she cried and jerked her hand away. Blood poured from the slice his teeth made in her hand, and Loushee cradled her wound to her chest.
Mister Fluffs fell to the ground and tried to scamper away, but his legs didn’t work properly.
Sighing, Earl Rodam bent down and picked the rabbit up by his head and carried it over to the cage with black bars. Without ceremony, he chucked Mister Fluffs into the cage and closed it.
“Where’s the dagger?”
“In storage.”
“Get it out.”
Loushee did as she was told.
“Franby, you come watch, too. You’ve not seen this before, either, have you?”
“Seen what, Daddy?”
“The birth of a Yani.”
Loushee’s stomach dropped. Mister Fluffs? A Yani? Tears rolled down her cheeks, but she didn’t dare sob in front of her father.
Inside the cage, Mister Fluffs began rolling around. As he rolled, he looked less and less like a rabbit and became more of a black blob. It let out an ear-piercing shriek and launched itself at the bars, trying to get to Loushee.
The ten-year-old girl jumped, and her hands trembled. The thing in the cage was no longer a rabbit; it was a formless cloud. Despite being formless, it couldn’t narrow itself down to squeeze through the bars. It was still restricted by its size from when it was a rabbit and couldn’t escape from the cage.
“Mister Fluffs?” Loushee sniffled.
“Kill it, Loushee,” her father commanded.
The thing in the cage shrieked and battered itself against the bars, solidifying every time it did. Loushee took a step forward.
“Kill it, or I’ll let Franby have the kill.”
Loushee couldn’t see the thing in the cage as a Yani—all she saw was her bunny.
“Loushee…”
She had trouble seeing through the tears pouring from her eyes. Her hands and the dagger trembled in front of her.
“I’m going to count to five. One.”
She took another step closer.
“Two.”
She could feel Mister Fluffs’s soft fur on her hands.
“Three.”
Her hands felt the tug as Mister Fluffs bit off part of a carrot.
“Four.”
Mister Fluffs’s nose wiggled at her.”
“Five.”
Loushee screamed and stabbed the Yani in the cage. The Yani fell, and her dagger came back coated in black goo. Loushee vomited and fell to the ground. She felt like her head was going to explode.
“Pathetic,” her father said. She didn’t see him, but heard him walk away with Jillina and Franby following behind him.
When they were gone, her mother ran out from her hiding spot in the shadows. Kneeling down, she took Loushee’s head and laid it in her lap. “My baby, my sweet baby, you did so wonderfully.”
“Moooom!” Loushee cried.
Her mother kissed Loushee’s forehead, then put her hand to it. “You’re burning up. Are you feeling okay?”
Loushee shook her head. “It feels…head…hurts…”
A crunch in the dirt resounded behind them. “Well, if it isn’t the nightwalker, out and about in the middle of the day, but still dressed like a whore.”
Loushee’s mother extracted herself from underneath Loushee’s head and stood. She curtsied, as proper, but wasn’t wearing a skirt to spread out, so she just spread her hands.
“I greet Earless Jillina.”
It’s not Mom’s fault that’s what Father makes her wear! Loushee wanted to scream, but only a moan escaped her lips.
Jillina put her foot on Loushee’s arm. “She’s still on the ground?”
“I believe my daughter has interface fever.”
The foot on her arm lifted. “Hmm. Girl.” The foot toed her back. “Hey, girl.” More toeing. “Maybe you’ve just coddled her too much.”
“She has a fever, ma’am.”
“Isn’t she just nine? How can she have her interface fever already?”
“She’s ten now, ma’am.”
“Oh, well, you best hope that she doesn’t become a mage. I have no issue with killing the two of you to hide it.”
Loushee’s mother didn’t say anything. Loushee’s head pounded, and she just wanted the grating sound of Jillina’s voice to go away. Curling into a ball, Loushee covered her ears.
The next thing Loushee knew, she was lying in her bed.
“It’s interface fever,” the doctor proclaimed.
“How long will it last? She’s already been out a day,” her mother asked.
“Could be another two, possibly three. It seems like a pretty bad case.”
Their conversation faded into her headache, and Loushee squeezed her eyes.
The next time she was aware of something was her mother’s panting. Ah, Father is visiting.
There was another dreamlike image of her mother spoon-feeding her soup. Another of her mother wiping her with a wet, warm cloth.
And then, the headache was gone. Her mother was lying in bed with her, and light streamed in through the window.
“Mom?” a frog in Loushee’s throat croaked.
Her mother shot up in bed and wrapped herself around Loushee. “Oh! My baby!” she whispered and squeezed Loushee to her. Before Loushee could say something, her mother whispered again, “Jillina has men outside waiting for you to wake. Don’t talk.”
Loushee nodded.
“Do you have an extra option?”
Loushee opened up her interface, and her body went cold. Sweat poured from her, and her silent tears rolled down her cheeks. She nodded.
Her mother whimpered once and then pushed her face into Loushee’s topaz hair.
Appearance.
It floated in her vision like a curse. The man outside would tell Jillina. Jillina would force Loushee to show her her interface, or she would kill Loushee’s mother. Father would take away Jillina’s title, but that would be better than having a rival woman give birth to a mage.
If only Loushee could hide it. If only she could make it go away.
Loushee opened the option, and a box popped up, asking her what she wanted to edit.
Edit the interface! Make
The option vanished. Once more, Loushee’s heart raced. Did she really un-mage herself? She opened and closed her interface several times, but the extra option did not come back.
“Mommy,” she whispered. “I made it go away.”
“What?”
“It’s gone.”
The door burst open. Jillina came in, followed by one of the earl’s guardsmen. “Whore, you were supposed to tell me when she woke up.”
Loushee’s mother was off the bed and in a curtsy. “She has just awoken, Madam.”
Walking over to Loushee, Jillina reached down and grabbed her jaw. It hurt.
“Do you know how to make your interface public?”
Loushee tried to shake her head, but couldn’t in Jillina’s grip. “No.”
A blue interface popped up in front of Loushee. “Do what I do, child.”
Following along with what was shown on the interface, Loushee made hers visible. It wasn’t until Loushee had backed out into the main screen and Jillina saw that there was no extra option that the older woman let go of Loushee’s chin.
If there’s one thing I could edit…Edit it! Make her ugly!
The woman’s face in front of her warped and transformed. Her smooth symmetry vanished. Spots appeared on her cheeks. A large mole with a long hair grew in on her chin. Her lush hair thinned and faded, becoming a dull, pale green, and her once hair-color-matching eyes turned an off-yellow.
Loushee managed to hold her grin in. Her mother did not react, but the burly guardsman grimaced. He didn’t say anything, though.
As if she was satisfied with what she came to check, Earless Jillina stalked out of Loushee and her mother’s shack, and Loushee never saw the woman again. No one spoke of her again, either. One of her brother’s mothers received the title of Earless.
From time to time, Loushee ran into Franby at the training field, until a few months after her mother vanished, Franby died in a training “accident.” That’s when Loushee’s paranoia set in.
Wanting a way to monitor the other adults for her and her mother’s safety, Loushee discovered she could make a mirror a listening device, but she needed more than one. When she made the second, that was her first fracture: a second her. After that, there appeared a sweet, kind, older version of her, a her who reminded her of her mother. Then an always-angry her. Then more.
As the number of listening devices grew, the number of Loushees grew until she could no longer remember which one was the real her anymore.
A mental arm wrapped around her. “I know you’re doing what you think is best,” orange said.
“Am I, though? Maybe you should be the one left in the end.”
Orange laughed. “An old woman in a young woman’s body? No…I’ll pass, thank you. You’re the most stable of all of us.”
“So, you’ll support me?”
Pulling away, orange said, “I don’t want to disappear.”
Loushee shut out all the other presences. Of course, the only one on her side was depressed Loushee. The others believed rattling around in the darkness of a mind was better than vanishing.
At this rate, purple would hide them from Reianna for the rest of their lives. Loushee needed to do something. Fortunately, purple could be goaded. Goading her into confronting Reianna was Loushee’s last resort.