The so-called epic adventure quickly devolves into a hike through hell with the world’s most unbearable tourist. The heat is still stifling. The giant grass blocks the breeze, creating a tropical sauna atmosphere. We’re sweating buckets. Well, we are sweating. Nectarine seems totally immune to perspiration, floating effortlessly over the uneven ground.
On the way, the local bestiary tries to stop us. Cute of them.
A Rhinoceros Beetle the size of a tank blocks our path.
[MONSTER ANALYSIS] Name: Rhinoceros Beetle (Level 7)
[Statistics]
- HP: 350 / 350
- Attack: 50
- Defense: 55
- Speed: 20
“Let me handle it!” Chris shouts.
He slams down his [Worg Frenzy Totem] and charges the beast. The impact sounds like a high-speed car crash. The beetle is flipped onto its back, legs flailing wildly in the air.
“Finish it, kid!”
Chris brings down his sword. CRACK.
Nectarine claps, hopping in place. “Bravo, young knight! Such bravery!” the princess cries out.
Then, the switch flips.
“COME ON! GUT HIM! SHOW HIM WHO IS DADDY! OH YES, THERE IS GREEN GOO EVERYWHERE! I FUCKING LOVE IT!”
Chris, totally embarrassed, wipes his sword on the grass without daring to look at her.
Further down the path, a squad of Tiger Mosquitoes dive-bombs us. They're basically attack helicopters with hypodermic needles for noses. The buzzing of their wings is deafening.
[MONSTER ANALYSIS] Name: Tiger Mosquitoes (Level 7)
[Statistics]
- HP: 150 / 150
- Attack: 40
- Defense: 25
- Speed: 125
“Aerial target,” Kim announces.
She doesn’t even break her stride. She raises her Viper and fires three shots into the air without using the scope. Three mosquitoes explode in mid-flight. The last one rushes straight at me.
Bzzzzzt!
“Shut up,” I reply.
I hit a vertical home run with my Excali-Spade. The shovel strikes the insect with a satisfying wet thud. It smashes against a giant grass stalk, stone dead.
Nectarine looks at me, biting her lower lip, eyes hazy. “That mastery of the shaft… That brute force… You know, Garbage Man, among Minimoons, mating is often preceded by a display of violence…”
“I don’t want to know,” I cut her off. “Move.”
Hours pass. Four hours of walking, speed-running fights, and X-rated commentary.
Finally, the vegetation changes. The green grass yields to black rocks, glistening with moisture. The air grows cooler, charged with a scent of sulfur. A pleasant, volcanic kind of sulfur. A thick, warm white mist begins to roll across the path.
“We are here…” Nectarine breathes, her voice back to normal.
We emerge into a vast open-air grotto.
The sight is breathtaking. Before us lies a massive thermal lagoon carved directly into the white rock. The water is milky blue, steaming, and bubbling gently. But what immediately catches my eye is the high ridge of black rocks covered in giant ferns. It slices through the center of the pool like a scar, dividing it into two perfectly isolated zones. It's a divine natural spa, complete with its own privacy wall.
Far in the back, looming behind the veil of steam, sits the dark entrance of an immense tunnel plunging straight into the bowels of the earth.
“The Twilight Hot Springs,” the princess announces. “The entrance to my kingdom.”
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I look at the hot water. I look at my companions, currently coated in mud, Orc blood, and mosquito juice.
“Break time,” I decree, my voice trembling with raw emotion. “We're not taking another step toward the darkness without soaking our asses in there.”
Nectarine claps her hands, delighted, her long ears twitching with excitement. “Excellent idea! Thermal water is perfect for invigorating the limbs… and the vital organs.”
She shoots me a sideways glance, her tongue slowly tracing her upper lip, leaving absolutely no doubt about which organ she wants to invigorate.
“The pools are naturally separated by this rocky ridge,” she indicates, pointing to the moss-covered wall. “Women to the left, men to the right. An ancestral tradition to preserve modesty… although personally, I find modesty to be a hindrance to social life.”
She bites her lip, staring fixedly at the handle of my shovel. “Unless you want me to come scrub your back? I am very skilled at shaft polishing. I’ve got expert hands.”
“No thanks,” I cut in sharply, sensing a massive migraine coming on. “We're sticking to strict tradition. Chris, you 're with me. Kim, you watch the princess. If she tries to cross the wall, shoot her.”
Ten minutes later.
Chris and I are in the water. It's… indescribable. The heat penetrates my muscles, dissolving days of tension, aches, and trauma. The water is milky, soft, and charged with minerals that pleasantly tingle the skin.
Chris is floating on his back, arms spread wide, eyes closed, a blissful smile plastered on his face. He looks like a piece of happy seaweed.
I am leaning back against the stone edge, water up to my chin. I am just telling myself that life isn’t so bad, that maybe this dungeon actually has its upsides…
Ching!
A familiar, strident ringtone detonates directly in my cortex, shattering my peace. A pink window pops open right in front of my eyes, floating aggressively above the steam.
[Lilith’s Daily Challenge] Subject: Thought I forgot about you, honey? Challenge: Tactical Voyeurism. Condition: You must see the Sentinel (Kim) naked in the hot spring.
Reward:
- 2 x TNT of Love.
- 2 x Violent Surge Potion (Effect: Attack & Speed +500% for 10 seconds).
Failure: [Curse of Eternal Impotence] (Followed by painful spontaneous combustion).
I almost drown. I cough violently, sputtering sulfurous water out of my nose.
“Fuck…” I wheeze, equally horrified and tempted.
I reread the potion line. +500%? That is temporary God Mode. With a buff like that, I could probably one-shot the next Boss with a plastic spoon. She isn’t just ordering me to be a pervert. She is offering me demi-godhood for ten seconds.
It's diabolical.
I open the private chat with my Goddess. My fingers fly furiously across the holographic keyboard.
[Ben]: Seriously? This is your divine challenge? Do you have the mental age of a 12-year-old? I haven’t heard from you since the fifth floor. Not a bonus, not a sign of life. I thought you forgot about me!
The answer is instantaneous.
[Lilith]: Oh, do not be so jealous. You are not my only Representative, darling. I’ve got another champion, a real killer, unkillable, who is already on Floor 19. She demands a lot of my attention and resources. You, you are my “low-level” entertainment. I was bored, so I flipped to your channel. Come on, get to work. I want a show.
I snap the window shut, pissed off. I am stuck. If I refuse, my little soldier resigns and will never stand at attention again. Hell no. There is no way I am finishing my life with a useless decoration in my underwear. I would rather die! The problem is, if I go through with it, I risk dying with a sniper bullet right between the eyes.
I look at Chris. He is snoring lightly, a snot bubble expanding at his nose. He is fast asleep.
I slip out of the water with the stealth of an obese otter. I wrap my yellow vest around my waist as a makeshift towel, and drop to the ground.
“Hey, kid,” I whisper, just covering my bases. “I am going to… find a quiet spot. Nature calls. Don’t move.”
“Mmh… OK… mommy…” he mumbles in his dream.
I move away.
As soon as I am out of sight, I switch to Solid Snake mode. I drop to all fours in the warm mud, crawling slowly through the giant ferns separating the two pools.
I am silent. I am methodical. I tap into the stealth skills I forged back on Floor 3. I control my breathing. I place my hands and knees with surgical precision to avoid snapping a single twig. Every movement is calculated.
I am a shadow. I am the wind.
I am completely pathetic.
I am a 40-year-old former CEO, crawling through the mud to go peep on a 26-year-old girl under the direct orders of a demoness. My dignity died a long time ago, but right now, I am aggressively tunneling into rock bottom.
I reach the top of the rocky ridge. I smell soap. Probably a shop item. I see the steam from the pool of the girls rising into the cavern sky.
I am almost there. I am just going to take a quick peek, a micro-flash just long enough for the System to validate the quest, and then I am running back before Kim lines up my skull in her crosshairs.
I inch forward, gently pushing aside a giant leaf as wide as a parasol.
“There you are…”
The voice doesn’t come from the pool. It doesn’t come from far away. It comes from directly in front of me.
I look up.
Nectarine is there. Standing. Right in front of my nose.
She is stark naked. Water streams down her copper skin. And since I am on all fours, my face is hovering at exact crotch height. Centimeters away. A highly detailed anatomy is on full display in glorious ultra-high definition. My brain can’t help noting that it's objectively magnificent, a true masterpiece of 3D modeling.
I freeze, momentarily paralyzed by the beauty… and then instantly paralyzed by the absolute horror of the situation.
She looks down at me. Her princess face vanishes. Her features sag, her skin takes on a grayish tint, and her eyes turn completely porcine. It reminds me of those viral “before/after” videos where a girl wipes off three pounds of foundation, fake lashes, and filters, and you realize with mounting horror that underneath, she is actually a fifty-year-old trucker tired of life.
All the magic of the moment evaporates. It's the most violent turn-off in human history.
“I knew you would come, my little piglet!” she chuckles, her voice dripping with guttural lust. “You wanted to see the goods? You wanted to taste the forbidden fruit? Mama was waiting for you!”
She grabs my head with both hands using titanic strength. I don’t even have time to react. She yanks forward sharply, smashing my face directly between her legs, mashing my nose and mouth against her crotch.
“COME HERE! LET ME SHOW YOU THE KINGDOM BELOW!”
“NO! LET ME GO!” I scream, struggling like a devil in holy water.