***

  Spent the night playing dream video games.

  [Training.]

  'Yes, yes training.'

  Mostly running through Major Roger Williem's memories. One thing I have come to notice is there's no such thing as a fair gun fight. Roger grew up in a time when people engaged in gun duels. Real high noon shit. He attests to the reason that he survived long enough to be subsumed into the Gestalt was that he never engaged in one of these duels. Much preferring to 'kill a man in his sleep when he can't shoot you back.'

  Yeah Roger is a real piece of work. But still alive. Kinda.

  He never stays out of the Gestalt long, just enough to set up one of his battles and give me some pointers. From there Gestalt and I ran through the scenario a bunch.

  In the first scenario I was stuck in a barn. Three men with rifles approaching, looking to do violence. First few tries I get fucked up pretty quick. Luckily I don't really feel pain in a dream.

  The problem was that I was trying to fight too fair. Taking them out in a stand up fight. Blasting from behind a wagon or hay bale. Which do not stop bullets by the way.

  The first time I was successful I 'cheated'. I buried myself in hay, waited for the three of them to pass me, and then shot them in the back. Easy win.

  Never fight fair, this was the message that was drilled into me. If you have an advantage, press it till the other side is dead. If you are at a disadvantage, figure out a way to cheat.

  We couldn't dream game…

  [Train.]

  …All night, as Gestalt said my brain also needed to complete other cycles of sleep for it to maintain a healthy state.

  ***

  "Do not fucking laugh." Was the first thing that Lillian whispered to me. First time I saw her out of trousers. She had been stuffed into a full cotehardie. That's what the handmaidens called it anyway. Imagine a jacked out Maid Marian. Yes, the Disney hot fox one. Yes she confused me too.

  "I wouldn't say a word." I smirked, I was still in my Victorian drip. I guess the fact I was wearing a skirt saved me. Though everyone here was treating Maria with even more reverence than normal. So I imagine that also played a role. No one is commenting on the emperor's kids' clothes. Ward, whatever.

  It's less than two weeks and I'm already feeling like part of the family. Worse than that, I want to be part of Maria's family. I want to be her kid. I'm feeling a fair amount of guilt about that. It's like I abandoned my mum the first chance I got. Yeah we didn't always see eye to eye, or even understand each other. But I did love her. She was my mum.

  She must be a wreck now. I wonder if they have had my funeral yet? Or if they are thinking I've been kidnapped or something. Fuck, now I've made myself sad.

  "You alright Tans?" Lillian picked up my vibe.

  "Yeah, totally." I said.

  She doesn't believe me at all. I can tell. Of course in true irreverent Lillian fashion, she demolishes whats in front of her by fucking with it. "So have you met Matilda?" She gestures to her handmaidens standing next to her. The one who is overtly eye fucking me. "I've told her alllll about you."

  I pick the worst friends.

  [Hey.]

  'Not you. You are the best terrifying brain slug buddies a girl could have.'

  [Not a brain slug, finger nail.]

  "Hello Matilda." I greet her politely. "It's nice to meet you." Because when in doubt it’s best to be polite.

  "The pleasure is all mine." The handmaiden said, taking my hand. I didn't offer it by the way. Forward much. She gave a little bow, masking the fact she raised my hand to her lips. Fuck.

  Lillian bit back a giggle and Matilda had a wicked look in her eye. I was as red as a tomato. I'm pretty sure the two of them are thick as thieves and are just fucking with me, but god damn. I've been away from earth for two weeks and I've gotten more action than I did in the previous seventeen years. Penny flashed to my mind, maybe I'm just less blind now.

  I pull my hand back and mutter a "Thanks." Fuck, I have no idea how to handle these forward bitches.

  "Maria is going to be busy all day setting up the rift." I inform Lillian. "What do you want to do?"

  "What I want to do is ditch this castle, go race some horses or go to town and get fucked up. What we have to do is have lunch with my mother." She grimaced. "I'm hoping the fact I am bringing such a fine upstanding friend like yourself will ward off some of the disappointment that my mother likes to lather me with."

  "I really feel like you are overselling me."

  Lillian starts counting off points on her finger tips. "Pretty, well dressed, educated, basically a princess of the most powerful trading city in the known realms."

  I flipped her the bird. "I am not a princess."

  "You know I don't understand what that means right?" pointing to my raised middle finger.

  "Ugh." I give up. "Come on, where is your mother? I will be a dutiful friend and try to impress."

  We enter the dining hall. Banners of green and gold hung from the wooden beams stretching across the ceiling. Large wooden tables dominated the room. At the head of the main table sat the Queen, stiff backed and regal. First impressions, I felt like she was trying too hard. Maria didn't need to try. She didn't need to project power, because she had power to project. Which would then project you into the stratosphere.

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  The Queen rolled her eyes at Lillian. "It's wonderful to see you actually wearing something appropriate o'daughter of mine." I can hear the sneer in her tone. I'm honestly a little shocked. I haven't been in this strange new world long, and maybe I'm missing something. But my understanding is Lillian is on track to being one of the most powerful entities in the known realms. Seems foolish to stress that relationship. At best Lillian never returns and leaves this kingdom to rot. At worst this castle becomes a crater. Memories of Maria bisecting a train carriage come to mind.

  "Wonderful to see you too, mother." Lillian bites back with equally undisguised venom.

  "Please do introduce your new friend."

  "Mother, please welcome Tangerine Stone. Ward of Maria Rockwood. Friend and one of my future classmates."

  "Ah yes, the aberrant." Holy fuck lady, what is your problem? "Why am I not surprised that this would be what you bring home." Fuck this bitch, I'm going to crater this castle myself.

  I give Lillian my best 'what the fuck' look. She just gives me the smallest of shrugs in response.

  "Mother, Lady Maria is still the dean of the Academy."

  "For now." The Queen snips back. What the fuck is that meant to mean?

  I'm at a total loss. I have no idea how to handle such open hostility. I would normally default down to snark, but Maria is busy and I don't want to rock the boat and make things difficult for her. But what if it's my place to defend her honour? Not that Maria needs defending, fuck the castle, she could probably flatten the country if she wanted too.

  "Thank you for inviting us to dinner, Queen Westseria." I said, when in doubt, be polite.

  "At least this friend has manners. All of you sit." I can see Lillian's knuckles go white as she squeezes her hands into fists.

  We all sit and proceed to have the most awkward dinner you can imagine. Double so for me because the handmaiden will not stopped eye fucking me from across the table. I swear she is eating suggestively.

  "Tell me Tangerine. How are you finding our realm?" Said the Queen.

  "It's very beautiful." I start.

  "Yes I can imagine this realm is much more pleasant than the noisy bloated City that you have been staying at."

  Alright, fuck this bitch. "Oh yes, this realm truly does have a quaint rustic charm. It's wonderful to see that realms unspoilt by human progress still exist."

  I hear a choking sound come from Lillian.

  The Queen's eyes narrow. "Here in Arthurian we maintain our traditional values. People here know their roles in life and uphold that honour."

  Holy shit this is jealousy isn't it.

  "It disappoints me to see that my daughter is still associating with unmarried women pretending to be heroes." Hah, she thinks I'm the bad influence. Why, though? I've been here less than two weeks.

  [We believe that she is not really talking to you. She seems to be having a conversation with Lillian, through you.]

  "Mother please." Lillian tried to step in.

  "Do not Mother me. You should have been married to Lord Balin by now. The family line should have been continued."

  "Mother the man was an oaf. He would have had me locked up in that stone shed he called a castle, using me as nothing more than a broodmare."

  The queen slammed the table. "AS WAS YOUR DUTY." She lowered herself back into her chair and tapped the side of her mouth with a napkin to recover some decorum. "It was your duty to obey. To pass your talents to your sons so that they could take up the mantle of Rift Walkers and bring honour to our house. But instead you shame us by shunning your betrothed and taking a mantle that does not belong to you."

  'Gestalt, can I just shoot this bitch?'

  [While satisfying, we would advise against it.]

  I can feel Lillian start to cycle mana. "Hey Lillian." I said, a little panicked. "Maybe there will be a time for that route in the future. But we aren't there yet, okay?."

  "Yes, listen to your little sappist city slut." Said the Queen.

  Excuse-fucking-me?! I spin my core up and suck all the mana out of the room, then dump it as hard and fast as I can. An utterly useless way to use mana, but you can feel the dump in the bottom of your stomach. Feels like being hit with the biggest, nastiest sub-woofer you can imagine.

  Chekhov is in my hand. I'm not pointing it at anybody yet. "I'm sorry." I said quietly, turning to the queen, who looked like she might of shit herself. "I believe I misheard you? Would you mind repeating yourself." I kinda wished I hadn't pulled the gun out of my Domain, that just kind of happened. I wasn't looking to cause a diplomatic incident here.

  The Queen recovered quickly from her 'I vacated my bowels' look. "I merely said." She tactfully continued, coughing into her hand to try and reduce the tremor in her voice. "I believe that it would be wise for Lillian to listen to her friend."

  I place Chekhov on the table. I really need a waist band or a belt to tuck it away. "Well." I said. "This has been a wonderful lunch. But I do believe Lillian and I have things to attend too. I do hope it won't be too much of an imposition if we leave early?"

  "I understand that you are both busy women. I won't keep you." The Queen said, I barely heard her stammer.

  I pick up my gun, stand tall and walk out of the hall. Lillian followed, looking at me with stars in her eyes. "Holy fuck Tans. I didn't know you had it in you. I think my mother might have pissed herself. Hell, I almost pissed myself. How did you dump that much mana so fast?"

  "My core is kind of wacky, all the power but none of the control."

  "Still completely insane, fuck. Nobody has ever talked to my mother that way before. I'm actually kind of wet. Maybe I should give the whole sappist thing another go."

  "Fuck off." I laugh at her. Her handmaiden just gives her a dirty look.

  ***

  I of course went and reported the whole incident to Maria. Who's only response was to thank me for not shooting the Queen. So Luckily, it didn't seem like I overstepped my bounds too badly. Although, I do know there were better ways to handle the situation. I shouldn't have let my anger get the better of me.

  I spent the rest of the day fucking around with Lillian. She tried to get me on a horse but there was zero chance of that happening. I don't trust horses.

  Maria did stabilize the portal, but it had gotten quite late, so we decided to head off in the morning. I didn't see the Queen again, or the rest of Lillian's family. Probably for the best.

  Once I turned in for the night there was a knock at my door. I really didn't want to get out of bed now that I was snug and warm. Castles are fucking freezing at night. But I suck it up and run to open my chamber door. Outside was Matilda the handmaiden.

  "It's cold in the castle at night. Do you need your bed warmed up?"

  Holy fuck. I freeze. Fuck I haven't done any training to handle this situation!

  She takes my silently holding the door open as approval, slips past me and into my bed.

  I just mechanically follow.

  I slip under the covers and she immediately wraps herself around me. "For warmth." She said, with a slight giggle.

  I just lay there as stiff as a board. I have no idea what to do now.

  "It's okay." She said, "We won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

  "Can..." I start. "Can we just stay like this?" I chicken out of doing anything like an absolute wuss.

  She nods and gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Of course."

  After about twenty minutes I hear her gentle snores.

  I didn't sleep for the rest of the night.

  ***