"Sucks that we got imprisoned here, doesn't it, my Overlord?" said the muffled voice of none other than Stelas Stelford, the severed head in a burlap sack tied to the side of the beautiful, black and white speckled horse, Lugano.

  ['Lugano the Horse' doesn't like you]

  The Overlord sighed. Of course Isabelle's stolen steed, Lugano the Horse, didn't like him. And yet here he was, the Overlord, imprisoned under his old alias of Zakaroth the Blade-Souled thanks to that damned Emperor. He was in a godsdamned cell. He hated cells. They were always so small and so... prisony. And there was no loot. He looked around the cell, but all he saw were some straw on the floor, and a bucket for... well, you know. And the walls were made of stone. Big, boring, unlootable stone. He sighed again.

  "Stop sighing," said a guard from outside the cell. "You're giving me a headache."

  "Suck my Overlordly dick," said the Overlord.

  The guard laughed. "That's what the last one said. Right before the Emperor put him in the soup. You're lucky you're not soup, Zakaroth."

  [Speech attempt: Intimidate]

  "My name is The Overlord, you insolent cur!" said the Overlord. "Zakaroth is dead and gone, as are the blades that burned in his soul."

  [Speech failed]

  ['Lugano the Horse' doesn't like you]

  "Sure it is," said the guard. "And I'm the Arch-Mage of the Western Hemisphere. Now shut your trap before I shut it for you."

  The Overlord slumped against the wall, his rage simmering. He hated being powerless. He hated being contained. He hated this cell. He hated this guard. He hated the Emperor. He hated this stupid alias, Zakaroth, which kept coming back to haunt him like a bad case of the crabs. He looked at his hands. They were still muscular, still powerful. He could still feel the thrum of the system in his veins. But it was muffled, muted. Like a song played through a wall.

  "Hey, head-in-a-bag," the Overlord said to Stelas. "You still have access to your inventory, right?"

  "Yes," said Stelas's muffled voice. "Why do you ask?"

  ['Lugano the Horse' doesn't like you]

  "Because I need you to get me something," said the Overlord. "I need you to get me my... escape plan."

  "Your escape plan?" said Stelas, a note of suspicion in his voice. "You have an escape plan? I thought you were just going to rage your way out of here. Or whine at the guards until they get so annoyed they let you go."

  "That was Plan A," said the Overlord. He cackled. "This is Plan B. And Plan B is much, much better."

  "What is Plan B?" said Stelas.

  "You'll see," said the Overlord with a smirk. "Now, open your inventory and look for something called 'The Orb of Unfathomable Destruction.'"

  "I don't think I have that," said Stelas.

  "Just look," said the Overlord.

  ['Lugano the Horse' doesn't like you]

  "Well, would you believe that," said Stelas. "I did have an Orb of Unfathomable Destruction in my inventory. How'd that happen?"

  "I stashed it in there when we were living in that dragon's hoard," said the Overlord with a smile. "I'm so damned clever, by the fucking gods I'm an Overlord AND a genius. This whole 'imprisonment' is simply a temporary setback. A minor inconvenience."

  "And what does this Orb of Unfathomable Destruction do?" said Stelas.

  "Well, for starters, it unfathoms destruction," said the Overlord. "Now, quit your yapping and give me the damned thing!"

  "Fine. Whatever you say, Overlord," said Stelas.

  [Take 'The Orb of Unfathomable Destruction' from party member 'Stelas Stelford'?]

  [Y/N]

  The Overlord thought yes with a menacing inner tone.

  ['Orb of Unfathomable Destruction, The' equipped]

  The Overlord held a beautiful, crystal orb in his right hand. Staring at it, the Overlord realized he actually didn't know what it did, either. He had known, way back when, but presently he'd all but totally forgotten it. So, the Overlord focused on the Orb and thought, 'Learn more.'

  Item: Orb of Unfathomable Destruction, The

  Description: This strange, beautiful orb hums with a power that can only be described as unfathomable. When held, it fills the user with a sense of... something. Something big. And destructive.

  Effect: Upon activation, the Orb of Unfathomable Destruction will... well, it will do something. Probably. There's no manual.

  WARNING: This item is of unknown origin and its effects are unpredictable. Use with extreme caution.

  "Huh," said the Overlord. "That's not very helpful."

  "I thought you said you knew what it did," said Stelas.

  [Speech attempt: deceive]

  "I do," said the Overlord. "I just... forgot the specifics. But I'm sure it's great. Now, be quiet. I need to concentrate."

  [Speech had mixed results]

  "Sure you do, Overlord," said Stelas. "Sure you do."

  The Overlord gripped the Orb tightly and focused his power, his will, his rage into it. He thought, 'Activate!'

  [Orb sequence activated]

  A loud hum resonated through the cell.

  "What the hell is going on?" said the guard.

  The Orb began to glow, brighter and brighter, the light pulsating in a hypnotic rhythm. The Overlord could feel the power surging through him, a wild, untamable force that made him feel alive, made him feel like a god.

  "What's happening?" said Stelas.

  "Shut up," said the Overlord through gritted teeth. He was trying to control the power, to direct it, to use it to break down the walls of the cell, to shatter the bars, to unleash a wave of pure, unadulterated destruction upon the Emperor and his whole damned palace.

  And in a flash, everything was gone.

  The cell, the guard, the dungeon, the palace, the city, the world. It was all gone. The Overlord was floating in a void of pure white light, the Orb still clutched in his hand. He was alone. Utterly and completely alone.

  And then, he heard a voice.

  "You have got to be the most incompetent being I have ever had the misfortune of observing," said the voice.

  The Overlord spun around, but there was no one there. Just endless white.

  "Who's there?" said the Overlord. "Show yourself!"

  "I am already 'showing myself,' you imbecile," said the voice. "I am everywhere. I am everything. I am the system you so recklessly modded. I am the architecture of reality you so cavalierly fractured. I am the reason you are currently floating in a non-existent space after activating an item you had no business touching."

  The Overlord's mind reeled. The system? It was alive? And it was talking to him?

  "Wait a minute," said the Overlord. "You're the system? The actual system? Then you're the one who's been giving me all these shitty, undocumented effects? The one who keeps telling me how much Lugano the Horse doesn't like me?"

  "No," said a familiar satyr as he sauntered up to greet the Overlord. "I'm just fucking with you."

  "Tylos! Again with your bullshit! What the fucking hell do you want?" said the Overlord.

  "Oh, you know, just here to collect," said Tylos with a chuckle.

  "Collect?" said the Overlord. "You aren't my patron! You can go... You can go god yourself off a cliff for all I care!"

  "What the fuck is that even supposed to mean, Debbs?" said Tylos with a smirk. "Look, guy, I'm just here to hold you to my end of the bargain."

  The Overlord groaned. "NOW?" he said. "You want that NOW?"

  "Yes, NOW," said Tylos. "I'm here to take back my soul. And that Orb."

  "Go fuck yourself," said the Overlord. "That Orb isn't even mine. Stelas gave it to me. And it's clearly defective. Just like your soul."

  "Defective?" said Tylos. "It seemed to work perfectly to me. It unfathomed destruction, just like it said on the tin."

  "It unfathomed the entire goddamn world!" said the Overlord. "How is that 'perfect'? Seems a lot more like honey bunches of bullshittery to me!"

  "It's a matter of perspective," said Tylos with a shrug. "Plus, it did no such thing. The Orb's basically a perpetual flashbang. Try deactivating it sometime. Now, are you going to give me the Orb, or am I going to have to take it from you?"

  The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

  "Now that I know how to use it? Over my fuckedy fucking dead body!" said the Overlord.

  "That's the plan," said Tylos, and he lunged with a goatlike bleet of glee.

  The two clashed in a shower of sparks and a cacophony of grunts. The Overlord's sword met Tylos's staff, and the two were locked in a struggle of epic proportions. The satyr was fast and agile, but the Overlord was strong and relentless. The Orb pulsed with power in the Overlord's hand, and he could feel its energy coursing through him, amplifying his rage, fueling his attacks.

  [Attack dodged]

  [Attack dodged]

  [Stamina 99%]

  But Tylos was no slouch. He was a god. A minor god, sure, but a god nonetheless. And he had a few tricks up his sleeve. He summoned a swarm of locusts, but the Overlord incinerated them with a blast of fire from his eyes. He threw a bolt of lightning, but the Overlord deflected it with his sword.

  "You're getting slow, old man," said the Overlord with a grin.

  "And you're still a fool, Zakaroth," said Tylos, leaping back and raising his staff.

  "Don't fucking call me that," said the Overlord.

  "You're still a fool, Dhiurthu," said Tylos.

  "Don't fucking call me that, either!" said the Overlord.

  "You're still a fool, Debso-"

  "DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT EITHER! I AM THE OVERLORD! CALL ME THE OVERLORD DAMMIT!" said the Overlord.

  But instead of calling the Overlord anything at all, the spectral satyr raised his staff and unleashed a blot of blue lightning; he aimed it right at the Overlord's glorious codpiece no less.

  [Critical hit]

  [-69 hp]

  The Overlord groaned as he fell to his overpowered knees! That attack had really done some damage. Although his codpiece was thankfully intact, the Overlord's dignity had taken a major hit, as had his testes, which were terribly sore. He was certain that Tylos had intended that very thing. How cruel!

  "Get up," said Tylos, his staff aimed once more.

  But the Overlord couldn't get up. He was in too much pain. He was going to die. He was going to die in a white void at the hands of a goat-man. What a way to go. What a stupid, pointless, undignified end to a glorious, magnificent, and extremely powerful existence.

  But then, he heard a whinny.

  ['Lugano the Horse' likes you]

  ['Lugano the Horse' likes you!']

  ['Lugano the Horse' LOVES YOU!']

  "The fuck?" said the Overlord, in genuine shock.

  Lugano the Horse appeared out of nowhere, his muscles bulging, his mane flowing, and charged at Tylos. The satyr was caught off guard, and he went flying, crashing into the void with a yelp of surprise.

  "What the fuck?" said Tylos, getting to his feet. "You're supposed to be in the cell!"

  "I guess he's not any more. It's must've gotten unfathomed for him, too," said the Overlord with a grin. He was back on his feet, the pain in his testicles subsiding. "And he's on my side. See? I'm so fucking charismatic that even a horse who hates me loves me. I'm a godsdamned hero!"

  "You're a godsdamned moron," said Tylos, dusting himself off. "And I'm done playing games."

  He raised his staff again, but this time, the air around him began to crackle with a different kind of energy. It was darker, more malevolent. The white void began to shimmer, and for a moment, the Overlord thought he could see something else behind it. Something old. Something hungry.

  "You're not a god, Debbs. You're a snack. And I'm getting hungry," said Tylos.

  The Overlord could feel the power radiating from the satyr, and it was immense. It was a power that dwarfed anything he had ever faced before, a power that made the Emperor look like a whining child.

  [You are terrified]

  [Stamina 75%]

  The Overlord had never been terrified before. He had been angry, he had been annoyed, he had been frustrated, but he had never been terrified. And he didn't like it.

  But it didn't matter that the Overlord was terrified, shaking at the power of the satyr god. It didn't matter, because Lugano had leapt forward once again. He was huffing, and he was getting ready to charge!

  [Lugano activated Super Horse Strength Buff]

  [Lugano activated 420 Mule Team Borax Buff]

  Lugano got five times more muscular than before and grew three times as large. He stared down at Tylos and whinnied.

  [Lugano speech attempt: intimidate succeeded]

  Tylos was quivering, shaking, and full of fear. The Overlord found he was, conversely, no longer afraid of the goofy little god. The scales had been tipped. The Overlord was back on top. And he was going to enjoy it.

  "I'm going to enjoy this," said the Overlord with a malicious grin.

  "Please," said Tylos, his voice trembling. "I was just kidding. Keep the Orb. Whatever. Just, give me my soul back. Please. Let's just call it even."

  "Call it even?" said the Overlord, letting out a short, harsh laugh. "You shot me in the balls. You called me Debbs. You threatened to eat me. There's no 'calling it even' here. There's only revenge."

  He raised the Dreadful Longsword of Mana Destroying and Serious Bloodletting, the blade humming with power.

  "Any last words?" said the Overlord.

  "Please don't kill me," said Tylos. "I just want my soul!"

  "Wrong answer from a soulless, minor god. May you live endlessly in mediocrity," said the Overlord, and he lunged.

  [Orb sequence ended]

  The white light dissolved, replaced by the grim reality of the cell. The Overlord stood there, lunging towards a faint ghost that soon faded into oblivion. Tylos was gone!

  "Damned fool," said the Overlord, spitting on the cold, stone floor. "He'll never get his soul back with that attitude."

  It was not, of course, the case that the Overlord did not want to hold on to Tylos' soul. The soul of a god, even a minor god, was a great boon to anyone. It was especially a boon, however, to an overpowered player such as himself, and in fact the Overlord would lose far too many buffs to count if he lost possession of Tylos' soul. He also loved having the god 'on the hook,' as it were, although as this proved it seemed that sometimes Tylos had the Overlord on the hook, inexplicably or otherwise.

  "What the hell just happened?" said Stelas, still tied to Lugano, who was still very big and muscular.

  "We won," said the Overlord with a shrug. He turned to the horse. "You did good, Lugano. You did real good."

  ['Lugano the Horse' is indifferent to you]

  "Figures," said the Overlord with a sigh. He'd been worried that Lugano's prior affection would be short-lived, although he hadn't wanted to admit it to himself in the moment. It was clearly hopeless, trying to keep that vile player Isabelle's horse for himself, beautiful and powerful though he may have been.

  "Where's the guard?" said Stelas.

  The Overlord looked around. The guard was gone. The bars of the cell were gone. The door was open.

  "Well, that's convenient," said the Overlord. "Let's go."

  "Go where?" said Stelas. "Are you not at all suspicious, your Overlordliness, of how this came to pass? Why, I think it could be a trap! Could it not?"

  "Out," said the Overlord. "We're getting out of this palace, and then we're going to find that Emperor and I'm going to get my hands on that Gem of Eternity. And then, I'm going to cleft him in twain. For real this time. Can you IMAGINE the amount of achievements I'd get for offing an Emperor? Hell... maybe I'd even level up."

  "Are you sure that's a good idea?" said Stelas, seeing the Overlord scowl from underneath his billowing, shrouded cowl. Yes, it wasn't just the Overlord's cape that billowed automatically, now also his shrouded cowl billowed automatically independent of the forces of the air and wind in whatever location he was presently. "Er, not leveling up. It's just, I mean, he's the Emperor. He has an army. And mages. And he can make wine out of thin air. That's not a power to be trifled with."

  "I'm not trifling," said the Overlord. "I'm conquering. I'm OVERLORDING, gods dammit! There's a fucking difference, you know. Now, are you coming or not?"

  "I don't have a choice," said Stelas with a discontented sigh. "I'm a head in a bag tied to a horse." With this statment, Stelas emptied what seem to be an endless emotional weight. Not unlike the amount of weight keeping his inventory so terribly over-encumbered that his headless yet still-immortal body was all but a frozen statue in the middle of the woods out near Thres.

  "Exactly," said the Overlord. He strode out of the cell, his boots crunching on the broken stone. He was back in the dungeon corridor, but it was different. The walls were scorched, the floor was cracked, and the air was thick with the smell of ozone and burnt flesh.

  It was a mess. A beautiful, glorious, destructive mess.

  The Overlord loved it.

  "Looks like my Orb did a number on this place, even if it was just a flashbang," he said with a smirk. "Now, let's find us an exit."

  But as they walked through the corridor, they found that the way out was blocked. A massive pile of rubble, twisted metal, and shattered stone filled the passage, a solid wall of debris that stretched from floor to ceiling.

  "Well, that's not good," said Stelas.

  "No problem," said the Overlord. "I'll just... you know."

  He focused, channeling his rage, his power, his will into a single, explosive thought.

  [Destructive Rage activated]

  The Overlord coursed with yellow volts of electric power as his muscles engorged.

  "HAAAAAAH!" said the Overlord with a cry and a crack of his voice as he raised both hands and unleashed a huge blast of energy.

  [Mana 85%]

  Out poured the energy in a rushing torrent, flooding around the debris and charging it with energy. However, at the end of the day, the attack fizzled away and the debris was still there, unharmed save for being charred with a dark soot.

  "Gods damn it all to hell!" said the Overlord.

  ['Lugano the Horse' is indifferent to you]

  The Overlord looked over to Lugano, noting that the horse's buffs were clearly still active in that its muscles were huge and it looked ready to eat another horse whole. However, he also noted that the horse's head was pointed not at the path ahead, but rather, at a small, almost unnoticeable opening in the wall, a dark, narrow passage that was hidden behind a tapestry.

  "What is it, boy?" said the Overlord.

  Lugano whinnied and nudged the tapestry with his nose, revealing the passage beyond.

  "Huh," said the Overlord. "A secret passage. How original."

  "It's better than nothing," said Stelas. "Let's go."

  The Overlord shrugged and stepped into the passage. It was dark and damp, the air thick with the smell of mildew and decay. The walls were lined with cobwebs, and the floor was covered in a thick layer of dust.

  "This is disgusting," said the Overlord.

  "You're the one who wanted to come this way," said Stelas. "Don't blame me if it's not up to your Overlordly standards."

  The Overlord grumbled. He hated being wrong. He hated it even more when a severed head in a bag pointed it out.

  The Overlord grumbled. He hated being wrong. He hated it even more when a severed head in a bag pointed it out.

  They walked in silence for a few minutes, the only sounds being the echo of their footsteps and the occasional drip of water from the ceiling. The passage was long and winding, a labyrinth of stone and shadow that seemed to stretch on forever.

  [Continue down the passage]

  The Overlord watched the notice from his system and became immediately enraged.

  [Vigorous Rage activated]

  Once again his muscles swelled as energy coiled around the Overlord, of course this time it was purple energy since it was Vigorous Rage and not Destructive Rage. The Overlord had a number of different Rage-based buffs, each one having its own elemental tilt. Vigorous Rage was, of course, his favorite, accidentally or otherwise.

  "Are you sure this is the right way?" said the Overlord rhetorically to his system, his patience wearing thin. "We've been walking for hours. My feet are killing me."

  "I don't even have feet to be killing me," said Stelas. "Plus, you have boots. And they're magical. And you're an overpowered Overlord. You can't get tired."

  "I can if I say they can," said the Overlord. "And right now, I'm tired. And I'm hungry. And I'm bored. And I'm starting to regret not just staying in the cell and waiting for the Emperor to come back and taunt me some more. At least that was entertaining."

  "You're such a baby," said Stelas.

  "I am not a baby!" said the Overlord. "I am a grown man! A powerful, majestic, and incredibly handsome Overlord! And I demand to be treated as such!"

  "Whatever you say, Debbs," said Stelas.

  The Overlord was about to retort, but he was cut off by a sudden, deafening roar that echoed through the passage, a sound so powerful it shook the very stones beneath their feet.

  "What was that?" said the Overlord, a flicker of fear in his voice.

  "I don't know," said Stelas, his own voice trembling.

  The Overlord crouched.

  [Current visibility: 0/69000]

  The Overlord crept down the passage, which eventually opened up into a wide, spanning chasm the end of which the Overlord could scarcely see save for the small flecks of light reflecting on the dark, murky waters below. Underneath those waters, something powerful was shimmering.

  "Oh my gods," said the Overlord with a whisper. "What the fuckedy fuck is that thing?"

  Another wretched groan echoed.

  [Current visibility: 0/69000]

  At least the thing, whatever it was, hadn't seen the Overlord. Yet.

  And then, the damned horse did it.

  Lugano whinnied with glee.

  [Current visibility: 420/69000]

  "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR GODSDAMN MOTHERFUCKING PROBLEM, YOU STUPID FUCKING HORSE?" said the Overlord so loudly that it rung through the chasm with a brilliant yet irksome timbre.

  [Current visibility: 69000/69000]

  "Ah, fuck my life," said the Overlord, burying his face in his hands.

  A wretched rumble shook the cavernous area as the waters below shook and a long, lanky serpent rose through the air to greet the Overlord, Stelas, and Lugano.

  "What the hell is going on here?" said Stelas, markedly nervous for a severed head.

  "It's that fucking dragon I stole back in Thres," said the Overlord with a sigh as he looked up at the snarling beast. "I think it was called Frimri."

  "Frimri?" said Stelas. "I think that dragon is Tahsi Junior's mom, your Overlordliness."

  "Tahsi Junior?" said the Overlord, delirious with confusion, shock, and fear. "Who in the everloving fuck is Tahsi Junior?"