All of the words I’d used to describe my fellow travelers in that place—immaculate, glowing—failed to capture even an ounce of the impression she made.

  It was as if someone had taken the very ideas of perfection, beauty, and grace and somehow managed to distill them into one person. The effect her presence had on all who glimpsed her was like nothing I’d seen before, even in the slightly-too-crisp holographic form she appeared in.

  Here I was, standing among the most aesthetically perfect people I’d ever been around, and it was her they all looked to with awe. Her face, blown up to massive size, towered over them, raining effortless purity onto the adoring crowd.

  I groped around in my damaged psyche for some hatred to throw her way. She was the pinnacle of whatever repulsive logic of beauty and harmony this place ran on. It should have been easy for me to muster up some flimsy reason to decide she was my enemy.

  But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t find it in me to loathe her. I couldn’t even, really, find anything to feel about her at all. She was transcendent.

  I tried, as I often did when I found myself intimidated by someone, to picture her in a pedestrian, humanizing situation. Something mundane and everyday, like being strapped to a Pain Wheel while your screams are mapped for their “emotional tenor.”

  But my mind refused to even entertain the exercise. That sort of humdrum indignity was for the likes of Joe Six-Pack, not the physical embodiment of shining radiance I saw before me.

  I bounded forward, eager to get close enough to hear what she was saying.

  **

  Unfortunately, it appeared she was already wrapping up her speech.

  “Having now painstakingly explained the history, rules, and structure of this new world you find yourself in,” she said, “let me just say this...”

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  The serene faces of my toga-clad tormentors nodded along in perfect understanding. I’d have to grab the cliff notes from someone later.

  “You’ve all earned the right to be here. The Founders, in their infinite wisdom, have created a System which leaves nothing to chance. You are, quite simply, the most deserving of all people, and you are here because you belong. Let yourselves now enjoy the Garden for as long as you wish. Until you’re ready to Ascend.

  Maybe we’ll even see some of you in Xenyth. Until then, remember:

  Only once you have everything you want can you discover what you truly need.”

  Her perfect visage vanished into thin air. The crowd’s silent admiration turned to excited murmuring.

  A new visual display informed them that, in an hour, the Onboarding Festivities would begin.

  This lull gave them all, for the first time, a chance to get a good look at each other. Long hugs and teary-eyed greetings abounded. A sense of triumph pervaded the air. An atmosphere of peace beyond anything I had ever witnessed.

  This was terrible news.

  Sooner or later, this welcome wagon, this caravan of good vibes, was certain to turn its attention to me, and I was going to have some explaining to do.

  I skulked off to find a hiding spot, somewhere I hoped would buy me some time before being noticed by anyone. I spotted a small clearing just between the Lake of Endless Euphoria and the Touching Tent.

  There, I figured, I could take a beat and come up with my next steps—or at least dream up a decent cover story.

  My plan, however, hit a small snag when, almost immediately, I crashed into someone walking toward the main group. I shouted out a stream of profanity wildly at odds with the general tone of the place.

  I jumped to my feet as quickly as I could.

  The person in front of me didn’t move. She just watched me, lips fixed in a slight smile.

  She was different from the rest. Her toga wasn’t the standard lily-white, but rather a deep, otherworldly purple. She embodied the same eerie calm as the others, but none of the serenity. It was frozen in polite, servile blankness.

  She held a huge stack of fluffy towels and a bunch of grapes so immaculate I figured they must be a gag.

  I expected her to yell out, to call for the others. Instead, the moment she looked into my eyes, something in her flickered.

  Her face jolted into a passionate, exuberant smile. She leaned forward and whispered, her voice trembling, almost ecstatic:

  “He will appear again before you in an unworthy vessel.”