Chapter 22

  Both of my hands were busy giving attention to a furry friend. My left was petting the little eldritch pup on my lap, while my right was brushing Riff's glorious mustache.

  "You know, I'm really going to miss you once we finish things up here." I remarked in Riff's direction.

  "I'm gonna miss yinz too." The mustachioed sheriff blushed as he responded. I suddenly realized the awkwardness of the situation and tensed up.

  "Oh. I mean, I guess I'll miss you too Riff. I was talking to your mustache, though." The fact that I was being serious caused that poor little mustache to droop much more than it ever should. My insensitivity had caused my favorite mustache's owner to suffer. I awkwardly grabbed his World's Third Best Grandma mug off his desk and took a sip before reflexively spitting out the vile liquid. "Woah, that is the most disgusting coffee I've ever had!"

  "That's 'cause it's my spit cup." Sheriff Placeholder watched me put the mug back on his desk and desperately wipe my tongue with my graphic tee. Dalos growled at the mug, sensing it caused me pain.

  "It's alright little guy. That mean old mug won't hurt me anymore." I patted the miasmic canine's head. His growls disappeared as his focus turned to nuzzling the bottom of my hand. "So, Riff now that we got all of the important business out of the way, I'm sure you know why we're here."

  "Clay, what are you talking about? I explained everything to him while you were petting his mustache like a complete lunatic." Joan looked at me, completely bewildered. "Hey, Fishnets, are you sure you still want to tag along with us?"

  Tara's head perked up. While Joan hadn't said her name, she had clearly been taking a jab at Tara's fashion choices. "I thought it was kind of funny." Her voice came out barely above a whisper.

  "I don't know what I expected." She rolled her eyes before turning to Riff. "So what do we need to do to finish everything up? I would like to be anywhere other than here for obvious reasons."

  "Since yinz solved ev'rythin'. I ken start the countdown if ye like?" He stated as if we would automatically understand what he was talking about.

  "I know you said I missed most of the conversation because the rest of you don't fully appreciate a good mustache when you see one, but did I miss something? What's this about a countdown?" I looked at both Joan and Tara who shook their heads.

  "When yinz are ready to move on, I'll start the timer for yinz. Ye have two hours to tie up any loose ends." If I ever got back to our actual world, the first thing I would do is talk to someone from Pittsburg and figure out just how the heck someone is supposed to use yinz because I was fairly certain Riff and just started throwing it in when he felt his accent was faltering.

  "Yes, do that. Whatever you need to do. No offense Sheriff Placeholder, but I think we'd like to finish this up." Barely waiting for Riff to finish explaining, Joan leapt at the option to start the timer. We were immediately met with the familiar retro video game sounding trumpet fanfare.

  Congratulations!

  You or other players have completed the investigation.

  You have 120.00 minutes until the start of the next investigation.

  The timer immediately started to countdown while more messages appeared.

  Investigator (14Y has reached Level 4

  You now have 3 ability points to distribute.

  You now have 6 stat points to distribute.

  Please open your journal to distribute your points.

  Aside from realizing that whatever created these messages needed a thesaurus to come up with synonyms for distribute, I had come to another conclusion.

  My initial suspicions were correct. When explaining Dalos' increased level to Joan, I had realized that our levels had not yet increased. Either this world had an insanely unfair leveling system, or like many table top games the points would be given out at the end of the session. In this case, unless there was another mechanic I wasn't aware of, we'd be locked into our levels during the entire length of each investigation. If we met a force we couldn't overcome in the middle of an investigation, we'd have no way of leveling up to get strong enough to move forward. It was a truly sadistic way of running a game like this since one wrong allocation of points could result in being underpowered with no way of correcting it until the investigation was completed.

  There was a major loophole with the leveling system, and for once I had hit the absolute jackpot regarding this insane death game.

  "You're such a good boy Dalos. You're our little broken game mechanic." While Dalos didn't speak English, he responded to my kind words with pride.

  "What are you talking about?" Joan had already been confused by the information on her level-up screen, so my comments definitely went way over her head.

  "I'll throw this one to Tara because someone I know likes to always make her feel unwanted." I shot Joan a quick side-eye before turning and smiling to Tara. "So, I'm sure you figured out how the leveling system is laid out in the game. What would happen if there were someone or something that could level-up in real time without having to wait until the end of an investigation?"

  Her eyes opened wide at the question.

  "Whatever would be able to level-up like that would have a huge advantage. Everyone else would catch up to them immediately after the investigation, but while an investigation would be going on, they would get stronger and stronger while everyone else would be at a stand-still." She smiled enthusiastically. I was happy that I found a way to include her. While Joan wasn't entirely thrilled, she still seemed to be listening. "So wait... Are you saying you know of something that can level like that?!"

  "Of course I do. It's the goodest little pupper this side of Arkham." I patted Dalos' head. I'd been an eldritch dog owner for less than a day and I was already using goodest and pupper in sentences as if they were real words. "I still don't know what gives him experience, but he already leveled up before we finished the investigation."

  On top of Joan's aversion to treating Tara too kindly, I quickly realized most of her irritation came from my inability to keep important trump cards a secret. We'd literally just had that conversation before coming to meet with Riff, and I'd already put my foot in my mouth. Despite that, I didn't think it would hurt for Tara to know about Dalos. I already felt bad enough watching her stare longingly at the adorable puppy without being able to pet him because of the miasma. Having to be around a baby animal that cute without being able to pet them would easily be considered cruel and unusual punishment.

  "He's such a good boy! Can you give him some ear scratches for me, Clay?" Tara added. She appeared to be as excited as I was about the revelation.

  "Already ahead of you Tar-Bear." I casually tried out a new nickname for Tara while delivering her ear scratches to Dalos.

  "How about instead of purposefully annoying me, you actually help me figure out what all of this leveling up stuff means?" Joan cut into the cute nerdy banter.

  "I could help if you..." Tara's offer hadn't left her lips before Joan shot her down.

  "I was talking to Clay." Her voice was cold. While it didn't carry any malice from what I could tell, there wasn't an ounce of consideration for Tara's feelings.

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  "You're right." She responded. I recognized Tara's tone. It was the same way I spoke when I felt like nobody wanted me around. It was the voice of a person who felt they were nothing more than a burden.

  This one-sided animosity between Joan and Tara would need to be figured out quickly. The longer it went, the more we risked pushing Tara back into Raif's arms. It wasn't like I didn't understand why she would have no warm and fuzzy feelings for someone who had tried to have her killed, but I don't know if Joan realized how much her coldness caused collateral damage to me. More than anything, she was just trying to protect me from myself, she viewed Tara as a threat, and I was willingly putting myself in danger.

  Having the much needed conversation in front of Tara would only heighten the tension between them. So for the moment, I had to put that crisis on a shelf and try to do my best to keep the peace in the meantime. Making me be the person having to walk the tightrope of a complex social situation was like having Macaulay Culkin's character from the 1991 movie My Girl give-bee keeping lessons.

  "There are much nicer ways to say it, Joan. And Tara, thanks for offering to help." I gently put Dalos on the ground so I could stand up from my seat. I guided Joan to a corner of the office to help her understand her leveling situation where Tara couldn't overheard. "So what level does it say you are?"

  "It says I'm level four, and then it talks about points and leveling up abilities." Joan had opened her journal and was looking at her status page. At least, I assumed that's what she was looking at since it only showed up as a visual glitch if I tried to look.

  "Level four, so you are the same level as me. That means you have three points to increase levels on your abilities, and six points to increase your attributes." I casually explained to her.

  "Six points for attributes? What are you talking about?" As soon as our eyes met, we realized the confusion had to do with my unique set of mechanics. I was immediately thankful that I'd had this conversation with Joan in private so I didn't give away more than I already had to Tara. We shared a silent nod, and I continued as if I never said anything about six additional points.

  "I haven't actually distributed my points yet, so I could be wrong, but each of your abilities should list what level it is. If its level is MAX you can't increase it obviously, but everything else you should be able to. Some of my abilities say what increasing the level will do, and others don't specify. My Eldritch Tamer ability even implies that nothing new would happen until I reached level three." I continued to explain what I understood to be true. Joan nodded along, seeming to understand what I was saying. "I would guess that you could put one point into three different abilities, or as much as three points into a single ability."

  "So, you know my abilities. What do you think I should do?" I could sense the trust in her voice. While she had absolutely no trust toward Tara, I realized that Joan had seemingly unconditional trust in me.

  "If I had to spread them out, I would put one into Pen is Mightier for sure. It's your main offensive ability and you use it all the time. Then I might be biased, but Character Sheet would help both of us out. And the last point..." I ran through each of her abilities in my head. She really couldn't go wrong by increasing any of them, but I finally decided on what I felt would be the best use of her third point. "Critic. The more information we can see about other players and monsters, the better chance we have of surviving."

  Instead of giving a verbal response, I watched Joan make a few selections in her journal before closing it and turning to me. She hadn't even taken a moment to doubt what I'd said. Why did she have this much trust in me?

  I opened up my own journal to consider my own personal options. Immediately, I was drawn to the idea of using two of my points to give myself an extra familiar contract. As much as I anticipated relying on Dalos for the foreseeable future, it would make sense to add a second familiar to the mix. As I was about to make the selection, my gut told me to reconsider. So far I had no proof that Dalos would be effective in battle, I only knew that he was adorable. I also had no way of knowing that I'd come across another eldritch creature that would be near the same quality as Dalos. Giving up two of my three available points for a gamble like that seemed like too big of a risk.

  So if I didn't go with Eldritch Tamer, what were my other options? Out of all of my abilities, I used Pathfinder and Read the Room the most. They had been game changers both in and out of combat.

  Currently Pathfinder allowed me to create a path between myself and another point that I could see. Adding a level to the ability would allow me to create a path to a point in a place I had already been within one kilometer of my current location, even if I couldn't see it from where I was at that moment. For every environment other than massive wide open spaces, the change would be a massive improvement. I added the point into Pathfinder without giving it a second thought.

  For Read the Room, I was currently able to identify hostile targets within five meters of my current location. According to my journal, increasing the level would not only double the range to ten meters, but it would allow me to see a target's relative level to my own. The increased range by itself would be worth spending the point. I had some gaming experience with games that would let you see an enemy's relative level, so the concept wasn't completely alien to me. With a glance I would be able to see if a monster was much weaker, near my level, or way stronger than me. In a game of literal life and death, having a skill that could tell me when I needed to run instead fight would be priceless. So just like I did with Pathfinder, I added a level to Read the Room.

  That left one final point. From what I could see, I had three worthwhile options. I could add an additional level into Pathfinder or Read the Room. Or I could add the point into Parkour.

  An additional level in Pathfinder would create an alternate path when available, like with a GPS. I could see some uses for that, but it didn't seem like a major improvement.

  An additional level in Read the Room would allow me to see players' status pages. While this would be immensely helpful, it was too similar to Joan's Critic ability. As long as Joan was nearby, it would be a waste of a point to increase Read the Room's level to three.

  Parkour was always an enigma. Obviously, it had been my most practical combat skill for both offense and defense. Unfortunately my journal gave no indication what increasing my Parkour ability would do other than saying 'Parkour! Parkour!' whatever that meant.

  Weighing my options, I took a gamble and added the point into Parkour. My journal updated the ability, which now read:

  Parkour (Level 2)

  Passive ability

  Parkour! Parkour!

  Next Ability Level: Parkour! Parkour! Parkour!

  The description answered NOTHING, so I had no way of knowing if I'd just wasted a point. Once I got a chance to try it out, maybe I would get a better idea. Whoever or whatever created my abilities had a really annoying sense of humor. The irony of me making that observation was not lost on me.

  As for the six points I had earned to increase my stats, I didn't need to think too hard about it. With my current abilities, DEX was the most important stat. Overall, it would be smart to give myself a bonus to CON to make sure I wasn't always knocking on death's door. So I split it down the middle and put three points into each. The added points appeared next to my base stat, which initially confused me. After a moment, I realized that Joan's Character Sheet would reroll my stats at the start of each investigation. Any stat increases I'd make from leveling would be a permanent boost, while the remaining numbers would change each investigation. Essentially, it seemed to be a quality of life inclusion more than anything. So my current stat points looked like this:

  STR: 8

  DEX: 18 +3

  CON: 10 +3

  INT: 10

  WIS: 12

  CHA: 5

  When I had finished with my upgrades, I looked over to see Tara had already finished hers. I didn't expect anything different since she was supposedly pretty experienced in table top games. It would have been weirder if she hadn't already finished upgrading her abilities.

  Instead of that, I saw her pulling items out of her inventory and organizing them. I hadn't really given much thought to my inventory since I first arrived here in Marblehead. In most cases, I'd just reflexively shove everything I could occupying the inventory. After something was in my inventory, unless I needed it, I would completely forget about it. I honestly had absolutely no clue what was actually in my inventory.

  Apparently, I'd become quite a hoarder. There was significantly more junk in my inventory than anything even remotely useful. I had started making a pile of the random useless junk in a corner of the sheriff's office, which I assume Riff wasn't too thrilled about. I hadn't seen much need for collecting worthless junk to try to sell. It wasn't like in an RPG where every shop just pays market value for literally everything. Instead, this world was similar to the real world, where my grocery store would give me a very weird look if I tried to sell them an old shoe I found on the side of the road.

  After sorting my inventory, I made two discoveries of note.

  First, my beloved tonfa was nowhere to be found. Likely it was sitting on the ground of the settlement covered in Tindalos Hound saliva. It had saved my life, so I guess it had served its purpose.

  Second, I had an item in my inventory that I had never seen before. It was definitely something that I would have remembered picking up. The item was a wooden segmented staff. I could combine it to make a long staff and act like Donatello, which had been a dream of mine since childhood. The staff could also break into three segments connected by a chain. It would make it easier to carry while I did my awesome Parkour moves and impressed the ladies, but the chains also would let it work as some sort of nunchaku-style weapon. It would take a lot of practice until I would have the skills to use the more complex form of the weapon. The other interesting aspect of the staff was that it seemed to have some sort of layer of miasma around it. Essentially, nobody else could use this weapon unless they didn't value their health.

  Where the hell did I get that thing?!

  As I was finishing up organizing my inventory, I saw an item I recognized. It was the note about the groups of crows that had been left on the nightstand of my room sometime during the first night. If it hadn't been for Tara helping decipher the note, we would have never solved the mystery. She had remembered that a group of crows was called a murder, which led us to the hidden settlement.

  Wait.

  That didn't make sense.

  Sure, we had used the interpretation of the note to find the settlement. But in the end the actual disappearances that we needed to solve had nothing to do with the settlement. The entire side story with the curse, the townspeople turning into Deep Ones, and the settlement were all red herrings. They had only delayed our ability to finger the actual culprit, the Dimensional Shambler.

  So... Why did I get a note to send me on a wild goose chase?

  It could have very easily just been a tool used to lead us astray. With that god running things, it was likely they hadn't even given it a second thought.

  I glanced at the time remaining before the next investigation would take place.

  Just over forty minutes.

  I pulled out the note and looked at it one more time.

  Be mindful of the murders.

  What if it actually meant...

  "Hey Riff, I've got a weird question for you." He looked up from his desk as soon as I mentioned his name. "Does this town have a morgue?"

  "If yer lookin' for a morgue, yinz should check out the town doc. Townsperson #48." He answered me, but he was definitely confused by my seemingly random question.

  "Joan, Tara, Dalos? Are you guys up for a little field trip while we wait for the time to run out? I've got something I want to check out before we move on." I scooped Dalos' small body into my arms while I looked between the two women. Tara seemed hesitant, most likely from the thought of seeing dead bodies. I didn't blame her. Surprisingly, Joan's face lit up.

  "Out of all of your annoying expressions, the one on your face right now is the one that makes me least want to punch you." Joan smiled as if she'd given me some sort of compliment.

  "You really need to work on your flattery, Joan." To punctuate my point, Dalos barked in agreement.