I open my eyes, after i fell from my bed, and I take my phone to see what the date is , not caring about the time anymore, 4th March 2016, back to hell again, and after many times coming back in times I stopped repeating my mistakes, changed my university majors many times, and all of that because I didn't save a girl that have no connection's with!

  My sister Diana bursted the door open, and stared at me

  "Mom! Alaric is awake!" And then she continued "Get your ass up, we don't have so much time left"

  She left without closing the door, typical of her, I get up, and I went to get ready, and wondered how the next years gonna pass

  8th may 2018

  My friends,Jack and Samuel were chasing each other in the beach while im sat looking like im their parents, but im just tired of living, i want to age or to stop living, not going through cycles again, but i should be grateful because i have the opportunity to experience my youthfulness again however im sick of it, i closed my eyes and i listened to the waves to clear my negative thoughts, though im wondering why i die always when she get killed, i dont know if it's only a dream or something that my brain keep creating.

  “Alaric! We didn't come here to just sit!” jack called out, waving at me

  He's right, if I wanted just to sit I could have simply stayed at home, I stand up, and I walk toward them smiling at them, I should worry about the present despite experiencing it many times yet in different ways.

  After a long day we went back to the local, samuel was speaking nonstop about meeting his soulmate and being delusional, and i don't want to spoil his life, because he will meet her and they will live happily, and im surprised that even in different situation they were meant to each other

  Samuel smacked my back “i never saw you talking about dating or crushes”

  Jack looked at me “right!... we just noticed it”

  I shrug “im not interested in dating”

  “Dont you have a tiny crush on someone” samuel uttered

  I shook my head

  “Come on, we aren’t going to laugh at you” jack spouted

  I groan “i dont have crushes, im not dating, and i will never date or have crush on someone”

  Jack smirked “never say never”

  I rolled my eyes, i am not going to argue with them, and i already know how my life will be destined, i am uninterested in dating, and i want just to live normally, but i just have a feeling that i will die again and repeat the cycle again

  17th July 2021, we are outside of the building for a break with my co-worker Jason, he was smocking, while I was thinking that time is closer, and I might never break this Cycle and suffer again

  "Jason"

  Jason hummed "yes?"

  "I have a strange thought"

  He looked at me and he nodded me, waiting for me to speak

  "Alright, let's suppose there is a person, the main carachter, who go in the same Cycle even if he try to change the fate, but the end is the same" and i continue"like... a person he isn't related with, gets killed, and the main carachter end up dying too, and waking up again in the past, and going in the same Cycle even if he change his fate, that person will ruin everything like the life of the main carachter depends on that stupid person"

  Jason looked at me like he was surprised "Are you writing a book so you can quit your job"

  I chuckled, wishing if it was only a book, but this is only my stupid life, and no one will believe me if I say it

  "No, and i want to quit my job so bad, but i have no other choice"

  He chuckled as well, and he blow off he smoke "they were related, like in their past life?"

  I raise an eyebrow "You believe in past lives?"

  "A bit, and it's the only answer that came up in my mind"

  I pull back my hair "it doesn't make sense"

  "Just think about it, and it might be other theories too, but this one makes sense"

  I nodded, even if his idea it didn't totally convinced me

  "I'm going back inside"

  He waved at me, and I walked away, I don't believe in past lives, but this could be a reason too, i have probably to find her, but I know nothing about her.

  Months pass, the routine repeats itselft, working as an accountant isn't bad as working as a teacher, but working in general is bad in either way, finally I got to relax, and I don't have to hear now my menager yelling at me, or seeing people, I closed my eyes and I drifted away, I wish I could sleep without waking up...

  I open my eyes finding myself in a dark room, people's mutter, and a strange smell, my body was aching, and I looked around, a door got opened, and a soldier yelling something I couldn't tell what he was saying, I got pulled up by someone and dragged by them, I fully opened my eyes, and I know that we are prisoners, and we might die soon, but we somehow we are still alive

  We went outside and the person who was dragging me, pulled back his hand

  "You were going to get us killed" Noah mumbled, and he rubbed his neck, where it was also tattooed a number

  "Don't blame me, I was tired"

  He groaned and I looked past him to see a female soldier walking towards us, I smiled, I don't know her name, but I know that im in love with her since the day she defended me, she isn't meaner as the other soldier, and she stopped next to us

  "I hope I'm not interrupting your chat" she smiled at me

  I shook my head, and she frowned upon seeing the scars in my face

  Noah spoke "you didn't, and I don't think he wouldn't mind if you interrupted our chat, I'm leaving you alone" He left, and she immediately cupped my face "I'm so sorry if you had to get hurt, but I promise tonight you will escape"

  I touch her hand, and I shrug "you don't have to"

  "I have, so we can both live together next to the sea, both free, I would do anything for that"

  I kissed her palm, and I was scared to hug her "Alright... but be careful"

  She nodded and she stood with her tiptoes, and kissed my lip and mumbled "don't fall asleep"

  And she left, I was blushing, and I sighed, I want to say how much I love her, but I will when we are both free from this hell

  It was midnight, we 10 prisoners, waiting for her, we heard the door unlocking, she opened the door slowly and she placed her index on her lips indicating to us to stay silent.

  We all followed her, she was heading towards a secret portal, we trusted her but I was scared

  She whispered "Go in first then run, there are not soldiers outside, but you mustn't be reckless, i will follow you once you all left"

  I looked at her, and i nodded, the prisoners started leaving one by one, and when it was my turn I headed towards the portal, but I heard a stab sound I look behind my shoulders and my eyes widened, her being attacked by another soldier

  She yelled at me "RUN!" I think she stabbed him back, but she was stabbed in her stomach

  My knees felt week, I couldn't run, I wanted to take her with me, I don't want freedom without her, I was going to walk towards her, but Noah held my arms and he pulled me with him running

  He kept running, and I followed him, even though my heart was torn apart, we stopped, and he placed his hands on his knees breathing heavily

  "It was close-"

  I fell on my knees, and I stare blankly at the ground, I was tearing up without realising it

  "What's... the point of freedom now.. What's THE POINT OF FREEDOM NOW!"

  And then I woke up gasping for air, I pull back my hair, it felt so real, that face... it's recognizable, I didn't realise that I was tearing up now too, I sighed, I guess the universe just gave me a small hint, and I should be grateful for that

  26th august 2021, its a perfect day to lie being sick and go out for shopping, i was at the man section looking for a good shirts, and someone was next to me, I didn't care, but they tapped my shoulder, so i turned towards them, to look at them, it was a woman, i was about to speak but she cut me off

  “What do you think about this shirt” she smiled holding up a red shirt

  I raise an eyebrow, and she kicked my leg, i got annoyed, and I didn't want to start an argument with a woman, so i was about to leave but she grabbed my arm and whispered “please pretend with me”

  I felt like she was scared, like someone followed her, and i sigh, though i didnt saw something strange “its not bad”

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  She then dragged me towards to changing room and she brought me inside with her locking the door behind her and she avoided looking at me, i sighed and i spoke

  “Do you mind explaining”

  She didn't reply, and i wish i had the superpower of reading minds instead of repeating my life, and also this moment never happened in the last previous lives, not even meeting a random girl who will drag me with her into a changing room, and then i mumbled “does someone is following you?”

  She nodded, and my instinct wasn't wrong this time, so i say in a low voice “you can stay next to me, but call the police”

  She stayed silent, and she didn't even looked at me, she muttered “there is no need for calling the police, i will just stay with you”

  In that case I am not going to push further, she unlocked the door and we left. I went to buy the red shirt, even if it wasn't my favourite color and I hated it, I still purchased it.

  We were in my car, she told me to take her to the train station, it was a bit faraway, and I didn’t mind taking a stranger there, the silence made me uncomfortable so i opened my mouth

  “You are safe here you don't need to be afraid” i stated

  “Thanks to you”

  I nodded, and i just focused on driving not asking so much questions

  When we reached to the station, i stopped next to the entrance and she looked at me, her eyes were stunning, i realised that i didnt asked for her name but she already left, i let out a deep sigh, she didn't even bid farewell, i had never been bothered about this, but its the first time i see her…. Or perchance it isnt, i immediately realised that i have seen her face somewhere, so i immediately get off the car, running toward the entrance, even if i left my car in a place where im not supposed to park,i couldn't care less, i run at a full speed, hoping she didn't left, there was many peoples, it was hard to find her, and i forgot how she looked, i looked up at the platform display, a train was going to leave less than a minute, without thinking twice, i run, towards to the train platform, i was close, the train was still there, I stopped running, taking a deep breath only the train departed, i cursed under my breath, and i run along the train, expecting to see her, and i stopped, my legs giving up, i kneeled down breathing heavily, why am i suddenly caring about a stranger, it couldn't be her, its not like everything was going to change in this cycle, and even if it was her, i would fail saving her and we will both end up dying.

  In 11th september, i am going to turn 23, even though i counted the past cycle, i might have become an immortal, and I didn't care about my birthday, but my sister asked me random question, i know its her habit for asking random question which means she will buy a gift, but she do it on random days too.

  I went out for a walk, to clear my mind, and i was thinking about that day again, where i met her and i had a feeling she was the girl I’m repeating the cycles nonstop, i sighed heavily, and i saw a girl getting bothered by someone, i stop my tracks, was it the same girl, the same one who got killed? but that incident will happen after three year, however she was the same one who i met in the mall, i shake my mind letting my thoughts apart, and i stopped in front of that man, he looked at me annoyingly

  “Get lost, stop bothering her” i say

  He raises an eyebrow “who are you, and why are you interfering in something not your business”

  I didnt reply, and i just stare at him blankly, he wanted to look at her, but i blocked the view of her again, and he rolled his eyes and stepped back

  “You aint away from me, love” and he walked away

  I looked over her, and i was startled that she was the same girl from the mall, she avoided looking at me

  “Is that was your boyfriend”

  She huffed, and then she looked at me with a disgusted look “i have never dated someone, and even if i dated someone, i wouldnt date that type”

  I raise an eyebrow “was it that person who was following you at the mall?… if you remember”

  She narrowed and looked at me and then she tapped her head “yes. I remember you now! You are a saviour”

  “You should report him”

  “Its useless, and he’s the obsessive type, he thinks i love him, where i didn’t even been his friend”

  Thats was insane, i have heard this stories but not hearing from a person, it was also the first time

  “You can stay with me”

  She looked around "I don't want to put you in danger”

  I shook my head “don’t worry, your safety is important now”

  She smiled, and we walked together, we both stayed silent, im baing with her again, and i clear my throat

  “May i know your name… if you dont mind”

  “Why do you want to know my name? Hm”

  I wasn't expecting this kind of response “then i apologise for asking such a private question”

  She chuckled, and she looked at me, i was mesmerised by them again

  “You will tell me your name if i told you mine?”

  What a strange question, i hold back my laugh “im Alaric, now your turn”

  “Thats not fair” she stopped walking, and i stopped as well, then she spoke “im Jade”

  The name suited her eyes color, and i nodded, then she spoke “im suspecting that you are a stalker, or a.. pervert, because it is the second time i will meet you”

  “The last time, you pretended that you know me, so i must think the same about you”

  She laughed “you got a good memory”

  She didn’t lie, even if its a good memory it’s a curse, it can be a blessing for some, but a curse, i wont take it as a positive thing, because what the point of remembering everything if im incapable of breaking the cycle, she tapped my shoulder

  “Earth to Alaric”

  I blink “did you say something”

  “My friend is there”

  I looked where she pointed and I looked back at her “are you sure… i mean, you can go alone with her without that weirdo following you?”

  “Im fine, thanks for your worrying, and im glad that i saw you today”

  She waved and then she left, again, she didn’t bid farewell, but i found myself waving back at her, will i meet her? And is she the same one who i will meet after 3 years?

  My sleep was ruined by someone banging the door, i didn't want to check, but they kept knocking nonstop, I opened the front door, and my sister was looking at me annoyingly

  “Thought you were dead, I was going to call the cops, and who the hell stays asleep after 4pm”

  I opened the door wider, and she brought many bags “i was taking an afternoon nap” i lied, i stayed up the whole night struggling with sleeping, and it’s Saturday, so sleeping the whole day isn't a crime. I lifted back my hair “what you brought?”

  She didn't reply at me immediately, she placed them on the kitchen counter “figure out what is today”

  Right, my birthday, i forgot about it “you didn't have to come, im too old to celebrate my birthday”

  She smacked my back “you just turned 23, and you talk like you lived for centuries”

  I was stuck in a loop, so in fact i lived over for a century"you are right, im still young” i say it in sarcastic tone

  “If you didn’t want to celebrate, I will celebrate it with you in any way, though you are ungrateful”

  I smiled, and I shrugged, she then shot me a dead look “go shower, and be presentable, and no, no one is coming, just do it for your birthday”

  She is right again, and I left her, she will probably cook, or order something, she is the one who get exited for my birthday than me.

  Its 21:40, and i was listening to Diana speaking about her life, annoying people, and her part-time job, and a crush she got from there

  “Just confess to him” i state

  “Easy to say for you because you never had a crush, i wonder if you ever had a crush”

  “I don't need one”

  She rolled her eyes “you will die alone”

  “And young-” i clear my throat “i might not age though”

  “Dont be pessimistic!”

  I laugh though it felt heavy, because i didnt die once or twice, but many times, then she stood up “lets eat”

  I nodded, and after minutes she brought a cake lightened with candles, she handed me the cake and she started to sing

  “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Alaric! Now make a wish before blowing them off”

  I look at the candles, and if i wished something will it comes true, in that case, i wish to break this cycle, to save that girl if she was the reason i am stuck in this loop, and then i blow them off and she clapped, smiling at me

  “What did you wish for?”

  “A wish its supposed to be a secret”

  She huffed, and i ruffled her hair, muttering “and i hope to be your older in every universe”

  She looked at me widened eyes,and she smiled “thats not you saying so suddenly”

  “Now im saying it, and im grateful that you are my sister” i felt a lump in my throat, and hse hugged me “and sorry for being egoist and uninterested"

  “Dont say that, you are the best brother”

  I just realised that I might be, I am an egoist person, thinking only of mydelf, but i just realised what if my sister was bothered by someone else, and in danger, I wouldn't love to see other just watching without interfering in my absence. In that case someone who is dearer to that girl probably thought the same thing, and I only watched her getting killed in front of my eyes instead of doing something, even if she is a stranger, I should have defended a person in either way.

  Diana pulled away and elbowed me “you are crying”

  I blink, i didn’t sense i was tearing up “you are crying too”

  She smacked my arm “its your birthday, stop crying, and be happy”

  I laughed, it's not my funeral, and I am grateful for celebrating my birthday with my sister like we used to.

  29th December 2023

  I love the holidays, and i would love to not work forever, but doing nothing its not something i seek for, but for now im just looking out the window, but my mind isnt with me, i just get worried about the future, and i didnt even came up with a plan, i have never planned, but this time i am not going to sit and just watch, i must try, but i need to meet her, but i guess i will never meet her, and she will probably forget about our meeting two years ago however i dont care if she remembers, i must save her.

  11th November 2024

  Never been anxious till today, never felt this to pass the final exam, or for an interview, but this time i am scared, fearing to fail saving her, yes, she must be a stranger, but if someone is in danger, and im present, and its my duty to save them, even if it might risk my life, i am not going to just stare. I didn't went to work, and i stayed inside my car in the place near to the place where she will be bothered by him, i was here for almost three hours preparing mentally, i was about to close my eyes, to notice her from far away, i immediately got off my car and i ran towards her, and she again she was bothered by him again, i dont know their story, but i know my insect wasn't wrong, because she was jade, and god knows how long she was bothered by him. I got close to them, and he was to pull out something, but he this jerk aint killing her this time, i push him and he fell on his face, quickly grabbing his wrists and bringing them behind his back and prevent him from standing up

  “You’re…dead!” he started squirming

  I was about to reply him, but he somehow got out of my grip, and he brought me down punching my face without stopping, i was about to daze off, but if i do, he will get her next, i laid a punch straight to his his chin, just him to get knocked down, and a few policemen will comes toward us and took him down handcuffing his wrists behind his back, meanwhile me i stared blankly detaching myself from the reality, did i finally broke the cycle, is she safe-

  “Are.. you okay?” a worried voice, and warm hands holding my cheeks, i blink and i my eyes fell upon her worried green eyes, she smiled at me

  I nodded, but I lost my words, but I had to ask “are you alive?”

  She raised her eyebrow “do you think im a ghost?” she pinched my cheeks “i am, thanks to you”

  I wrapped my arms around her and I hugged her, if it was a dream, i hope it never ends, and if it wasnt a dream, i dont want it to end either, i only wants to make sure she is alive, that i finally did not fail to save her

  She cleared her throat “you are hugging me without my permission”

  “And you held my cheeks without my permission”

  “Because i was worried, ungrateful” she looked at my face “lets go to heal your face”

  She stood up, and i stood up as well following her, but before she went ahead, she intertwined her fingers with mine, her leading the way.

  ___________________

  Except for that stupid ending, Alaric finally saved Jade,after a loop wondering if that stranger- Jade- deserves his attempt to save her, but it was worth it because she was the reason that he broke his loop, and also his soulmate that he will spend his life with.

  __________________

  “Dad… sooo how you met my mom?” neoma asked smiling widely

  i smiled back at her, and i stare at her, even she was a copy of me, but she had her mother’s eyes, i pick her up, she held my red shirt tightly, and i kissed her cheek, going where jade is, because, i want to remember how we met with her, probably it wasn’t a good first meeting, but i am sure that in different universes we have always met.

  The end (finally)