Quest: Help old man Gregory on his farm

  Reward: 12 Gold

  Yeah...

  D-Rank missions suck, like really suck. A week had passed since our first quest, which was a lot more difficult than most beginner quests should be. According to ‘Meow’, the morning receptionist, the oversized child-devourers were considered ‘minor enemies.’

  I suppose since adventurers are supposed to team up in parties of two or four, the job should have been a piece of cake. Considering the circumstances... me and Alice were pretty useless.

  Our night of celebrating ended without me scoring, thank the goddess, Nina!

  That freak was way too strong and pretty scary, now that I think about it. My eyes started to avert from her, whereas before they would linger on her curves and cute smile.

  The next morning, she woke up with no recollection of what had happened. Somewhere in the night, I had managed to slip out from under her body and crawl over to a safe corner to sleep. All the while, I thanked my luck that she hadn’t crushed my skull with her headbutt.

  Even though she said she didn’t remember, she started to stare at me when she thought I wasn’t looking and blushed when I caught her eye.

  “This sucks!” I roared. We were standing on farmland, a little outside of town.

  Farmer Gregory was sat on the porch of his home, still passed out with a mug of coffee at his feet. For some reason, me and Alice, certified guild members, were forced to be part-timers on some grubby farm.

  The sun was beating down on us to the point that I’d stripped down into a simple white shirt, the back slicked with sweat. We’d planted seeds, picked crops, and pulled out weeds. It was killing me. Looking at Alice, who was yanking out weeds in one tug and then moving onto the next, it was a miracle she wasn’t sweating.

  “We’re nearly done, Barn,” she responded without glancing back.

  “This kinda’ work ain’t for us. At this rate reaching C-Rank is impossible - I mean, uh...:”

  ‘Shit. Did she hear me?”

  She glanced over her shoulder, exposing delicate cheeks smeared with dirt.

  “I-I know you wish to do more fulfilling work... I apologize for being such a low rank, but with some time, I’m sure I’ll level up.”

  She looked like she was on the verge of tears.

  I flexed my face muscles and made sure to look as calm and laid back as possible. The gentle breeze whipped through my hair as I spoke.

  “Don’t you worry. I believe in us. It's just... I’m so used to danger that a quest like this is a huge change of pace.”

  She blinked crazily and then smiled.

  “Thank you again for this opportunity!”

  We finished up the heavy labor for the day and took farmer Gregory’s praises with us. As a sort of tip, he gave us some freshly baked bread and some vegetables. I wasn’t much of a cook, but free food tends to taste better than anything you pay for.

  On the three-hour walk back to town, Alice looked pleased. She was smiling to herself, still clutching her staff, while I whistled an old tune.

  “I never learned how to whistle.”

  “It’s pretty easy. Just put your lips together and blow,” I said.

  Alice gave it a go, puffing her cheeks out until she went red and blowing with all her might. It was a laughable attempt that sounded more like a fart.

  “Nice try at least.”

  She sucked in a breath and gave it another go. Alas! To no avail.

  “It takes some getting used to,” I said.

  “Who taught you how to whistle?”

  It wasn’t really a question I wanted to answer, since it had to do with my very real past. The less she knew about me - besides the web of lies I’d spun - the better. But for some reason, my lips started moving before I could stop them.

  “My father did. It’s the only thing he ever taught me.”

  We walked in silence for a moment. At first, I thought she’d gone quiet, but when I glanced over, I saw her nervously scanning the area, her lips miming her next onslaught of words.

  “Was he maybe… not present in your life a lot? S-Since he didn’t teach you anything else… or were you just not close?”

  I sighed openly.

  “A little bit of both, I guess. The fool works for some posh noblemen in the city – lives in a big house with a whole other family, too. Before my mother passed, he left us behind in our village to fend for ourselves.”

  “Ahh…” She exasperated.

  I didn’t care how she felt about it; remembering the bastard was starting to bring back memories I’d rather stay buried.

  Our three-hour walk home led us back to town, where the cackles of children and groups of guild members reminded me why I hated the countryside. Our town was fairly large after all, and compact enough to keep things exciting. After working so hard for a week, I really wanted to see Ion and maybe visit a high-end club.

  With Alice insisting on going on a ‘quest a day,’ it was a little difficult to find time away from her. Even after finishing one, she continued to linger by my side, following me to the marketplace and to the ‘Running Thunder.’

  So far, no one had blabbed to her about my reputation, but now, after the incident where we both got drunk, her eyes seemed to fixate and sparkle when they landed on me.

  We checked in with the afternoon receptionist – a snooty, slow oaf - and were told to wait a few hours for confirmation of completing our quest. The usual shtick. So, we found ourselves a table to sit at while we waited.

  I watched our stuff while she went off to the bathroom to clean off the dirt from her face and hands. I’d done so already, still though, my body ached from the hard labour and my nose burned from the intense smell of the earth.

  I wandered over to the job board and gave it a quick glance.

  B-Rank quest: Defeat the griffin terrorising High Rise Mountain

  B-Rank quest: Escort Noble Runerth safely to Lapius City

  C-Rank quest: Investigate the Blue Sea Forest and report your findings to the guild

  They all sounded way out of our league. As far as I could see on the other boards too, there were no D-Rank quests left; it appeared Alice and I might have grabbed the last ones.

  ‘Well. That gives me an excuse to have a few days off.’

  There was no way I’d let her follow me around then and if she tried, I knew her weakness: a lot of alcohol and the right amount of time for her to pass out.

  A shiver went down my spine just thinking about that night.

  “Yuck - “

  “I’m back sir Barn - “

  “Just Barn is okay.”

  She took a seat. “Phew. It feels so pleasant cleaning all that dirt off me. I’ll still need to wash my clothes once I get in, but that can wait.”

  Come to think of it, she hadn’t changed out of that getup all week, yet, strangely, she didn’t stink. I made it a habit to change into different gear - of a similar style - around two to three times a week. Plus, I bathed daily, or sometimes four to five times a week. The only thing messy about my hygiene was probably my scruffy beard, but the ladies loved ‘edgy.’

  “Do you have a change of clothes?” I asked.

  She looked at me like I was joking or something.

  “I - uh, of course I do, silly. Though all of my clothes are the same style of habit that I received from my sect. I am under strict orders to wear it at all times, as it has many different resistances and buffs that ward me from evil.”

  “Still, though… they could have given you some in a different colour…”

  She started giggling to herself and lightly brushed her hand over mine. “Oh, Mr Barn. You are so funny sometimes.”

  I very slowly pulled my hand away and tucked it under the table, where she couldn’t get it.

  “Anyways – there probably won’t be any D-Rank jobs for a day or two. I think we’ve earned some much-needed R&R.”

  The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  “Yes - of course,” she said solemnly. “I will practice on our days off. I haven’t leveled up or learned any new skills yet.”

  “It’s only been a week,” I explained.

  It was good that she was full of so much motivation and energy; I needed a strong enough party to beat the dungeon, but I was beat!

  Being a degenerate really eased one’s mind… and because of this stupid job, I had a ‘good-guy’ taste in my mouth I wanted to spit out.

  “I’m weighing you down – t-that’s why we’re stuck taking D-Rank jobs! I promised you I would do my best, and I don’t break my promises!”

  I reached over and held her by her shoulders before she could cause another scene - this time sober.

  “Okay – okay, Alice! Chill out a bit, yeah?”

  She sniffled and slunk back into her seat.

  ‘She’s like a sledgehammer with the mind of a kid. I need to keep an eye on her.’

  I decided to give her some space and go to the bar.

  On my way there, I noticed an adventurer dressed in all black, with a black scarf around their neck, was staring at me intensely. Their arms were crossed while they stood with a foot kicked up against the wall, following me with their eyes.

  I shrugged it off; it wasn’t worth overthinking it.

  The same smug bartender was there, ready to pour my drink with condescending eyes. Once he passed me my beer, I chugged and chugged! Then ordered another. The first was always the appetiser, the second the warm-up, and then the third-

  “Hello there again, ya’!”

  I turned to the side to see that same brown-haired, plain-looking country bumpkin I’d tried to sock. He was still wearing brown boots and the outfit of a farmer’s boy.

  “Ah, It’s you - “

  “Back on the booze, o? Nothing beats a cold chilla’.”

  Was he speaking the same language as me?

  “Yeah, pal. Nothing better than beer,” I told him, secretly hoping he would take a hint and leave. Instead, he decided to join me on the stool right beside me.

  “I’ve been seeing ya! Working a lotto quests. Ya’ve partied up with that cleric, right? A holy woman! That is so cool, o.”

  I nodded and took another sip.

  “If you wanna do a higher-ranked quest, party up with me and my group. There’s four of us already, but we can max out, o, with six if ya’s join!”

  ‘I would literally rather cut off my own feet and crawl everywhere I needed to go.’

  “I don’t really - “

  “Think aboot it!” he piped up, nearly blowing off my earlobe.

  “Alright, dude. I’ll think about it. Why do you even want to party up with me? I tried to deck you last time.”

  He cocked his head like a labradoodle and smiled, “That was the booze! Not every guy can hold their liquor like I can! It’s all water under the carpet.”

  ‘That’s not the right saying, ya idiot!’

  I laughed in his face. How could that idiot think he could outdrink me?

  Reaching into my satchel, I pulled out a handful of gold I kept on me - mainly for drinks, but also for an occasion like this. I slid fifteen gold coins his way. That was about the pay of a D-Rank quest.

  “I bet you fifteen gold coins I could beat you in a beer contest - and I’ve already had one and a half”

  The plain fellow’s smile intensified to the point I nearly went blind.

  “Fifteen ain’t a lotto of gold, but I’ll take you up on a bit of fun. Bartender, I’d likka beer!”

  And that was how I ended up in a drinking competition with a random stranger.

  It lasted for about an hour or two; from what I counted, we’d drunk ourselves through thirty to thirty-two beers. My belly was getting full - the slim thing - but I was in no way ready to give in! He was around the same number of beers too.

  Plus, now we had a crowd of people cheering us on and watching. My pride was on the line – damn it!

  Alice tried to discourage me from going through with it. It was far too late to back down now, not with the room spinning and my constant belching.

  “Gimme beer number thirty – or thirty one – or thirty two! Who cares?!”

  “I don’t think that - “

  “Give it to him nooow!” my new friend roared.

  The bartender rushed to pour me a drink while the bumpkin finished his own. Once we both received our beers, we stared at each other, trying to punk the other into thinking the beers weren’t affecting us. However, I could see he was just as sloshed as me.

  “How’ya feelin?” he asked, rolling his eyes to the back of his head and then blinking.

  My mouth was bone-dry when I answered. “Yeah. Hiccup! I’mma…doin’ fine…”

  “S-Sure? So sure ‘boot that? Lookin’ likes ya’ done for the night.”

  “I’m bout ready to up the bet. Hiccup!”

  He glanced into his side bag sloppily and then flicked his head up at me.

  “One hundred gold!”

  One hundred gold was a decent gamble. That was a month’s worth in food and lodging.

  ‘Yes! Let’s go for it!’

  I winked at him and took another heavy sip. At that point, I was breathing it in instead of drinking it. Pretending the bubbles were oxygen was a great tactic for tricking your mind into thinking you weren’t drowning when downing it.

  CRASH!

  The doors to the guild swung open. My reaction was a bit delayed on account of the copious amounts of alcohol in my system.

  Once I did react, along with my drinking rival, we were met by a menacing group of adventurers who were clearly looking for trouble.

  The three most prominent ones – wearing plated armour, a fancy-looking sorcerer’s robe that was s bit too on the nose, and a dwarf with two battle-axes - all strode in, knocking over chairs and pushing unsuspecting guild members to the ground.

  “Look at this place, Clancy! Bunch of schmucks! Too damn busy throwing coin over who can drink the best instead of sticking to your side of the town!”

  It took me a second to realise what the plated idiot was rambling about.

  Clancy, who I guessed was the sorcerer, cocked a grin and cast some strange spell that encased one of our members in a bubble. It rose to the ceiling, popped, and sent him hurtling to the ground.

  One of our stronger-looking members - a knight of some kind, with a greatsword decorated in a purple and cool armour - approached them with his hand resting on his hilt. Those who weren’t backed into the corners of the room were over on our side near the bar.

  Our valiant knight marched over with confidence brimming from his pores.

  “I suggest you ruffians stop there. Are you even members of this guild?”

  The plated, arrogant, piece of trash leading the mob didn’t stop, even with our knight in his path.

  “Beat it, loser!” He backhanded our guy so hard that he spun at least three times in the air and went crashing into the reception desk, sending the receptionist running.

  “Ravenstead – they’re Ravenstead,” I heard someone whisper.

  ‘Ah… Frenren’s rival… I’d love to sneak out, but I’m so full of beer, I can barely move…’

  “Ravenstead, huh?” I muttered and fought to my feet.

  “What are you doing?” Alice whispered and grabbed my arm.

  I squinted at her and shook her off. “What a man – BELCH - has to do!”

  Taking a few small steps to balance myself, I positioned myself with a wide stance, though I still swayed from side to side.

  “I recommend… you idiots turn back around and leave our guild!”

  The three at the front actually stopped this time. That Clancy dude and the dwarf traded glances, while the knight stared at me with a look of concern.

  ‘What am I doing right now? This is a bad idea!’

  “What do you think you can do? You can barely stand, loser,” the knight hissed. A few of his buddies chuckled.

  “H-Hey! I might be a little drunk, but I can still kick your ass.”

  I had to turn around because my drinking partner snorted. I thought we’d moved past that by now. What a douche!

  “First sober up, and then maybe you’d be able to land one punch.”

  This knight was such an arrogant piece of shi-

  “I betcha’ a hundred gold I can land two!”

  He grinned ferally and smugly tilted his chin up. “Give it your best go.”

  [Coward’s Cloak]

  A rogue isn’t well known for his physical feats. No, you don’t expect someone who lurks in the shadows and relies on traps to do heavy lifting. But you do expect them to have a trick or two up their sleeve. This was one of those moments.

  Him and his mob of idiots started to whisk their heads around. Most of them raised their weapons; he, on the other hand, was far too astonished to make any quick moves, nor did I give him the chance.

  Even with a belly full of beer, I cleared enough feet to reach him while invisible and threw two very sluggish but fast punches. The plated fellow made two groans of acknowledgement and followed the direction of each blow, but barely stumbled back. Just as I used [Coward’s Cloak] again to get the hell out of there, he grabbed me by my arm, ready to pull me into a punch.

  That was when I heard a scream, like an angry predator desperate to make its kill. Both me and the mob glanced back to see Alice come charging in to deliver one of the nastiest right hands I’d ever seen.

  I almost saw it in slow motion as it passed my face and landed square on the guy’s nose, knocking him through his henchman with a STRIKE! Those still standing flinched before deciding to get their payback, but by then, the rest of our guild had come charging in to help us out.

  The brawl was a blur of flying tables, punches to faces, kicks to shins. I heard the cries of the injured from both sides as I ducked behind a knocked-over table. The dizziness from moving so fast, coupled with the adrenaline, had me hurling on the floor for a solid minute. Once I peeked over my cover, I was given the perfect view of Alice going to town on the Ravenstead douches, and my drinking buddy kicking even more ass than her. Hell, even the knight who’d been backhanded was getting some payback.

  I would’ve much rather ran out the front door and let the others take care of things, but if I was being honest, something irked me to join the fight.

  “Gimme a piece of the biscuit!” I yelled as I jumped over several heads and landed on two of the other guild.

  Rolling to my feet, I started to throw a few licks at enemies who were already on the ground or already being pummelled.

  “Taste my tactical mind!”

  My big mouth earned me being picked up by a big green orc and thrown through the air right into one of our members who was being attacked by three of them at once. He too, was an orc, but he was on our side at least. My ribs hurt, there was blood in my mouth, and I wanted to throw up again.

  That was until the Orc on our side helped me to my feet. He had strangely kind eyes, a rugged chin, and thick limbs. Plus, he was more than double my size.

  “Thank you, my very brave friend.”

  ‘An orc thanking me? I must of hit my head really hard.”

  I nodded at him before watching him charge after the other orc. It was set to be a goliath showdown; I, however, needed to sit down on the ground for a bit and catch my breath.

  Once the dust settled, those left standing threw the Ravenstead members out into the street. They started to clean up the mess alongside some of the workers who were hiding in the back. The night receptionist walked in and didn’t react to any of the carnage. The afternoon receptionist was more shook up than her.

  I’d luckily sobered up by the time things were back to normal. Which was perfect timing, because we’d all been awarded free drinks and food for the rest of the night. I actually deserved it, considering I made the first move. Even if I broke a rib in doing so, Alice had to heal me back to full health.

  I was even more scared of her now. There were like three or four guys on her at one point, and she manhandled them like they were nothing.

  And now she was back to looking all sweet and innocent while knocking back a beer. It appeared the guild would end up being trashed twice in one day. How unfortunate…

  “They call you Barn, am I correct in assuming so?”

  The voice was familiar. Ah, it was ‘him.’

  The orc I’d inadvertently saved when I was thrown across the guildhall was standing next to me, staring down at me.

  “Yeah, that’s me. How can I help you, pal?”

  He scratched his chin and bowed.

  ‘Wow. Very un-orc like. In fact, he sounds way too smart to be an orc.’

  “I was speaking with Shrubba-“

  “Who the hell is Shrubba?” I shot back.

  “The man you were drinking with.”

  Ah, he meant the plain-looking guy.

  “Right, right…”

  The Orc straightened his posture and, for some reason, looked stoic? Or proud? Whatever it was, it was less barbaric and arrogant than the average Orc.

  “I should introduce myself – my name is NamNam. I’m an Orc Berserker who specialises in combat and I was hoping to ask to join your party! I thank you again for helping me in that brawl earlier, and I think you are one of the bravest adventurers here! Please let me join your party!”

  “H-Huh?!”