The Fleshspinner and I sized one another up. Count Basil flexed his vines.
The monster cocked its head—mangled chelicerae wriggling like wet, broken fingers. Its mouth frothed with acid.
Was this asshole smiling?
I couldn’t look away from its stolen flesh—those rotting faces—twitching as it moved. The gruesome patchwork seemed to weep and moan as the beast shifted.
Some of the slackened lips looked like they were trying to mumble words, but no voices came. Instead, black bile spilled out, dribbling down the folds of the stitched tissue.
SHIIING!
I drew my pizza cutters. They revved to full speed—hungry blades ready to dine.
“Let’s go, you fleshy fuck!”
PSYEEWW!
The creature struck first, blasting a thick wad of webbing at me.
The gooey strands netted my arms and torso and Count Basil’s vines. The webbing was putrid and hot, made from ropes of sticky, rotting flesh. I retched at the reek of decay.
The creature lunged forward.
I did the only thing I could—slamming myself backward into the sand as dripping fangs snapped right where my throat had just been.
It missed by fractions of an inch. My heart jackhammered as the creature scampered around for another attack.
I brought the whirring blades of my pizza cutters up against the sticky strands. The blades spun through, freeing my arms, covering me and Count Basil in sticky yellow goo.
“AAAH!”
It burned my skin. Probably laced with some kind of acid. I could tell Count Basil was hurting too. He shook the goo from his leaves.
I rolled back to my feet, squaring off again with the monster.
It arched its back, raised its head, and made a strange, guttural clicking noise.
GRICK! GRICK! GRICK!
ME: What the hell is it doing, ERNI?!
ERNI: I am unsure. Perhaps it has indigestion?
It chittered, pulsating spinnerets throbbing like open wounds.
A moment later, it ejected six new spiderlings onto the sand. They landed with wet SPLATS, their half-formed bodies squirming before they righted themselves.
ME: That ain’t indigestion.
Each one was the size of a bulldog, their shiny carapaces splitting open to reveal misshapen jaws lined with rows of gnashing teeth.
“What the actual FUCK?!”
The creature watched with anticipation, as its spawn launched their attack. I barely had time to react before they erupted towards me, skittering in from all directions.
I spun on my heels as they surrounded me in a circle formation. Count Basil whipped his vines, trying to keep them back like a lion tamer.
One lunged first. I slashed—KOICH!—disemboweling it mid-air. It collapsed— waxy, yellow guts glopping onto the sand. Another leaped forward and caught the spinning wrath of my blades.
Two down.
The Fleshspinner screeched with anger.
The others seemed to learn from their kin’s mistake. They fired fleshy ropes of webbing around my ankles. They circled around me like snow speeders lassoing tow cables around an AT-AT. The webbing cinched tight. They yanked and my balance gave way.
I crashed down hard and—CHOMP!— felt the burning sting of fangs puncturing my neck.
“AAHHH!”
It was agony.
Blistering venom pumped into my system, and for a split second, my sight blackened at the edges. A rippling heat surged through my veins. My breath came in choking rasps.
ME: ERNI, am I dying?
ERNI: Fortunately, no. According to a quick blood analysis, this young spider’s venom is not concentrated enough to prove fatal.
ME: That’s comforting.
Count Basil ripped the creature off me, crushing it with his vines—though not without losing a freshly sprouted arm to its gnawing jaws.
Another spiderling tried to leap for Basil’s stems, but I was faster, unleashing a blade-first uppercut.
VSSHH!
The pizza cutter whined as it tore up and through the creature’s body. The monster squealed as its fluids speckled my visor. It dropped to the ground and I stomped it with a wet crunch.
Three left.
My healing factor worked its magic, forcing the venom from my system. I still felt the raw, burning ache where it had weakened me. I wasn’t fully recovered—but was well enough to fight.
This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Two of the spiderlings latched onto my armor, clawing and gnashing between the plates.
“AAHH!”
They drew blood, lapping at it with elongated tongues. Count Basil snatched them up and smashed them against one another. I imagined this must be what Doc Ock felt like with his robotic arms. I punched straight through both creatures with my pizza cutters.
Rancid, buttery slime spewed onto my chest. I gagged. It smelled like rotten oyster assholes.
The final spidering launched a solo attack through the air. I admired the little fucker’s courage, but I was tired of this bullshit.
I lunged forward, grabbed its head, and squeezed.
Pop.
I dropped it on the sand. Dead.
Count Basil and I were drenched in yellow goo and black bile. The spiderling corpses oozed at my feet.
The flesh-quilted horror that had birthed them convulsed with rage. It unleashed a hellish roar as its trophy faces ‘puked’ congealed blood and teeth.
“Yeah, that’s right,” I panted, wiping strings of dead tissue from my wounds. “You’re next.”
I raised a boot and stomped her dead children’s corpses.
“So crunchy.”
I was so busy taunting the creature, I didn’t have time to react to its swing.
THUNK!
Something hard hit my chest—a jagged, stabbing limb lashing out with enough force to cave in thick steel.
I felt my ribs snap as the impact hurled me backward.
I was airborne.
Then—BOOM!
I struck the sand hard. Everything was a blur. My body twitched as a spike of searing pain lanced my torso. I gasped and immediately vomited.
Blood.
Warning: You Are Hurt. Seek Cover Immediately!
My vision pulsed read. My heartbeat pounded.
ERNI: Sam… critical…
I couldn’t hear ERNI. I couldn’t breathe. Something was crushed inside of me. Count Basil tried to shake me out of it, but I was shellshocked.
The monster advanced, likely unsatisfied that I was still moving.
I tried to roll away, head swimming from oxygen deprivation. Count Basil dragged me along the ground.
SHUNK!
I barely escaped as one of the Fleshspinner’s razor-fanged legs speared the sand where my skull had just been. It brought another leg down and another—to my right and left—boxing me in, and pinning Count Basil’s vines to the ground.
It was toying with us now, like a cat pawing at a wounded mouse. It knew we were injured.
Healing wasn’t instant. We needed time. A plan.
I fumbled a Stun Grenade and the creature swatted it away.
My head still throbbed with my heartbeat—my eyes pulsing red.
The Fleshspinner skittered over top of me. Eyeless, dead faces stared down from its stitched-together flesh suit. One of them seemed to be screaming right at me.
The creature brought its body down hard, pounding my helmet with its thorax as if trying to drive a nail into wood.
SHUNK! SHUNK! SHUNK!
Each strike rocked my vision, bringing me closer to darkness.
SHUNK!
The creature slammed its body down a fourth time, and I jabbed my pizza cutters up through the skin quilt and into its abdomen. The monster shrieked as yellow slime dumped down on me. I was coated in the shit. It smelled like cockroach ball-sweat.
The creature released Count Basil’s leaves as it scrambled away.
Slowly my heartbeat faded and my vision cleared. I was still fucked up, but managed to get to my feet.
I wobbled, unsteady. So did the big-ass spider. We squared off one final time—like two heavyweights in the last round.
“Let’s finish this…”
The monster roared.
Count Basil raised his wounded leaves in a ready stance.
We advanced on each other. As the monster neared, Count Basil steadied me like a powered exo-suit. He launched me on top of the creatures head.
“DIE! YOU FUCKING SKINBAG!”
I stabbed each of its eyes—
KOOSH! KOOSH! KOOSH! KOOSH!
Each one popped, spurting black fluid as the monster wailed.
I slid off the creature and dodged its blind swings. Count Basil caught one of its legs and held it steady. I jabbed my pizza cutters into its joint. Yellow spray erupted.
The whirring blades chewed through sinew and bone, SKLOOSH!, severing it in half.
SHUNK!
The limb hit the ground, twitching. The Fleshspinner screamed.
Bile and bone-shards poured from the bloody stump. The creature staggered on its remaining legs.
Count Basil snatched another. I sawed through it.
SHUNK!
The Fleshspinner screeched with fury, pitching forward, unable to maintain its balance. It only had its six hind legs now, the front two amputated.
The blind creature lashed out with its remaining limbs.
Every motion caused a chain reaction across its patchwork flesh. Faces swelled, strained, then ripped, geysering black and yellow fluid.
The monster moved with desperation, but I was faster.
I circled the monster, slashing the other legs—sawing each off with savage proficiency.
VSSHH! VSSHH!
The monster collapsed, crippled, wheezing.
It squirmed on its abdomen—twitching, bleeding—unable to maneuver. It wriggled along, snapping its jaws, desperate.
I moved back to its front, getting near its head. I leaned in close enough to whisper—
“You ain’t lookin too good, bro.”
The monster hissed, opening its jaws wide and I finally saw its true mouth, hidden below its chelicerae—a yawning, gaping trench filled with teeth made of chipped bones.
The monster started to laugh at me—
“HUR-HUR-HUR.”
—as bits of undigested corpses shifted in the back of its throat. Yellow bile sloshed over them as maggots gnawed their flesh.
“You sick fuck.”
I called up the Slayer Bowl portrait from my inventory and looked at the framed photo. Good ole’ Blink and Gill.
SKURRRSH!
I shoved it into the creatures’ maw.
The monster retched and gurgled, unable to dislodge it.
Count Basil rested his wounded vines on my shoulders. We stood there, hurt, dripping with blood and goo, and watched this motherfucker die slowly.
It choked and writhed for several agonizing minutes before arching its head one last time.
It spasmed—letting out a final muted shriek. Then—
THUNK!
—it slumped over. Dead.
“Huh. Thanks, Blink and Gill.”
Count Basil and I watched as the monster and its rotting flesh sank into the sand.
Fleshspinner Defeated!
Mission Complete: Kill Boss Monster.
Reward: +100,000 Points!
Flashy Kill Bonus!
Reward: +75,000 Points!
New Trophy! Break a Leg.
Reward: +10,000 Points!
Auto-Looted Fleshspinner.
Item Acquired:
Sticky Situation Play.
Web Weaver Play.
I slumped to the ground for a while and waited as my healing kicked in. Slowly, my pain subsided and my wounds closed. Count Basil improved as well. He patted my shoulder with a vine.
“Yeah. That shit was disgusting.”
I used the ‘Boss Beater’ hoodie to wipe the goo and sand off my armor and rucksack. I pulled the orbs out and held them up.
They evaporated mid-air as the celebratory animation played out in front of me. Fireworks shot through the air.
Orbdown! x2
Reward: +375,000 Points!
New Trophy! Double Down Daredevil.
Reward: +10,000 Points!
Bonus Reward: Replacement Slayer Bowl Memories Photo!
“You’re fucking kidding me!”
I had to laugh.
There it was—another picture of me looking like a doofus on the Skybotron with Blink and Gill flashing their cheesy thumbs up.
“I just can’t get rid of this thing. Well, at least it came in handy.”
“Congratulations on a battle well fought,” ERNI chirped. “Your skills and strategy are improving.”
“Eh, I’m getting there.”
Count Basil gave me a literal pat on the back.
“Hey dude, you were a rock star in that fight.”
I stuck out a fist, and he dapped me up with one of his leaves. I pulled out a bottle of Nebula Fuel and guzzled it, then glanced at the play clock.
Thankfully, there were only 37 minutes left in the first quarter.
I was dead tired…. but, at least I wasn’t dead.
