Chapter Thirty - Circle Me, Circle You

  Nie Ruyi

  The rows of young ladies broke up into cliques almost immediately, and Nie Ruyi found herself floundering. She didn’t know any of these women?? She didn’t know who it was she could ask without getting scoffed at. Suddenly, she was fourteen again in highschool and the awkwardness of socialization was looming over her.

  She took a deep breath and channelled her inner retail worker, and put on a warm smile. Turning, she scanned the crowd and found several who were also equally socially alone. Deciding to go with the msot friendly looking of these girls, she cornered a younger girl with pink ribbons threaded through looped braids, who looked up at her with wide brown eyes. Nie Ruyi had a sudden flash of thought that this girl looked like a cute dog. Perhaps a beagle? She turned up her smile and asked, “Would yo-”

  She caught herself, remembering Elder Chun’s lesson about etiquette, and rephrased. “This one would like to spar with Guniang. Would she be amenable?”

  The young girl, perhaps 14 or 15, nodded, looking relieved, “This one is Dan Xiexie. Xiexie would be happy to spar with Shijie.”

  For a moment, Nie Ruyi had a culture clash trying to figure out why Dan Xiexie was calling her that. Then she realized she looked older than this girl by decades. Of course she’d be higher ranked if she’s older, right? Ah, but how does society take into consideration immortal cultivators who look 19 but are actually a thousand? She wondered, but didn’t dwell on it, turning instead to Dan Xiexie.

  “Dan-Shimei will need to be kind to this poor mortal. She has only begun martial arts training this month. Please forgive any missteps.” She gave a respectful palm-over-fist bow, which seemed to fluster the girl.

  Dan Xiexei nodded, giving a shaky but blooming smile, and Nie Ruyi decided the girl was probably just a little shy. The two of them turned then, as Elder Xiao began pulling couples into specific spots marked out in the patterns of the stonework on the courtyard. Nie Ruyi was a bit startled as she hadn’t realized that’s what these little rings of pebbled-tiles were for.

  She and Dan Xiexie were drawn into one as well, and around them, she saw other pairs beginning the slow and almost-comical exchange of blows. She herself spread her knees, and dropped into a stance she’d seen a lot in old kungfu movies, only to stop in a dead halt at Dan Xiexie’s confused look.

  “Ah… Is-” Nie Ruyi pulled herself back to standing, and smiled nervously. “Perhaps Dan-Shimei could show this one what an appropriate stance would look like?”

  Dan Xiexie nodded almost violently, and then shifted, her hips tilting back, her arms coming up in a very martial-artsy-looking move that seemed right out of a saturday morning cartoon. Nie Ruyi tried to copy it and felt off-center and like she was going to fall over with a thin breeze.

  The brilliant smile Dan Xiexie gave though seemed to say she was doing it right, so she continued. The two of them walked the circle around each other, as if two tigers circling, and then Dan Xiexie ducked forward, and Nie Ruyi flinched, despite how slow the blow was that she’d aimed towards Nie Ruyi’s cheek.

  There was plenty of time, however, to lift a hand and push on Dan Xiexie’s wrist so that it didn’t land. Nie Ruyi, unsure if she was supposed to answer in kind, shifted to perform the most embarrassing slow-motion uppercut she’d ever seen. Which, of course, Dan Xiexie danced out of the way of, with slow footwork.

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  Nie Ruyi’s heart raced with the embarrassment of not understanding what movements she was supposed to be doing, the frustration of always feeling just out of step, and the terror of messing up. She felt sweat stick to her face and she couldn’t help but hear her heartbeat in her ears.

  Even going as slow as possible, Dan Xiexie moved with a sort of grace and natural speed that still confounded Nie Ruyi, who felt like she was playing chess with a grandmaster, and she was always three steps behind. Another barely deflected fake-blow, and Nie Ruyi tripped over her own feet, landing on the hard stone ground with a pained grunt, and a stinging pride.

  She scrambled to try and get up, only to realize she couldn’t-

  Because the bottom of her feet were bubbling and expanding into a slimy mass of limbs and quills and growling teeth, as her two hounds leapt forward, quills shaking in a rattling warning. The initial panic included a ton of shrill shrieks, and a panicked circle forming around her as her fellow disciples backed away. One of which reached forward and snatched Dan Xiexie away by the back of her robes in an attempt to protect her from the openly violent-looking monsters that just appeared.

  Her hounds, intent on keeping her protected, bounded around the circle, harrying back stray disciples who got too close, and Nie Ruyi didn’t know what to do. The situation was fucked, and it made her want to cry and laugh at the same time. “Izzy! Goober! Get back here!” She cried, ignoring the stinging in her tailbone and buttocks to rise to her feet.

  She reached out to try and grab one of them (her instincts told her Izzy) and pull them towards her, maybe to convince them to settle under her shoes again calmly, but the creature was slimy by nature and the quills were slick, so she couldn’t get a handle on them.

  One of the younger, braver disciples darted into the circle, trying to get to Nie Ruyi for some stupid reason, only to be lunched at by Goober, who was not having it. The disciple shrieked back and away, and then burst into relieved laughter upon realizing that Goober had paced back to Nie Ruyi’s side, rather than chase after her.

  “Disciple Nie! Get your beasts under control!” Elder Chun’s voice declared, and Nie Ruyi felt the scales tip towards cry.

  “I’m trying!” She cried, putting herself between Izzy and Elder Chun, who the hound had just lunged towards. She tried a full-body hug this time, but got slammed face first into a shoulder of quills, which made her lock up in remembered pain, which only allowed Izzy to slip past her and duck towards another brave idiot who tried to cross the circle to get to her friend.

  “They’re hers?!” Some voice shrieked from the crowd, and Nie Ruyi had that moment of clarity that comes with the knowledge that you’re about to be a social pariah.

  “She brought them!” another voice sounded, followed by a third, “Is this an attack?!”

  “Is this some kind of training exercise?” A different voice called over the suddenly loud sussurus of young women trying to verbally figure out what the hell was going on.

  Nie Ruyi was grateful when Song Fengling came pushing through the feminine bodies to get to her, because at the very least Goober recognised him enough to let him through the circle to get to Nie Ruyi’s side. “Help me catch them!”

  “How?!” He asked, looking around, “They’re not exactly easy to catch!”

  “Their legs! I think their legs stay mostly solid.” She huffed, her own struggle with Izzy, who seemed to dislike her legs being grabbed, winding her. Eventually, she managed to grab both legs on one side of Izzy and flip her onto her belly. The hound turned and snapped at her hands defensively, growling loud and sharp, but Nie Ruyi set a hand to what she thought was Izzy’s throat, just beneath the slasher-wide smile of sharp fangs, and growled back through her own teeth, which sent Izzy still.

  Back under the shoe! Now! Nie Ruyi tried to think very very hard at the hound, while also saying it, “Back under the shoe!”

  Izzy whined, confused and a little unhappy, but melted down into a puddle. She didn’t climb under the shoe, though, climbing instead up the leg of Ruyi’s pants, making her shriek with the cold, and shudder.

  Song Fengling had, since then, managed to herd Goober back to Nie Ruyi’s side, and Nie Ruyi turned, furious then, to do the same thing to the male hound. But honestly, he was a bit bigger, and she couldn’t knock him over with just her own weight. Song Fengling reached out, seeming to realize what she was doing, and pushed the top-heavy quill dog down. The same growl, the same thought, the same words, and Goober whined longer. He flailed his limbs, and scratched her in several places while trying to get up, but she kept a firm press of her own weight on his throat, which is what Nie Ruyi assumed made him give in, turning into a puddle and joining his fellow hound on her skin.

  Nie Ruyi tried to bear the squishy cold sacks now attached to her waist with stoicism, but she was pretty sure everyone could see her wince whenever one of them moved. She immediately turned and bowed low towards Elder Chun, and said, with a firm voice, “This disciple apologies profusely for disturbing class. This one will take her leave. The next time she returns it will NOT be with her hounds. Again, Nie Ruyi apologises profusely and knows her fault. She will reflect on this and make certain it does not happen again.”

  It was humiliating, the way she had to flee the class then, Song Fengling fumbling behind her, as they left a circle of stunned disciples. She could feel Elder chun’s stare on her back, sure as she could feel the pounding of her own heart, the cold of her hounds against her, and the fear that she might have ruined her stay here.

  Mini Character List -

  Nie Ruyi - Our protagonist. 34 year old american woman - I need to get these little assholes some leashes, holy shit.

  Lao Xiaojun - Lao Minghui's little brother and Sect Heir. Mr. Does-Not-Appear-In-This-Chapter

  Cai Bingtian - Disciple of Severing Firefly Sect. Still Mr. Does-Not-Appear-In-This-Chapter

  Song Fengling - Nie Ruyi's little assistant. I TOLD YOU SO, NIE-SHIJIE?! DIDNT I TELL YOU?! AND WHEN DID I TELL YOU?! A LONG. TIME. AGO.

  Missy - Worried, although it does not know how to express that.

  The Green Egg - Not forgotten. Currently lives wrapped in blankets on Nie Ruyi's bedside table.

  Goober & Izzy - Sedimentary Sludge Hounds who now live in Nie Ruyi's canopy of her bed. Why are we in trouble? Why?! What did we do wrongggggg? Mamaaaaa

  Sun Xirong - Nie Ruyi's maid, a fifteen year old mortal girl. ... I feel a disturbance in the force.

  Elder Chun - An elder of the sect, who is in charge of teaching one class of the Glowing Fragrance Chill Earth Style to the young women of the sect. Begrudgingly responsible enough to help Ruyi get her feet wet, but what the actual hell was that?! This girl has no goddamn SENSE!

  Elder Xiao - an elder of the sect who works with Elder Chun to teach. Convinced Nie Ruyi is trash , irresponsible and tiresome. Not to mention dangerous. Did I mention dangerous? Did you see those monsters!

  Dan Xiexie - A 14 year old young woman who has a new fear of sedimentary sludge hounds.

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