Tanya raised her goblet of wine, clanking it against the glass of the wrinkly old man.

  ”How nice of you, to visit this old raisin.” He laughed, untimely in her misery, but his face remained static, an unrelenting frown, mouth-corners pointed straight down. It was like a mask, although his mouth actually moved – upon close inspection.

  ”An unlikely friendship perhaps,” said Tanya, as she gulped down all of her wine, set the goblet hard on the table, and pushed it scraping against the wood, as if to say ”More.”

  ”Trouble, I sense?” said Mr. Frown.

  ”It’s my brother, Victor,” she sighed, then paused to draw difficult breaths.

  Mr. Frown tilted his head.

  ”I remember,” he said. ”Something happen to the boy?”

  ”Maggots!” she said aloud, attempting to escape the creeping sadness. ”You see… he-”

  Her eyes could not hold it in.

  ”Stop it, you need not say it all, girl. Let’s start over.” Mr. Frown moved his chair to the opposite end and lay his arm around Tanya. ”You’re running away from this… dangerous thing, the one your brother happened upon. Is that right?”

  ”How did- Right. I forgot about your-”

  She had to let the tears flow and be done with it.

  ”Hmhm… There there,” Mr. Frown tried, half heartedly.

  ”Just... don’t sit there and prick my brain about it.” She looked up at nothing, wiping her tears. ”Not today.”

  ”Ha! How then am I to assist you?” he said, leaning over her. ”Seems to me you’re trying to make this a one way… thing,” said Mr. Frown. ”Well, I’m not really that kind of ’merchant’.”

  ”Oh fuck off, I know how this plays out. I may as well get it together and tell you,” said Tanya.

  Mr. Frown nodded, eagerly.

  ”It all started at ’The Harp’. A distant demon, that proved to be much more than your average monster.”

  More tears trickled, but she didn’t bother.

  Tanya told him of the mighty minotaur with the heavenly hammer. How her brother, Victor – The Skycleaver, sacrificed himself for the innocent folks of the hamlet.

  ”What now then, why are you resting and not running for your life?”

  ”Humans need a good rest sometimes,” she said, with a confused frown.

  Mr. Frown tilted his head in confusion.

  ”You are surprising indeed,” he muttered. ”Have you thought about water?”

  She looked puzzled.

  ”How will you survive to the north without water? Obviously humans need a good rest. When do you presume I was born? Fifteen minutes ago?”

  ”I’ll find some,” she said. ”I’m not here to mooch off you.”

  ”You drank my wine, without hesitation!”

  ”Oh yeah, suppose I did do that.” Tanya’s eyes rolled up. ”I am grieving my brothers passing though.” She reached for the bottle.

  Mr. Frown whipped his fingers hard on her spindly hand.

  ”Ouch!”

  ”I recommend the water,” he said, as he moved the wine out of reach. ”You think I’m made of wine?”

  ”Who knows what you can do?,” she said, staring at the bottle.

  Mr. Frown snapped his fingers. The snap echoed unnaturally in his muddy hut, startling Tanya.

  ”So. Is that why you are here?” he said and raised his voice. ”To see what I can do?”

  ”Why did you draw that conclusion?”

  Tanya wanted to escape for a brief moment, and hid her face in her hands.

  ”It is an odd way of expressing, when talking water and wine,” he said, raising the bottle for himself, downing its remaining contents.

  Tanya reacted as she heard him gulping.

  ”Hey! Some of that was-”

  ”Mine? Yes, most definitely. I picked the grapes myself. Now, I would like it much if you spoke frank to me. Could you manage that, or are you too tipsy after one glass of this?”

  Mr. Frown pointed at the empty bottle and hurled it across the room – and it disolved before hitting the wall.

  Tanya couldn’t believe it, and she flinched for an impact that never came.

  ”My my my, you need to lighten the hell up,” said Mr. Frown, as he arose from his sweaty chair to open the window. ”It can be hard to increase in bodymass, even if one were to try it, living in a warm bog.”

  He looked very bitter as he sounded glad – as if a smile surely was buried behind that wrinkly mask.

  ”I am grateful to be here,” he said as he leaned out of the opening to suck in the sweet wet air. ”The creatures here let me be myself, truly.”

  From time to time they were struck by the lightest breeze of air, that felt like a hero – there to save her personally. Tanya was used to dwelling in the desert, but the bog was warm in a different maner – wet, even without rain, and damp as nothing else. Mosquitos as big as her hands was not her favourite feature of the place either. In fact, she found it very hard to point at any redeeming features at all.

  ”I’m so incredibly happy for you,” said Tanya with a whole tub of sarcasm.

  ”Now,” said Mr. Frown. ”do not dance around, all political. Politics are dead around here anyway, and they’re not thriving where you’re from either. So tell me now, or you can try Mr. Smile’s house. Doubt you’ll get a warmer welcome from him, but that’s your choice.” His pupils peered out from his strange face. ”Why are you here!” He sat down.

  ”Alright, I’ll just say it… Maybe a glass of wine first-”

  ”Why – are – you - here!” He assaulted her with the words, as his eyes glimmered a purple hue, but his body language was still calm and inviting.

  Tanya struggled to find the words, and was thrown off by the eyes, as she’d only seen them as black holes before then.

  ”Dear me, if I didn’t know about your brother’s passing, I’d have thought you were unhappily in love. Well, do go on and spit it out! We all have a life to live, after all,” he said, as that untimely laughter erupted again.

  This time she did not hesitate, picked the leather satchel from the floor, lay it carefully on the table and snapped the buttons open. A strange feeling filled the moist air.

  She took out the artifact.

  ”By the great Jorm. The Book of Darkness,” said a dumbstruck Mr. Frown. He stared at it. Admired it. Tanya’s hands dissappeared for him, as she held the book. Then he was startled by her snapping fingers in his face. He made a croaking noise and leapt back against the wall. ”It… it exists. For real!”

  ”It does,” said Tanya, trying to hide her shock, seeing the wizard so worked up – something she had never seen before.

  Mr. Frown’s mouth never really seemed to move. But the book’s reveal perked his interest to the point his jawline gave way, and Tanya gazed at the pitch black void of its opening. She looked away again, feeling it was something forbidden about it.

  ”So my own aquaintance, Tanya, sat on this ancient tome,” he said, as his jawbone cracked into its old socket, and the eyes crept back into theirs, embraced by flabs of skin.

  ”I’m just a secondary plan,” she said.

  ”Well now, not anymore – evidently,” Mr. Frown said with an eerily adventurous tone.

  ”What should I do? And why are you looking at me like that?” She took a second good look at Mr. Frown. ”Are you looking at me?”

  Mr. Frown chuckled, behind his still facade.

  ”Because I feel like you are, and right now it feels somewhat intimidating, I’ll have you know,” she said, slurry-tongued.

  ”You know,” he said. ”I feel I was on to something, suggesting water right then.”

  ”Shup ut about your water.”

  Mr. Frown laughed until his cold black eyes popped out for air.

  ”We are going to have to visit my siblings. Lady No-Face can tell us if I can aid you. If she sees my fate well, I will be able to study the contents in that book, to learn its dark magic.”

  ”That sounds like the plan I was missing, all this time.”

  ”Although, we need to pay my brother a visit first. No way around that.”

  ”Why do we-”

  ”He insists. He wants all friendlies to show that they still care for him-” Mr. Frown paused to swat a huge mosquito that snuck through the window. ”or something. I don’t rightly know. Why don’t you ask him?”

  ”But I never really talked to him. I never even saw his face.”

  ”His face? Ehm… A bigger reason to visit then,” said Mr. Frown celebratory. ”Otherwise he’ll see you as an outsider, raiding his belongings. And you, nor I, would want that, now would we? The only road in the bog goes through his property.”

  ”I must remind you, I only ever saw Mr. Smile from a respectable distance. How is he?”

  ”Let’s go there now,” he said, laughing. ”You’ll see. He’s not biting, anyway. And don’t forget The Book of Darkness. We wouldn’t want to waste anyone’s time. Lady No-Face’s time least of all.”

  The wizard went on and on about the book, asking all kinds of questions. He was so interested, to the point Tanya began to question if his intentions were for the best of the good people of the realm.

  ***

  Tanya rode her well rested Brandghast, squelching with heavy hooves across the mire, as he carried her belongings, save for her knife and blow-darts.

  Mr. Frown sat on the shell of his very own mushcrawler, that he called Gegga.

  Her horse neighed at his mount a few times before feeling safe traveling beside it. The unusual creature had no neck to turn its bulky head, but the eyes had a way of expressing a calm invitation.

  Halfway to Mr. Smile, the company rested, and while Tanya tasted Mr. Frown’s lovely saffron bread, Brandghast approached Gegga, and licked the goo from the corners of its eyes.

  Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

  ”That one has a good heart,” said Mr. Frown, chugging from the water skin. ”Gegga usually wants that goo for itself. Like a snack, I suppose.” He looked his usual grim self, but seemed to smile inside that vile shell of a head.

  ”He… or she, is cute,” said Tanya, looking down on Gegga’s face, up the shell formation and the incredible mushroom-like legs – thick as trees.

  ”It,” said Mr. Frown.

  ”What? Did you say-”

  ”It? I did, yes. Mushcrawlers drop spores, and evolve from the ground. Fascinating process, I have to say. And that’s not all-”

  ”Wow. The world is full of mindblowing things, isn’t it?” she interrupted. ”Well, I never traveled to the extent you have, of course, and I don’t intend-”

  ”Oh, my dear Tanya, Vantirium surprises even the likes of myself,” he said, stargazing. ”Few worlds have this kind of diversity, both regarding landscape and living organisms. On top of that, the three Hells and the realm of heaven, and even then there are yet more to be discovered.”

  Mr. Frown chuckled.

  Tanya felt uncomfortable.

  ”Could we, perchance, focus on our current quest?” she said.

  Mr Frown burped.

  ”Of course! Who knows, it might lead us to unexpected destinations.”

  ”It might get us killed,” she said, looking down the only possible path, that would support her horse, without slowly drowning them both.

  Mr. Frown laughed.

  ***

  ”Nearly there now,” said Mr. Frown. ”Beyond that bend, you’ll see the house of my peculiar brother.”

  He waved his hand.

  At that moment it occured to her; shouldn’t he be armed with something?

  ”Mr.,” she said, while her eyes still focused on the bend.

  ”Mmm.”

  ”I just thought… I have my sword and shield, knife and poison darts. So-”

  ”You need not worry,” he chuckled, wobbling the skin.

  She took a mental note of his non-answer, as she thought of more to say. Would he really travel in this eerie realm without a weapon?

  ”If you want to know why I travel without a weapon, there is good reason for it.”

  Tanya shivered and turned hastily to Mr. Frown.

  ”Are you reading my thoughts!?”

  He gave her less than a glance.

  ”Relax. I can’t hear them,” he said. ”Though I read you, and that is a subtle yet precise art.”

  She could see through him this time, that he wanted to laugh yet again, but he made the effort to seem sincere. To seem normal. Tanya took that as a friendly gesture.

  The feeling of contentment was killed in an instant, as her horse trampled deep through the ground, and the road caved under its weight. Tanya’s reaction flung her to the side.

  ”My ghost!”

  At that point, Brandghast’s head was submerged.

  ”Do what you can, Gegga!” said Mr. Frown. So it stood there – and it did less than nothing. No. It peed a little.

  ”Well, it was worth a shot,” said the wizard, as he started to make strange signs in the air with his hands.

  Gegga made twittering bird noises.

  ”Oh, Gegga does that,” he said, as a long and thin object was pulled from his torn brown sleeve.

  Tanya was still screaming but she noticed an intense reflection, caused by the one ray of sunlight through sadly branched treetops, and turned to Mr. Frown for a split second.

  ”What are you doing?” She saw the metal infused wooden staff, impossibly long for Mr. Frown’s coat.

  He hoisted the staff, like a wine toast, nodding his head, continuing the strange signs with the fingers of his free hand.

  ”Ghh – You know, any and all questions you can pass on to my lovely secretary,” he said, grimacing.

  The ground shook, liquids vibrated around the puddle – where the only sight of Brandghast was bubbles of air.

  ”Are you doing this!?” Humbled in her frantic panic, she stared at her confidant.

  ”Aye, that would be me,” he said, intently focused. ”Do me a favor. Hop on the shell of Gegga, see if you can direct him.”

  Tanya had her doubts, but trusted in the wizard’s mad plan.

  ”Now what do I do?”

  Gegga shook its head.

  ”Easy now, you’ll scare the poor thing.”

  Hope rushed into Tanya’s lungs when she saw that Brandghast’s head was free from the muck.

  Sweat ran down Mr. Frown’s forehead, and he seemed more and more to embody his unfortunate appearance. He let go of the staff – and there it stayed, in mid air, as his hand morphed. It looked like… like an octopus’s tentacle. Dripping wet suckers gripped the staff again and the concave head glowed a mixture of colors.

  By the gods, what are you? thought Tanya, stopping for a split second to question everything.

  A great pit had formed – all mud pushed aside.

  ”Is he dead?” said Tanya. Her whole body swung back and forth between Brandghast and Mr. Frown, like an open door in a storm. ”Just- just get him to safety, come on!”

  Gegga trampled the ground in protest of its new rider.

  ”We’ll find out soon, trust me,” said Mr. Frown. ”But you’ll calm yourself, or it’s bye bye horsie. Understand!?”

  Mr. Frown hunched his back, heaving.

  She never felt so scolded, but calmed herself with deep breaths.

  ”Tell me how to steer it,” she said.

  Something drew her gaze toward the bend. But her mind told her it was nothing. Insticts however, already had their say.

  ”You got that?!” he said.

  ”I- Yes!” she lied.

  Mr. Frown’s staff seemed attuned to the soil, enchanted with shades of brown and green. The colors boiled and popped in the concave top. His sleeve then ripped apart, revealing a full on tentacle.

  Tanya had no idea how much she stared at this friend of old. She began to wonder, what was he, really?

  It all went by so fast. As she finally let her gaze loose from her monster-wizard-friend, Brandghast already levitated high above the sinkhole. She’d seen all sorts of demons slain, but this – this magic, it was a rare sight for anyone.

  ”Now! Get Gegga grounded under! I can’t move ’horsie’ to the side. He- Gnah- is heavy as a cannon,” said Mr. Frown, as he started to loose the power in his voice.

  ”Right!” she said, wondering what the Hells a ’cannon’ was.

  It was the first time Tanya saw him physically tired. Then his mouth opened to more than a crack – more than a bite. She was curious, but more so worried for her unconscious horse.

  ”Go, Gegga, come on! That’s your friend!” she tried.

  ”Were you not listening, Tanya?”

  ”Uh, maybe not,” she was ashamed to admit. ”I was distracted.”

  ”By what? Nevermind. Just say these words, and the mushcrawler will obey,” said Mr. Frown, forgivingly, and uttered the words.

  ”Siuine iridanium exo membra deus Gegga!” she recited. Like a secret door Gegga’s shell opened, revealing a stool and… What was that? ”Euhm…”

  Too mezmerized to speak a word of it, Tanya took a seat, and it all turned dark as night.

  ”I- I- I need to-” ’Frown’ seemed taken by something greater than himself, and was invisibly held in the air.

  Fwop!

  Tanya flinched, as something attached to her neck, no more painful than a bee sting. With the attachment in place, Gegga’s inner shell lit up with a strange yellow hued light, inside of glass containers, by her feet.

  Mr. Frown was gasping for air. The tentacle arm was dripping. Not just sweat, but something darker.

  ”It should be intuitive!” he yelled.

  And it was. She could see everything outside the shell – and inside, all crystal clear. Many thoughts ran through her mind in a very short moment. But, in the next one, all effort went into the rescuing of Brandghast, and – she moved with Gegga, as one being. Her thoughts. Its actions.

  ”Nnngh! Save that horse, now!” His tentacle pulsed in powerful bursts, tearing his coat over the shoulder.

  Plant us under my Brandghast! she thought. In a split second Gegga stood ready.

  The wizard dropped his staff and fell to his knees. The ground then took his face, as a sharp rock erased his eye-flaps.

  She saw it as he rolled to his side, by the power of that wild arm. Then her eyes shot straight up.

  ”Oh God-” she blurted out, thinking she’d be crushed.

  Thudd!

  Not quite. The see-through shell of Gegga had played her.

  ”My ghost!” She steered the mushcrawler to safer ground, down road – in the direction of their quest. Her urge to pet him was overpowering.

  She could hear fading moans of agony from her friend, saw that slithering tentacle in her mind. Seemed to have a will of its own.

  ”How do I get out again? Gegga? Thank you, but please let me out.”

  Gegga tweeted like a bird, as it bent its hind legs and let the horse’s limp body slide off. The heart of Brandghast was not strong, but beating. The great relief came when he inexplicably opened his eyes- Well, he tried to, but there were big lumps of mud and grass in their field of view. More of the stuff came out, as Tanya’s ’Ghost’ barfed. His body flailed around for several long seconds. Then, as if by the will of gods, Brandghast heaved deep and – he could finally rest. And not that final rest that she had feared.

  ”You’re alive, you bumbling buffoon of a whore’s horse! Yes! We did it!” she yelled, then looked for Mr. Frown.

  Tanya went back, still in Gegga, to save her friend. As soon as she laid her eyes on the way back, she saw him.

  ”Surprise surprise, friend,” he said, eyes filled with blood. ”You did well. I’m sorry, I look a right mess. I do hope my brother has tea, even though we’re not expected.”

  ”I’m so glad you’re on your feet!” said Tanya. ”Wait, how do I get out of this thing?”

  ”Get out? Not for a couple of days. You have to let Gegga finish binding its soul to you.”

  ”Excuse me?”

  Gegga twittered like a bird.

  ”Look, we made it! That’s my brother’s house,” said Mr. Frown happily, as his face left a too-red-to-miss trail behind him.

  Tanya felt exhaustion take over. To be one with this mechanical animal really took a toll mentally.

  The wizard’s staff shot into his sleeve, and he kept walking.

  She could hear his laughter from afar. She was fuming. Around the bend he was gone. At the same moment, she realised her supplies did not return with her horse. Among them; sword and shield. ”Hells… Where is the house?”

  Gegga moved, and heaved open a metal hatch, half hidden in the vegetation. The mushcrawler whistled and stretched its legs, like it won a playful game.

  Tanya laughed. She couldn’t believe it. Then she saw the stairs – leading down to the perfect dark.

  ”Shite!”

  ”Are you coming, Tanya?”

  ”An underground dwelling is not a house, Mr. Frown!” she said, as she descended the stairs.

  Clunk! Clank!

  The staircase got too narrow for Gegga, and Tanya was flung out of her seat so hard she hit the shell – And the chord in her neck was yanked out.

  ”Damnit!” she said, as blood ran down her forehead. ”Wizards and their stupid ideas.”

  To her surprise the shell opened up, and she climbed out its back, proceeded to navigate Gegga up from the tight passage and was about to run down those steps – when she realized Gegga was still listening, obeying.

  ”But what are we, if not soulbound? That was supposed to take days.”

  Gegga just lay down in the tall grass by the entrance, and looked her straight in the eye.

  ”I… I suppose an animal can like someone regardless. No need to be probed in the neck.”

  Still, she felt like something kept that chord in her head. A dusty chord. One that was supposed to have been there all her life.

  ”Gegga,” said Tanya, as her hand reached for the rare animal. ”what are you? I feel like I’ve known you for years, rather than days.”

  ”I know how you feel. We share this feeling.”

  Tanya fell to her knees in disbelief, belief or… something.

  ”Wha- wha- wha- What?” she said, finally.

  What puzzled her the most was not that the mushcrawler could talk. It couldn’t. Well, it did. Or rather, Tanya understood its language. The tweety twittering bird sounds it made, it did not really sound like any kind of communication she knew of. But, all the same, her mind understood the high pitched melody produced by the mushcrawler.

  ”

  What the Hells. she thought and closed her eyes for a thorough rub.

  ”What are you thinking about? It looks like it’s taking a toll on you,” said Gegga. ”I’d love to help. I’m usually a good help. At least, I think I am. I should really be helping you, I feel.”

  Its twittering and whistling was all the more beautiful when she could understand the meaning. It was – hypnotic. This mount looked the part of some ancient uncivilized race, with big mushroomy legs and moldy lumps all over its exterior.

  ”What is going on? Is this a dream? It must be, right?”

  Tanya thought of the dust-mites gathered in the interior of that shell.

  ”What is a dream?” said Gegga.

  ”What do you mean?-” Her tone dialed into passive aggressive. ”Hold on. I am talking to a wild animal, in its language, is that bloody right?”

  ”Right as right ever was, new friend,” said Gegga. ”What’s your name?”

  ”Good God,” she whispered. ”I- I’m Tanya. Tanya Julius.”

  She had just started to find out how much she enjoyed the conversation, after getting over the whole absurdity thing, when a familiar voice echoed from downstairs.

  ”Are you coming withing the week, dear Tanya?” said Mr. Frown.

  She didn’t have an answer in that instant. Instead, her eyes rested ,with great comfort, in the eyes of her new friend.

  As Mr. Frown reached the surface, his ears welcomed the most soothing of bird songs. By the last step, at the hatch, he noticed Tanya had closed her eyes.

  ”Look at you. Didn’t know one could escape a soulbinding. Well well well well, that is useful information indeed. Err… Tanya?”

  ”Not now, wizard. This part is incredible,” she said.

  ”So I hear. Still, you should know, someone is coming. Straight for us, I might add,” said Mr. Frown.

  Tanya opened her eyes, not knowing whether or not to draw her darts and blowpipe from their long pocketed rest, and she looked both ways in a hurry. Someone came alright. But that someone was no threat to anyone present.

  ”Brandghast, my ’Ghost’!” Tanya felt a high of happy hop around in her heart, while at the same time – she felt dumb as a stick under a brick. ”I- I’m so sorry my ’Ghost’. I was desperate to get the help you needed. But… something happened.”

  Brandghast, on weak legs, met with Tanya, as she burst into tears.

  ”Oh- Hey now, I did not ask Mr. Smile for a bottle of wine, just so you know,” said Mr. Frown.

  ”My friend. I have no excuse. I kind of got lost in a… hypnotic state. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry,” said Tanya, as her cheek wetted against the horse’s.

  Of course, her horse didn’t give a damn, and had no idea she had been held up in any way. It was simply glad to see her again.

  ”Right,” said Mr. Frown. ”something tells me you’ll want to stay with Brandghast for a while. I’ll head downstairs to confer with ’Smile’, see if he could let us pass his property. I should like to get on our damp merry way as soon as we have the will.”

  Right then, the stairway behind Mr. Frown lit up. Something moved through the air, like heatwaves over an intense fire. They landed in glass containers, up in the trees, surrounding what had become a well illuminated hatch. The small containers irradiated light, somehow.

  An almighty hand gripped the side of the opening. Then another. Mr. Smile was coming out.

  Purely instinctual, Tanya fingered for her poisonous weapon.

  ”A fine day to stumble upon my hole of a home. A very fine day.”

  When she peered inside that dark tattered hood, looming high – Mr. Smile standing tall on the moist patches of grass – shivers ran all through her bones. She turned to her horse, raising a foot high, about to ride all the way back. She canceled her rash action as she thought of their mission – The Book of Darkness.

  Mr. Smile smiled.

  ”You are Tanya, I see. I have a surprise, just for you,” he said. ”Come. I’ll pour some green herb tea.”

  ”Yes!” exclaimed Mr. Frown. ”Good news Tanya. Tea!”

  She felt like she didn’t need any more surprises on that particular day.

  ”I hate only one thing, concerning my residence, and that is my garden,” said Mr. Smile, as he seemed to float down the stairs.

  ”But… this is a marshland. Not a garden,” said Tanya, quietly.

  ”Exactly!” came from way down the stairs.

  ”We’re right behind you!” said Mr. Frown. Then he adressed Tanya; ”I just hope I can hold the cup. This new limb of an arm struggles with me to no end. I can easily imagine it will dash the tea out of my good hand.”

  Mr. Frown laughed, down all 52 steps.

  ”Ladies first,” said the gigantic Mr. Smile. He bowed and underhand waved her toward the metal door. ”I hope you’re hydrated enough for what I am about to show you.”

  Fuck, someone must have thrown my fate in a blender, thought Tanya, as she saw the thick door open, before she even lay a hand on it.

  It was not by any magical spell, but by the hand of the resident – the big surprise by ’Smile’.

  ”Tanya?”

  ”Victor? What? Victor! You’re-”

  She was, in fact, not hydrated enough. Too little water and too much wine in her system – she collapsed before her miraculously living brother. The hug would have to wait.