Imagine that — a person spends their whole life reading Goethe, parsing sentence structure, sucking down grants, and convincing themselves it’s for the greater good. Honestly? It’s kind of hilarious.

  Now, don’t get it twisted. I’m not jealous. I’m not here to shame people making a living however they can. But personally? I find a lot of this crap useless.

  Not because it’s evil. But because huge piles of cash go into “important research” that doesn’t actually help anyone.

  Humanity, for the most part, is bullshitting. Me included.

  Yeah, I’m right here with you — wasting time writing this book, buying dumb crap on Amazon instead of inventing a cure for cancer.

  So I’m not judging. I don’t count your money. I’m just sharing how I see it. My main concern? Billions flushed down the toilet instead of being used for something that actually moves the needle.

  “Criticize less, propose more!” — Yeah yeah, I hear you, comrade. But let’s get one thing straight: I’m not your guru. Not your messiah. Not your productivity coach. And even if I were? I still wouldn’t tell you how to live, bro.

  Do your thing. Live your truth. Have fun. Just stay within the law. Uncle Law still matters.

  Still, maybe some of you do wanna know what’s been bugging me lately. Well, I’ll say it straight: rewind this book to the part where I said “start asking yourself tough questions.”

  That’s my answer. A question.

  And now I’ll masterfully segue into the next part with this sentence:

  There’s someone in this world who didn’t want to ask those questions.

  Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

  One night, I had a dream that I was scrolling through a random social network, late in the evening

  — you know the vibe — lazily swiping through the feed. And suddenly, I stumble upon some completely fictional woman.

  She popped up in a photo inside some community group. She was holding a certificate and smiling wide into the camera. At the top of the post it said: “Congratulate me! I just became a professor of geodesy. Yoohoo!”

  Back then, there were no neural networks or deepfakes — this person looked totally real. And as I stared at her, what I saw was an older, chubby mademoiselle in massive glasses, a face full of wrinkles, and… well, you get the idea.

  I’m wording all this vaguely on purpose — too lazy to fend off the activist squads who’ll scream “Lookism!” and try to cancel me. Because how dare I write without Uncle Cancel’s blessing, right?

  But back then, I really was looking and thinking the kind of thoughts the Nighttime Human has — you know, the kind that pop up right before sleep, when you remember your neighbor Tony and his weird face.

  “Does this woman look in the mirror? What does she see there? I wonder what she feels when she looks in the mirror? Does she see anxiety? Pain? Or just her diploma?”

  And then, lightning struck. She doesn’t see herself at all.

  She sees — the Certificate! That little piece of paper distracts her from every physical inconvenience.

  Blown away by the simplicity of that thought, I realized: this professor just escapes into her work. She drowns herself in degrees, pumps out academic articles, and desperately avoids looking at what probably causes her pain.

  “Stop judging people by their looks. What matters is what’s in their brain, their soul, their heart. The body is just a temporary skin — like a video game character you haven’t upgraded yet.”

  And now that you’ve shouted that noble line at me with full conviction — allow me to hit you with a little announcement.

  Time to tear off all the veils. Let’s stomp on the mask I’ve been wearing over my green, scaly face.

  That’s right — you heard me. I’m actually a hidden reptiloid who’s been studying you humans to figure out what makes you tick and what you really want deep down.

  And what I’ve learned is that you all want to be forever young and immortal.

  Well, lucky for you — I’ve got the full stock of serums and ultra-botox fillers. I can make you exactly how you dream to be. But in return — you’ll have to sing all the songs from K-Pop with me and my whole crew aboard the spaceship.

  What was that you said again?

  “Stop judging people by appearances. The mind, soul, and heart matter more!” Oh, that was you? Oops, I must’ve misheard.

  So, are you going to study Korean with me or not?!

  And by the way — I’m not making fun of that woman.

  Through her fictional example, I’m just trying to show you what I consider totally useless in the face of the incoming clusterfuck that’s about to hit her — and all of us.