Finding Answers

  Ugh, where is it…

  Theo was regretting trying to do the impossible—organize his room. Or rather, his books, which made up a significant portion of the mess. A mess so monstrous that even Ty had given up on sorting it.

  I swear it was here…

  He had just finished going through all the books in the back of his room, the ones across from his bed that he didn’t reference often and were there mostly for safekeeping because he just might need them one day.

  Like that perfect pudding, once upon a time.

  Letting out a long sigh and pushing his hair out of his face, he took a sip of water from a mug on his messy, script-strewn, book-bogged desk. Piles and piles of things he had let accumulate over time that he told himself he’d get around to clearing one day. But who was he kidding? There was no reason for him to when he almost always worked at the table across the room.

  He set his mug down and took a deep breath before hurdling over his square seat by his worktable to reach the books behind it. Three. There were three books he was looking for, two of which he knew for a fact were in this pile, but one he was less sure of.

  Survey of Ancient Magic…Survey of Ancient Magic…

  Combing through tower after tower of books—some textbooks, some notebooks, some books he hadn’t even touched before—he absently wondered to himself exactly how many tomes he had stolen from Emrys without his consent.

  It was during the dark days. Rain had poured the entire week, and Em had been in a sour mood for its entirety after returning from a visit to one of his teachers. He had asked to be left alone, and on the rare chances he resurfaced from his study, his temper was far shorter than usual.

  But slowly, little by little, Em…returned to normal. The rain stopped. They started talking again. Instead of doing research and training all the time, they even went on walks sometimes, and he became far more patient with him when it came to learning new spells. The days didn’t just feel like they had turned back to normal, but…brighter.

  He didn’t know what had caused the change of heart, and in truth he didn’t want to say anything because he was afraid of shattering the dream, but one day his teacher did something unexpected—he decided to clean out some books in his library.

  I took four…five?

  That night, he waited for their caretaker—Nie—to draw a bath for Em before sneaking into the downstairs library. He looked at the heart-wrenching pile of books marked Burn and picked up as many as he dared, trying to choose ones that were similar to each other—if he was lucky, they’d make a series. His studies were all that he cared about when he was young.

  Oh, actually…I think this is it.

  Theo opened Volume 3 of A Survey of Ancient Magic. The author was blacked out, as expected. Em said that he needed to do it before it was burned, and the young Theo thought it completely rational and did not question it. What he eventually questioned, however, was what had happened to him during the dark days.

  I received news. My old teacher passed away. A lot happened. I needed time to process it. I’m sorry; I did not realize it affected you so much. I just want you to be happy. Is that okay?

  Pushing away another tower of books, Theo finally found the second book he had been searching for.

  History of Ancient Treatises and Defining Borders.

  Back then, he had it on hand for a geography course, but that was a thing of the past now.

  Ah, she’d be so sad if she knew that almost all classes got slashed…

  Twisting around so he could throw the book onto the table behind him—markedly less messy than before on account of him doing some organizing while forming his mini city of books—he promptly returned to the task at hand.

  Tomes…tomes…tomes…

  The bibliophile scooted over on the floor and pushed away more piles of books, stacking them to a uniform height until he finally reached a smaller stack of books beside the spot where Ty usually sat.

  Tomes are the only books she likes to read leisurely, anyway…

  He grabbed the first one and let out a small chortle when he saw which one it was.

  Anti…Antistrophe? What is this? Where did you get this?

  He could still hear her voice in his mind as she gawked at him. He could see the near-pristine, beautiful white book in her small, delicate hands as he explained to her that he needed to disassemble his once-perfect pudding.

  “Theo?”

  In the middle of picking up another tome, Theo bent over even further to inspect the shoes of the person who had entered his room. “Yes?” he asked upon spotting the unmistakable casting shoes.

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

  “Where…where are you?”

  He straightened his back and waved a hand from the floor. “Here,” he called. “You’re right on time. I’m looking for a tome for you.”

  “Ah.”

  Eyeing the visitor taking a seat in front of him from the corner of his eye, he glanced at Faris for barely a second before picking up a new book. “Feeling better?”

  “No, not at all.”

  “Anything I can do to help?”

  “Do you need any help?”

  Theo paused mid-flip before placing his current tome into the ‘no’ pile. “Anything I can do to help?”

  Faris registered the challenge and smiled faintly before turning around to sit properly in his seat. “I’ve got dinner. Eat.”

  “I’m busy looking for your book.” He pulled another thin tome from the pile and went down the list of contents.

  One-shot spells…I should have a tome of the common ones here…

  Faris began eating and staring at the opposite wall where Theo normally sat. “Don’t look for it. It’s okay.”

  “No. What’s going to happen if you need the spell in a life-or-death situation?”

  He didn’t even finish chewing the food in his mouth before he answered. “I’ll just die.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  Faris thoughtfully chewed his food this time instead of giving an answer.

  This is here…this is here…okay, this might be the one…

  “I know you. You’ll find the book, anyway.”

  This one’s here, too…okay, I think this is as good as it gets. I might have to revise his rotation…

  “You’re right, I have.”

  Faris turned his head and watched his class lead stand up. “Guess I’m not dying, then.”

  When Theo finally sat back in his seat, with all three books in a pile beside him, he glared bitterly at his classmate. “You wouldn’t joke about that in front of Ty, so don’t do it in front of me.”

  Again, Faris shrugged off the comment and returned to eating while staring at the door now instead of the wall.

  Seeing his classmate’s indifference, Theo let out a small sigh before pulling out Ty’s tactician’s pen. “This should be easier to carry around—if you’ve completely memorized all your spells, we can even strap this onto one of your existing books, too.”

  The caster nodded absently.

  “Where did you get that other tome, anyway?”

  “Found it.”

  “Shouldn’t you have enough money to purchase one yourself?”

  “I don’t.”

  “You’re a noble. You bought a book in the Royal Capital.”

  “It was for a good reason.”

  Book wide open in front of him, the tactician focused on his classmate. “Does that mean you’re not going home if we go to Syarktos?”

  “Correct.”

  “The Circle of Graces was right?”

  “Yes. I was told that I’d be disowned if I returned to school.”

  Theo could not help speaking his mind. “Why are you still here, then?”

  “Because there’s nowhere else.”

  He hadn’t expected him to say that. “What do you mean there’s nowhere else?”

  Faris sent a critical glare in his direction. “What do you think it means? I have no home to go back to.”

  “…How did you get back in your state?”

  “I went on my knees and begged.”

  It wasn’t his neutral or distant expression that surprised Theo, but the callousness of his words. “No, you didn’t.”

  Faris shifted his distant gaze over to him, the dissociation not wavering in the least. “You’re right, I didn’t.”

  Theo looked down, breaking eye contact and trying to swallow the words he wanted to say.

  You’re lying.

  “Come on. Eat.”

  You’re lying.

  The caster pushed over a bowl similar to his as well as another, smaller plate that he didn’t have himself. On it was a single rectangular pastry topped with candied peach slices.

  “You’re lying,” he whispered as his eyes fell on Faris again.

  “Just imagine it,” Faris began emotionlessly while staring at the door. “In the middle of the night, I went on my knees and begged the guard posted outside my door to get me a carriage back to the Academy. I couldn’t walk properly, so I told him to grab me a cane. I offered him all the gold I had on me, a great deal more than his job as a guard for the wealthiest family in Syarktos was worth to him. He took it and procured me a cane as promised, drove me to the outskirts of the Lycean Plains the next day, then dropped me off. I walked the rest of the way and took two days in this sorry state.”

  When the ever-proud caster returned to working on his bowl of mixed grains, vegetables, and meat, Theo finally took the time to take a long look at him again. His pale, thin skin. Sunken cheeks less noticeable now, his one violet eye dark and downcast. His black eyepatch still secure over his right eye, his cheeks slightly pinker. Lips lax to form a frown. Bangs less unruly, though the right side was still long enough to partially cover his eye covering, drooping down every time he bent over to take a bite. The rest of his long hair was up in a ponytail today, like he had started doing since crossing the Royal Boundary.

  And of course, the sadness…less hidden when they were alone together.

  “Where did you get the gold to buy a tome?”

  Silence hung in the air.

  “Was it Darius?”

  “No. I found a medicine chest in my room when I returned. It was filled with some traces of black dust and more gold than I had given the guard.”

  He could see it in his mind. Brown. Plain. Barely the size of a small stepping stool. So unremarkable that even Ty hadn’t been able to find it among the belongings she had left in his room before leaving—or so he had been told.

  “I…I see,” he answered weakly, finally returning to the tomes in front of him and writing on them in blood red.

  “Don’t you have your own pen?” Faris piped up when Theo finished and put the book between them.

  The tactician cocked his head and held up Ty’s pen. “This one? No, I don’t.”

  The caster was oddly insistent. “Why don’t you get one? You officially took up the position. They should give you a pen and ring.”

  “I mean…I suppose,” answered Theo indecisively. “Maybe I’ll get one when we visit.”

  “What are you going there for, anyway? Emrys?”

  “Yeah. To get some answers.”

  “Answers to what?”

  “I don’t know. Everything.”

  “Do you think he’ll tell you?”

  “I…I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

  “You must have faith in him to be bringing us there.”

  “Well, no one I trust is around anymore.”

  Heavy, meaningful silence lingered in the air for only a few seconds this time, until Theo’s stomach let out a rumble.

  Faris nudged the bowl and plate over. “Come on, eat. And then get some sleep. We’re setting off not long from now.”

  “Yeah,” he mumbled, lifting a hand to pick up the dessert first, fondly recalling the last time he had eaten this exact pastry. “Thank you.”

  Quietly, the two ate their food across from each other, acting like everything was normal by making idle talk, ever so quietly. Theo in his normal spot, the caster in the cherished seat across from him with his new tome authorized with the blood of someone who would not return. Discussing lofty things, class things. Family things, magic things. Only a few sentences at a time, followed by curt replies. Smiles, frowns. Distant looks, shrugs. A rare chuckle. The closest thing to normal that they could afford when all the world had to offer was sadness, death, and destruction.

  If this is all there is, he wondered to himself as he watched Faris get up to leave because all their food was done and the blanket of night had descended, I wonder…

  “Good-night, Theo.”

  “’Night, Faris. Thanks again for today.”

  “Anytime. Thanks for the book.”

  I wonder if it’s enough. If I can change.