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Chapter Fourteen: Of Priests and Problems

  Joy was a gift that Mir found himself receiving more and more often of late. The living room of the cabin had transformed, Lei deciding he wanted the puppies next to the fireplace and not the stove. His husband was utterly adorable when he was determined, and so Mir had only been able to watch as he'd put together a lovely, large space for Miracle and her pups to call their own. Spacious enough for a mother to turn around in while her little ones mobbed her, heated to help regulate bodies big and small, and full of thick padding that had nothing but comfort and safety in mind. All so that, in his free moments, the dragon could just sprawl out a respectful distance away and watch tiny bodies snuffle, squeak, and drink milk.

  Miracle had started using him as a babysitter by the fourth day, stretching her legs and getting time to herself without her offspring latched onto her.

  Predictably, Mir had lost a good portion of his husband's attention to the small, cute things, and he couldn't even be mad about it. Not when Lei's eyes sparkled so brightly, and a glowing happiness suffused his face when he was allowed to touch one for the first time. He'd already started testing out nicknames for them, and Mir just knew that none of these babies were going to end up in the Keep's kennels. That was the only unfortunate part of the whole situation, since that would mean they'd have eight hellhounds around the house. Their cabin was spacious but not that spacious. Time for a new outbuilding.

  Which is where he currently was, in his workshop, looking over the layout of the demesne and figuring out the best spot for the construction, when his communication orb chimed. Not the tone reserved for Flarb and the Shadow Gang, but the one he'd assigned to Greystone. He allowed himself an irritated sigh that made Mayhem look up from his position at Mir's feet. "Nothing to worry about boy, just a small nuisance." He scratched the beast between the ears as he answered the orb.

  Greystone's face came into view, the vampire looking a little more bloodless than usual. "I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but I've just finished looking over my daily dispatches, and we have a problem."

  'We' was a very strong word to use toward Vladimir Grimm. "No Greystone. You have a problem and approximately thirty seconds to make me care about it." Mir's voice had taken on a peculiar tone quality, one normally employed by men whose time is very expensive when they are trapped in cheap conversations.

  "An official notice just arrived to inform me that a new priest is coming to Holly-on-Green." He held up one hand, showcasing blistered fingertips. "It was a very official notice."

  "Ah, I see you warrant the good stationery." Mir settled back in his chair, folding one leg atop the other as his body subconsciously adopted the pose he'd used with subordinates all his life. From somewhere by his feet, Mayhem stopped worrying his bone long enough to growl, low and threatening, recognizing his master's displeasure. "Please go ahead and explain to me how you allowed this to happen, Greystone." His tail tip flicked in irritation, in much the same manner as a displeased cat.

  The vampire sighed. "Honestly, it was an oversight. A merchant came through a couple of months ago, before I was fully in residence. A particularly pious merchant, it would seem. He didn't much care for the fact that our church was standing empty and that there was 'godlessness' along his new route."

  "Then he can simply take a different route." Mir's voice was rather firm. "Both the River Road and the Old Road that meet outside Holly-on-Green are sub-par for large volume trade." It was one of the considerations he'd taken into account when deciding to settle.

  Greystone flinched, ever so slightly. "Well, they were. I may have used some of my clout and connections to begin infrastructure improvements. Notably of the Cobbles Bridge near By-Bridge and the section of the River Road near Millsford."

  Mir's short claws dug deep furrows into the armrest of his chair. "Let me get this straight. After going through all the effort to scout for a territory that was just the right level of remote for a safe Ascension bid, you improved access to it? Greystone, I understand improving the internal infrastructure of your territory, especially for someone who values appearances as much as you do. You need nice things for the reports back to Kingsreach after all, and improving the lives of the peasantry is usually a hit, but making it easier to get to you?"

  He couldn't believe how someone who'd lived this many years and claimed to have court savvy could make a mistake so blindly juvenile.

  "I needed the improved access to bring the materials in for my Manor!"

  Ah. There it was. Classic vampire arrogance at its finest. Because Alastair Greystone needed a manor house constructed to particular standards and didn't have the magical muscle to make it happen in proper Dark Lord fashion, he'd taken a mundane shortcut. One that had led a pious merchant to write the Church. "Greystone," Mir's tone turned warning. "You had better conduct offering rites to whatever it is you worship that this doesn't become a violation of Article 1..."

  Greystone's swallow was audible, the lump moving down his suddenly dry throat visible. A pink sweat broke out on his forehead, and he dabbed at it with a silk cloth. Article 1: Thou Shalt Not Draw the Attention of Good to These Lands. "No, I promise you. The priest will be managed. This was more of a courtesy notification. Of a potential problem! I'm sure that's somewhere in one of the Articles isn't it?"

  "A subset of Article 5, yes... very well, Greystone. See that the priest either understands how things work in this village or that he understands that he needs to take up an assignment elsewhere." He reached out to cut the connection to the orb.

  "A moment!" The baron's voice was quick to cut in. "My manservant, Broll, has gone missing."

  Mir narrowed his eye. "The one who insulted me? Unfortunate. If you're asking me where he is, Greystone, I haven't been keeping track of him. You're responsible for your own minions."

  "Yes, well, if you hear anything. Let me know. I'll have to replace him soon, and good help is difficult to find." Greystone looked genuinely put out by the loss of his pet Northman. The exact expression of a man who'd misplaced his favorite spoon or ruined his favorite pair of socks.

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  Sitting there in his lab, Mir's gaze flicked down to the human femur that Mayhem had started to worry at once more. His thoughts briefly wandered to the new soul-powered lantern he'd used to illuminate the lower latrine in the Keep, a working conditions improvement for the Shadow Gang. "Of course," he murmured smoothly, "if I hear anything from him, I'll be sure to let you know. Goodbye, Greystone."

  He cut the connection with a snap, letting his head thump back against the high back of his chair. Mayhem licked the drool from his chops, resting his elegant head on Mir's knee and pricking his sharp ears all the way up, the way he always did when he was paying attention to his master. "Hello good boy, sensing my stress. It's alright, Daddy is just surrounded by idiots. Yes, he is."

  "Surrounded are you?" Lei's voice carried that cool edge that denoted he knew very well Mir wasn't talking about him, but was fully prepared to use the slip of the tongue to get a concession out of his husband.

  "Present company excluded my heart. What brings you out to my shed of evil?" He spread his arm, offering the thigh not covered in doting hellhound drool for Lei to settle on, his smile widening when the dragon took him up on the offer. His day was now immeasurably better.

  "I need to go into town. I need more of that specific pigment that Giselle makes to finish the glaze on the last cup set for that merchant order. Remember, the one from By-Bridge." He made the money symbol with his fingers again. "And was that Greystone I heard on the orb? Is everything alright?"

  "Not entirely, unfortunately. Your merchant friend, or one of his ilk, decided that Holly-on-Green was a godless wasteland full of corrupt souls, wandering astray without the firm hand of the Church to guide them. He was so upset and fearing for their salvation, it seems he gave a significant amount of money to the Church to rectify this situation by dispatching a priest at once."

  Lei's snort was almost explosive. "Ah yes, nothing says 'shepherding the wayward flock' like paying for a priest with their weight in gold." Lei did not care for religious performance, only religious practice. The dragon was infinitely supportive of honest, good, holy people everywhere. Unfortunately, they were often overshadowed by those who had greed in their hearts and desire for the worldly threading their souls.

  "Now, now my heart. It's better for us if it's one of the bribable ones. Otherwise, our comfortable existence here will be compromised, and Greystone's life will become a living hell. If that happens, he might call me to solve his problems more often. Do you really want the need to wipe a whiny vampire's buttocks to eat into our alone time?" A fingertip traced his husband's jaw, tilting it for a kiss. "I can make you that pigment, love. I can make you more dazzling pigments than colors you can imagine."

  The dragon enjoyed his kiss, enjoyed the closeness, then patted Mir's cheek with a bright smile. "You could. But I still want Giselle's pigment. I want to make sure that those poor villagers are recovering properly and that Greystone isn't trying any tricks, saying he's helping them when he's really not."

  "Oh, I'd say he's helping them too much. He made infrastructure improvements that will promote high-volume trade through the region. True, that means more coin, but it also means easier access from things we don't want. Like random Adventurers looking to sniff up trouble. Or Bards..."

  They both shuddered at that. There was nothing worse than a Bard, except a Heroic Bard. It was well known that Bards were incapable of keeping their mouths shut, their noses out of everyone's business, and their bits in their pants. If a Bard came through Holly-on-Green, there'd be at least three unexpected pregnancies, five new tavern songs the children definitely were not allowed to hear, and a blood feud based on half-truths by the time they left.

  "What if you come with me? We could take Mayhem." He reached over to pat the hellhound, orchid eyes suddenly spotting the femur on the floor. His lenses flashed in the clean light of the alchemy workshop. "Darling. Who was that?" Now Lei's voice was actually in the dangerous register, fingers walking up Mir's chest until he could rub a thumb along the pulse point of the pale man's neck.

  The heartbeat under Lei's touch was calm and steady, painfully so. Mir held his husband's gaze with mild amusement. "Do you really want the answer to that question, my heart? It'll make you complicit."

  "Was it someone I knew?"

  "It was most certainly not. Nor was it someone you would have approved of. They were a nuisance in the village. A bully." His hands cupped Lei's cheeks, his smile soft and delicate. "It was quick. It was a mercy, I swear to you on the root of my power."

  The dragon remained angry for a long moment, his eyes glittering and his pupils wholly feline, a sign of extreme displeasure. Then he wrapped his arms around Mir's neck, the tension going out of him as he tipped his cheek into one of those palms and stared into Mir's eye. "Darling, I know it's been stressful, what with the unsuitable Ascension candidate showing up on our doorstep and making you relive all those old impulses. You cannot just go back to murdering strangers and feeding them to your hellhounds, though. You promised me you'd cut back on that."

  "And I have, Lei. This is only the fourth in as many years. I can't help that there's an increase in trouble and the only solution that keeps presenting itself is the fatal kind. Look, how's this? The next annoying Adventurer or minor evil subordinate that causes a problem, I'll memory-strip them and release them somewhere sunny and warm. Cross your heart." Mir kissed the tip of his husband's nose and waited, with some tension, for the dragon to agree.

  Lei chuffed, letting his anger go in a puff of snorted smoke. It was really quite cute. "Alright, but make it somewhere nice, like a beach." He pulled back from his husband, slipping off Mir's thigh and shaking his head as he headed toward the door. "But you're still sleeping in the guest room tonight."

  As the door swung shut, it did so with a very final click, the sound of his husband's footsteps receding as Mir was left alone with his thoughts. He leaned forward, long ivory hair falling around him like a mourning veil. Through the heavy curtain of its strands, he glanced toward Mayhem and shrugged. "It was still worth it."

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