“The hob-koala what-a-the-fuck?” The man nearest John said as he looked around at the mass of tiny, knife wielding bears that surrounded them.

  “I didn’t sign up for this,” the other man said as he too took in his surroundings looking like a deer caught in headlights.

  The two of them had a similar look about them, perhaps they were related? Both had brunette hair, though one’s was significantly longer than the other’s and tied up in a messy bun.

  One of the men had a nasty scar across the side of his neck and knives strung across his chest in a bandolier, the long-haired male didn’t, but their faces looked disturbingly similar. Angular jaws, flushed cheeks, blue eyes.

  If John had to guess, it was only natural to assume that they were brothers.

  The attractive blonde woman standing opposite him seemed to have come to a similar conclusion as she looked between the two of them with a furrowed brow.

  Alrighty then contestants, the announcer began in its annoyingly jovial tones. This challenge is a rather simple one. Kill the Hob-Koala and take its card, it’s really that easy. Though I feel it is only right to tell you that there’s only one card. I can’t wait to see how that turns out!

  Sharing a look with Truffle, John lamented the sadism of the announcer. His annoying voice was one thing, but intentionally pitting John against his fellow humans for the right to take the card was just sick.

  Despite that, he was still unwilling to lose this chance at a second card. He needed it to survive. It would be his, he just hoped he wouldn’t have to kill someone to get his hands on it.

  Pulling himself from his spiralling thoughts, John noticed the shifty, untrusting gazes that the other contestants were sharing. It felt like he was in the middle of a Mexican standoff.

  “Listen,” the long-haired man began in a southern drawl, raising his palms in surrender, “I don’t want to kill any of y’all. Let’s just make a deal right here and now, that whoever lands the killing blow on this hob-koala, or whatever it’s called, takes the card and then we all go our separate ways.”

  “Y-yeah,” the short haired man agreed with a slight, fearful stutter in an identical accent to the other man. “I don’t want to die today, l-let’s work together to get through this and the card goes to whoever strikes the killing blow, just like that guy said.”

  Were they pretending to be strangers? Who would be stupid enough to fall for that? It was obviously some kind of ploy to get John and the girl to let their guards down. Did they think he was born yesterday?

  “That sounds like a great idea!” Truffle piped up, causing the three newcomers to go wide eyed almost in unison.

  I guess they’ve never seen a talking pig before, John thought.

  “You guys seem nice,” the teacup pig continued to their bewilderment. “My name is Truffle, what’s yours? If we’re going to be working together, it’s only right we know what to call each other.”

  “I-is anyone else seeing a talking pig or did I get spiked again?” The short-haired man asked, taking a step back.

  “Nope,” the long-haired man replied, “I can hear it too... stranger,” he added hastily.

  “Well shit, I kinda hoped I’d been spiked,” The short-haired man said, “at least that would have been somewhat normal.”

  Before the group could continue their ridiculous conversation, the announcer interrupted them once more.

  Here we go folks, the moment you’ve al been waiting for. Please put your hands together for the one, the only, Hob-Koala!”

  John half expected to hear cheering as he immediately drew his guns, but there was nothing. Well, apart from the sound of engines roaring overhead.

  Before he could look to the sky, where the sound was coming from, the world slowed down and a new quest appeared in front of him.

  New Quest:

  The Hob-Koala Hullabaloo

  Objectives:

  Kill the Hob-Koala 0/1

  Survive 0/1

  Reward:

  1/5 chance to receive a new card.

  One out of five chance? John thought, is there someone else here, or does that mean Truffle does count as a contestant?

  Before he had time to finish his thought, the world sprang back into life as the engine sound drew closer.

  John looked to the sky just in time to see a huge koala on a flying surfboard rocket into the middle of the open space he and his fellow contestants were currently occupying.

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  The surfboard had two small jet engines attached to the back that changed angles on a rotating gear that John had to assume the Hob-Koala could control. Because of this, it was not a surprise when the koala skidded to a mid-air holt and hovered ominously above them.

  … And here he is now! The Hob-Koala! Weighing in at approximately two hundred pounds. He’s well known around these parts for successfully riding the biggest wave ever seen in this hemisphere. Though he was disqualified for cheating due to his pimped out, flying surfboard. Let’s take a quick look at who’s going to be facing him in this challenge shall we?

  Not one to wait around in the face of death, John aimed his guns at the flying monster only… they weren’t there.

  That’s odd, he thought, I don’t remember putting them away. Shrugging, he attempted to pull his revolvers from his solar plexus when a strange warning flashed up on his interface.

  Warning:

  The use of cards prior to the start of a challenge is forbidden and blocked. Continuing to attempt this will result in a penalty.

  A penalty? John thought, what could be worse than having to fight a flying koala whilst expecting a knife in the back from your so-called teammates at any moment?

  First up we have BazzleDazzle69, the announcer continued as a spotlight appeared out of nowhere and lit up the short-haired man. He doesn’t have a card yet folks, but what he lacks in fighting strength he makes up for in stupidity.

  John snorted and BazzleDazzle69 shot him a nasty glance. “Just call me Baz, alright?” He said, dropping all pretences of his earlier nervous disposition. “I was high when the world went to shit so I entered my gamertag. If I’d have realised this was the apocalypse I would have chosen a better one.”

  “I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse,” John replied flippantly before the announcer continued.

  Joining him is his twin brother James… oh, that really is his contestant name. I guess he must have been the first person to use it after he jumped through the gate. The announcer said, losing his showman voice for a brief moment, James likes long walks on the beach, hunting deer, fishing and, according to his tinder profile, says that ‘fat chicks need not apply’.

  The long-haired man went bright red as the blonde lady shot him a discerning glare, “classy,” she said.

  “Goddamned aliens ruining our plan,” Baz hissed under his breath.

  “I think everyone here already knew you two were related,” John said casually, “it was pretty obvious.”

  “I didn’t!” Truffle replied, outraged, “why would you try to make us think you were strangers? Was it one of those practical jokes I’ve heard so much about? Ooh, let me try! I am… a horse.”

  “Correction,” John said with a sigh, “everyone apart from Truffle, knew you were related.”

  Joining them in this challenge is the lovely Joanna99. As one of only two carded contestants among the challengers, she’s going to be one to watch folks.

  Joanna and John shared a look as she must have realised that he was the other card holder at the same time he did. That made her his only real threat in the group. Unless Baz or James had a bazooka hidden up one of their asses, they were unlikely to be a threat.

  Though Bazzle could stab me in the back with one of those knives of his, John thought, I better keep an eye on him.

  Both of them were still wearing their pod bodysuits from the beginning of the game. How had they not even managed to get some clothes after two whole days of the competition? Then again, if they were starved for shards, choosing to buy weapons first wasn’t a bad idea. Perhaps there was more to them than they’d let on.

  And finally, the announcer bellowed randomly, almost blowing John’s eardrums, you may remember him from his fight with the Whowie, it’s John Doe and his partner Truuuufffflllleee.

  John rubbed his palm across his face whilst Truffle attempted to lift his trotter to wave at the invisible audience.

  Why did he have to introduce us like that? He thought, feeling his cheeks flush red.

  Now then, how about we get this show on the road folks? Three, two, one… GO!”

  Instantly, John’s revolvers reappeared in his hands and he pointed them skyward towards the Hob-Koala, but it had already moved.

  He tried to trace its erratic movements, firing off a few shots which went wildly off target. Even his locate weakness skill didn’t seem to help as the boss mob zipped and zagged around in the air like a wasp.

  The Hob-Koala flashed him a toothy grin before pulling a grenade from… somewhere. John shuddered at the thought of where the naked bear had been storing such a dangerous weapon.

  Zooming over his head, it dropped the baseball sized device. John only caught a glimpse of it as he began sprinting away, but it seemed to have little ball bearings stuck into its side. That was not good news.

  BOOM.

  The grenade exploded with a bright flash of fire as the zipping sound of shrapnel passed dangerously close to John’s head. He dived instinctually, landing in the midst of the hoard of regular sized, knife wielding koalas who had chased him earlier.

  “Ow,” he shouted, firing off a shot at the cheeky koala which had stabbed him in the right buttock as he landed, immediately hiding its knife behind its back pursing its lips like it was trying to do a nonchalant whistle. The bullet passed through the bear’s stomach with ease and took out the one behind it as well.

  That was when the carnage ensued.

  Previously, the koalas had been rather subdued. Happy to watch the challenge unfold, they had been nothing if not exemplary audience members. That was, until John shot at them, ending all possibilities of a peaceful evening viewership.

  Standing at the edge of the crowd, John brushed the dirt from his new jeans and swore. Then he noticed the gleaming red eyes of hundreds of small bears locked onto him. They began clashing their knives together and John knew exactly what that meant.

  “Oh no, not again,” he sighed, turning on his heels and sprinting away from the murderous koala hoard.

  From all sides of the clearing, koalas began clashing their knives together. Then, all at once, they began running into the centre of the battlefield.

  It was like a murderous, fluffy mosh pit, as all five contestants were slammed into by the raging, raving, psycho-bears.

  The Hob-Koala cackled from above as it began hurtling grenades into the pit with renewed vigour. Blood, viscera, guts and fur painted the ground in a deep crimson as the bombs descended, exploding on impact. A pink mist filled the battlefield as John ducked down behind a tree.

  “What did you do?” Joanna, shouted as she dived next to John who was attempting to use the palm tree as a shield.

  “I think I upset them,” he replied, leaning out from behind the foliage to fire off a few rounds which the Hob-Koala easily dodged. “I tried to say hello but my koala isn’t very good and I think I might have told one of them I slept with its mother,” he said, looking at Joanna with a blank expression. “What? It was an accident.”

  “You’re almost as insufferable as those idiot twins,” she replied, pointing in the direction of the screaming brunet men.

  Baz was running in circles like a headless chicken, arms raised above his head, screaming loud enough to be heard over the explosions.

  Meanwhile, his brother: James, was attempting to throw koalas at the Hob-Koala and missing spectacularly. At least he was trying to be useful.

  “What does your card do?” John asked, shouting to be heard over the noise.

  “Honestly, it’s pretty useless,” she said averting her eyes from his, “it lets me levitate small objects, but I have to touch them first. I thought about trying to fire the grenades back at the Hob-Koala, but they go off as soon as they hit the ground so there’s no time to touch them and activate my card.”

  John, looked into her eyes for a moment and she blushed slightly. There was something unsettling in her gaze. He shivered, but there wasn’t time to think on it. An idea was beginning to form in his mind, but first, he’d need to find Truffle.

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