I could not have imagined what I found inside there. It was a storage area, filled to bursting with every imaginable thing, ranging from food to live animals to a person from every country, chained to a wall next to each other so they could communicate about where they were from and where they pnned to go after they got released, which would obviously happen very soon. There were three empty chains on the wall, and I took note of that as I walked past them and past the cows and chickens and opened a door beled “To Burn.” I had to push the door open with my shoulder because it was stuck, apparently from not being used for an extremely long time. Every inch of the room, and it was a massive room, probably one thousand feet on each side, was taken up by boxes of books, motion pictures, tapes, audio books, paintings, and other assorted art pieces. I stepped through the dust and looked in awe at the world’s creations, id out in front of me and ready to be destroyed. On a whim, I grabbed a book from the nearest box to me, and after I brushed the dust off of the front cover, I found it to be Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen. I had never heard of it before, and when I flipped to the back cover, I found it to be a romance novel made a very long time ago, long before even my great-grandparents were born. I held onto it, not because I thought I was going to like it, but because someone out there would. Why I did not take another to fill my hands was a mystery to me, but I did not. I was only focused on reaching the top floor, which I did not know how to access. I assumed it would be by elevator, but after a minute of walking, I saw that there was no electricity being used in this building, the lights instead being mps and candles that wicked against the wind in a way that made shadows dance fervently and without care for what my reactions were to them. I grabbed at the air, making my way forwards and trying not to trip on any of the innumerable boxes of art that were covering the floor with only a small path through no doubt tread many a time, probably by those same intrepid explorers who made that immeasurably helpful path through the garbage. I managed not to fall, instead seeing every piece of art I had heard of, and many, many more I had never heard of before in my life. Dracu, Emma, Don Quixote, The Man From Earth, Welcome To The Jungle, Eye In The Sky, a drawing by Timmy, aged 5, everything had been captured and brought here. I knew that this was not every art piece, because I had seen many for sale in my city, but I had never seen any quite like this. I picked up a few more, and as I flipped through the pages and read the lyrics on the back of the album cover, I got a kind of shock to my system that I had never experienced before. I felt like the world was going to fall out from under me, and I fell to the ground, damaging the book I was holding slightly. I got up again and looked around in a strange kind of panic, one that I could not exactly describe because I had never felt it before. It was as if I was in possession of something I was most certainly not supposed to have, and if I took these items any further, I would likely be killed. I flipped through the pages of Dracu, as it seemed far more interesting to me than Sense and Sensibility, and I even thought about putting Sense and Sensibility down, but I decided against it at the st moment. As I read, I saw the vampire in my mind, and I saw Jonathan Harker fight against him. I put the book down long before I got to the end, because it was far too scary for me. I imagined the ending a thousand different ways at a thousand different times, and none of them seemed to mesh with what I had imagined at any point in the past. I began to look around me in terror, not because I was scared of the books themselves but because I was scared of what I had been missing for my entire life. I was going through a crisis of faith, and I had almost forgotten why I had originally come into this building when I heard a cry of “Hey!” from somewhere in front of me. I looked up and saw three people, covered in soot and dust, each pointing a gun at me from across the long hallway. I raised my hands in the air, and the people all jumped to the ground, not even bothering to fire their weapons. I decided that it was no longer worth the risk of reying the information to the demolition crew above me, so I turned tail and ran back through the hallway. The people behind me rose up and started shooting, but they were absolutely terrible shots and missed every time they squeezed the trigger. I grabbed at the air and the boxes, trying to escape. The attackers ran out of bullets at some point, and after throwing their guns at me, they ran back through the hallway and disappeared through some invisible door. I could not have asked for better timing, as I ran out into the daylight again, past the chained up people and through the door, and as I was looking around in a panic, I saw Will, Audrey, and Sarah all standing by the building 11219. I quickly crossed the street and ran into Sarah’s arms.
“I thought I had lost you. Oh my God, I thought I had lost you.”
There was nothing else to say, and we both hugged each other and promised that we would never be as foolish as we had been before. Will and Audrey watched us, and I eventually turned to Audrey and asked the question I had been practicing ever since they had left.
“Where did you two go?”
“Oh, I knew you would say that. We got thoroughly lost in the forest, and then we got lost in the city after that. We never intended to leave you, I promise you. I promise. You believe me, don’t you?”
“Yes. I believe you. Of course I believe you.”
“Good. I’m so happy to hear that. I hope you weren’t sad that we were gone.”
“No! I was worried for you.”
Audrey and Sarah both looked at me with a mutual expression of unbelieving, and I tried to hide my face from them.
“I really was worried for you…”
“Okay. I understand.”
After Audrey said that, she embraced me and squeezed me as tight as she could. I could tell that she had missed me just as much as I had missed her. We all looked at each other, and we mutually and silently decided to get through the city and get out. I took the lead, still brandishing Dracu. I had given Sense and Sensibility to Sarah, who loved romance novels and was trying to get into older things in general, so this was perfect for her. As our group hurried through the streets, I started to guide the three less experienced travelers through the mountains of muck and showed them how to not fall on their face in the disgusting paste that coated this strange pce. I ughed with them, the incident with the gun basically forgotten, at least until I saw the first person colpse. They were wearing a suit, probably one of those very dignified members of that society, and as they looked at us coming towards them, they grabbed at their head and colpsed ft on the ground. They did not hold up their phone as they fell, or even tie the garbage bag over their head, and I assumed that they had died randomly, probably of a heart attack or aneurysm. It was only after the second person died in front of us that I thought anything was wrong. I did not try to help, and it was good that I didn’t because a person fell out of the top floor of the building we were passing by and nded directly on top of the corpse. I looked up and saw people colpsing and falling all the way out of buildings, especially the ones closest to us. Across the street, I watched as men and women fell to the ground and cracked their heads on the concrete. I tried to step away from the scene, but I found that there was nowhere to go, and so I just ran onwards, the group following me. As we rounded the corner, we found ourselves in a town square that had a rge number of people demonstrating for the cause they personally believed in. I saw that on both sides there were people who looked like lizards running in between the crowds and taking money out of their pockets and keeping it for themselves. As we grew closer, everyone turned and looked at us, and then the demonstrators started seizing and one by one falling on the ground. I imagined that I was cursed and I was disgusting, and because I had turned into a thing with three heads, people were dying because I was near them. I turned back to my friends, and they all shook their heads. They knew what I was thinking, and they knew how untrue it was. I had to pull myself away from them so I didn’t get captured by my own brain, and I saw that the only people who were left alive were the money grabbers, and they looked up at us and gave us a thumbs up, as if to say, “Thanks for making it easy for us. Like taking candy from a mush-brained adult.”
My friends and I moved through the field of bodies as new bodies fell from the buildings all around us. I started to hurry up, although there was no point because the end of the city was nowhere to be seen. Instead, there was a path that terminated with fog and mist, and I decided that we would py a little game. Me and my friends would all run as fast as we could towards the mist, and whoever got there first would win an arbitrary prize that did not exist. I did not know how far it was, I just knew that we needed to leave and turning the task into a game would make it easier to understand. I started running, and my friends followed. Will was the fastest, and that was obvious, but what was surprising was that Audrey was actually faster than me, and I followed in front of Sarah. It was a fun start to a race, because we no longer cared about slipping and we simply ran and watched as people fell dead all around us. I knew that my friends were not having as much fun as I was because they didn’t understand how fun it was to have control over the world, and that was okay. They didn’t need to understand. As long as someone understood, as long as someone carried the fire, it was okay that no one else did. I imagined that I would need to teach the fire to someone, probably Sarah or Audrey, and eventually they would understand because someone has to. When I became old, I would still carry the fire, because that’s how humans work. People don’t just give up their old passions once they age, but of course I couldn’t know that for sure. Maybe once I hit the age of 50 I would become a nothing and beg the young children to do what I had once done. Maybe not. I had only been told that I would lose the fire by people who were at that age, but it seemed to me like they never had the fire in the first pce and were covering it up by saying that no one had the fire when they reached a certain arbitrary amount of Sun cycles, and they surely had it at some point in the past, and of course I had it now and good on me for doing so, but there’s no point in trying because one day my brain chemistry would forever change and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.
We ran. I was ahead of Will now, as he had fallen behind me and Audrey. He had the propensity to run as fast and hard as he physically could for a short period of time and then fall behind the slower but more consistent people as they continued to keep their energy up. I still had Dracu in my hands, and I was keeping a tight grasp on it because it was extremely important to me. Why it was so important I did not know, but something about the physical object demanded that I keep it on my person for as long as possible. I occasionally looked back at Sarah to make sure that she still had Sense and Sensibility in her hands, and she always did. I was happy for her, because I knew that she would enjoy it and I could sometimes read her emotions without having to ask her what they were. I could tell that she was happy to have this physical object, and if she had any moments to sit down and read the words contained within, she would doubtless finish it in days. I felt bad I didn’t have the space to get something for my two other friends, and I decided I would apologize to Audrey for my mistake.
“Audrey?”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry for not getting you a book. I wish I had done better for you and Will.”
“Oh, it’s okay! You didn’t do anything wrong. If I had really and truly wanted one, I would have asked for you to go back. I’m sure Will would have as well.”
Will tapped me on the shoulder, and when I turned, he signed the words, “It’s okay, I promise.” I smiled at him, and I signed back, “I just wish I had done something for you. I wish I had done something for everyone.”
“Look at how happy Sarah is. That’s enough for me.”
“Do you think it’s possible to do something for everyone, Audrey?”
“Hm?”
“Do you think it’s possible to make everyone happy, even in some small way?”
Audrey fell silent for a moment. Sarah had passed Will, and she was showing me a few passages in her book that she particurly enjoyed, and I smiled and agreed with her that they were very good, but I didn’t really think that they were that good. I thought they were just okay.
“Audrey?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you think of an answer?”
“Yes. I don’t think it’s possible. I think certain people can’t be helped. I think there are people so far gone that they can’t actually be happy, no matter what.”
“Do you think I’m like that?”
“No. Absolutely not. You can, and have been, helped. Hell, look at how happy you are
seeing Sarah happy. You’re someone who doesn’t come around often. Someone who derives their happiness from making other people happy.”
I almost stopped running, but I kept going based only on instinct. I felt myself about to cry, not because I was sad, but because I was happy. Audrey looked back at me and smiled, and I knew she could tell I was about to cry. She blew me a kiss and then turned away. I saw that we were far closer to the nd of mist than I had previously thought, and I thought that we were actually too close for the amount of time we had been running. I voiced these concerns to Audrey, and she said, “No, I don’t think so. I’ve been keeping track, and I haven’t noticed any jumps in space.”
“Would you have noticed any jumps in space if there were any?”
“I hope so.”
“I would think I would be the one to notice that sort of thing.”
“Well…”
“Yeah, I know. I get it.”
“Sorry. Sometimes I can be a little matter of fact.”
“It’s okay. I need that in my life. You know why.”
“Yeah. I do know why. You know something?”
“What?”
“I wonder how you handle it. You’re very brave to handle all these things as well as you do.”
“I’ve never held a sword.”
“You don’t need to hold a sword to be brave. You face terrifying things every day, and you come out completely unscathed.”
“I wouldn’t say completely.”
“Well, if you do have scars, you don’t show them.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“I think it is. The world needs people like you, mad people who can give their minds to helping others.”
“You really think that?”
“Yes! The world needs to listen to madmen and madwomen.”
“I don’t know how many people would ever agree with that.”
“Well, you’re not going away any time soon, so eventually they’ll have to deal with it.”
“I can’t change the world.”
“You already have.”
“How?”
“Tell Will and Sarah to stop running.”
I turned around and told them to stop. They promptly did, and Audrey pointed all around us, her eyes eventually nding back on me.
“You know why they’re all dead, right?”
“Because they saw me.”
“No, no, not at all. Not in the slightest. I think you know why, and you’ve convinced yourself of the absolute opposite.”
“I really truly don’t know why.”
“Honest?”
“Honest.”Audrey then pced her hand on the shoulder of the arm that was holding Dracu, and then she whispered, “I think you know exactly why. I think we’re thinking the same thing.”
“I don’t think that’s the reason. I don’t think that’s even possible.”
“Who are you to say what’s possible?”
“My mind bends reality as I know it. I think I know exactly what’s possible and what isn’t.”
Audrey pulled away from me and smiled.
“Touche. You’re a smart woman.”
“Let’s keep going. I want to see what comes next.”
“And continue to kill them?”
“Maybe, if it happens that they cross our path.”
So we continued. The pce of mist got ever closer, and I figured that Audrey was right. I figured that there weren’t any jumps in time or space, and we had just made good progress. I smiled at that. I thought that we had done something, and done something right. For the first time in my life, I had made a real change. I was happy about it, and then I wondered why I was so happy. After all, my happiness was built on the backs of a thousand dead people. I tried to figure out a reason why I was not a sadist, and I could not come up with one. I became worried that I had killed all these people so I could feel like I was doing the right thing while secretly doing it only for my pleasure. Was Audrey in on it as well? It seemed like she would have been, except that I could not have imagined her harming anyone, let alone thousands of people like I had. I tried to think of any justification that would expin away my actions, and when nothing came to mind, I started crying. Audrey heard me, and she turned around and held me as I wept.
“Why are you crying? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t understand why I did it. I don’t understand why I hurt all those people.”
“It wasn’t you. Remember that. And besides, good things hurt bad people. You know that, don't you?”
“Yeah, I guess. But…why did I have to be the one to do it?”
“Because you’re a good person. It’s not that you actively wanted to hurt people, it’s not like you’re a psychopath or a sadist or anything, you were just the vessel for these things happening to others.”
“I don’t understand. I’ve never heard you talk like this before.”
Behind me, Sarah coughed to get my attention.
“She’s right, you know. Desperate times call for extreme measures.”
“What about this pce is so desperate that it would call for murder?”
Sarah stomped her foot into the liquid coating, causing a spsh that dotted me with the slimy fluid.
“You see this? These people down here are suffering while the people up there are happy as can be because they don’t have to worry about the problems that they made! You are making a difference, changing the world, right now!”
I paused. They were right, but…there was no but. Not this time.
“Let’s keep going.”
Audrey and Sarah smiled.
“Good on you. I knew you’d be kind to yourself one day.”
We started to walk to give ourselves time to catch our breath, and I decided to keep talking, because if I did not, there would be problems that I had no hope of solving.
“Audrey, you know something?”
“What?”
“This isn’t going to change anything about my brain. Tomorrow, I’ll go right back to hating myself and ruining my own life.”
“Well, what are you saying?”
“I don’t understand why you try. I don’t understand why you make such an effort every day to save my brain from the pits of despair when it’ll go right back the next day.”
“Because I like you. We all do. We all want to see you succeed, even in spite of your various problems, and we want to stop those from hurting you so badly.”
From behind the three of us, Will spoke up, surprising me greatly.
“She’s right, you know. You’re the most troubled person I’ve ever met, and that’s why I want to help you. I don’t hate you because of your problems, I want to help you because of them.”
Will then went silent, and I knew he would not start talking again until he had something extremely important to say.
“You see now, right?”
“Yes, Audrey, yes I do.”
“Will you see for the remainder of today?”
“I can’t promise that. I can’t really promise anything.”
“I understand. I just want you to be happy.”
I did not respond. How could I? All around me the shadows swarmed, telling me that I was being duped and that these were all lies, and they were only staying with me because they were scared of me. The more conspiratorially minded of them said that actually, none of these people were real and I only had the shadows to look forward to once the illusion fell away. I said, “Well, it’s a bit strange to refer to yourself in the third person.” and then the shadows got very angry and gutted me like a fish, leaving my body out to dry and be eaten ter.
Our group carried on, and we were now running. Will had since regained his first pce position, but I knew that he would soon run out of energy and I would overtake him. Sarah was in the back, but Audrey was right on my heels. We exchanged quick looks about every two minutes, and once she blew me a kiss, the next she gave me the middle finger, and the next she pretended to be a zombie by rolling her eyes into the back of her head and growling. Her goal was to get me to ugh, but the way she, and anyone, rolled her eyes really scared me, and I was forced to look away from her. I think she saw by my body nguage that I was terrified, and she started apologizing extremely quickly and with a tone that seemed to indicate that she had really, really messed up.
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry! I completely forgot you can’t handle that! I- I don’t know what to say. Uh, shit.”
“It’s okay, Audrey. I promise. We’re almost at the pce of mist. We should focus on that for a little bit.”
“Oh. Okay, I guess.”
Audrey turned away from me, and I thought I saw her start to cry. I wanted to comfort her, but I felt Will tap me on the shoulder, and so I turned around, and I was immediately shocked. There were figures moving within the mist, and I saw their houses gleaming in the distance.
“You see them too, right, Will?”
“Yes.”
“What are we going to do?”
“We proceed.”
“What if they try to hurt us?”
Will did not respond, and instead pulled a six inch butcher's knife out of his pocket. It glistened in the light, and I moved my head and eyebrow in a way that meant, “Well, that makes sense.” We continued very slowly, the books still in our quaking hands, and we soon entered the pce of mist.
