*In a pin white room, with two chairs, and a computer on wheels, sat the doctor and Jack. *

  Dr. Farrington: Good morning, Jack, I’m Doctor Farrington. You prefer to be called Jack?

  Jack: Yes sir, I do.

  Dr. Farrington: Okay, good. I took a quick look at your chart, but I prefer to hear why you think you’re here. So, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself.

  *Jack expins the situation which brought him into the psych ward. *

  Dr. Farrington: Interesting, so you’re attracted to machines. Are you unable to control your urges?

  Jack: Well, yes, and no, I guess. I feel the urge all the time. Right now, per say, I am fighting this terrible urge to rub my balls all over that keyboard you’re typing on and to flop my dick on...

  Dr. Farrington: Okay, okay I get your point… please don’t do that, I just started my morning. I’d like to enjoy some coffee and not have to worry about your bodily fluids all over my work station. Anyway, what sort of medications have you tried before.

  *Dr. Farrington sips on his coffee as Jack continues.

  Jack: Well, I’ve tried a lot, really. Risperidone, Geodon, Haldol, Thorazine, Abilify, Lamotrigine, some anti-depressants as well. One of my pills looked like a Viagra, which I have plenty of that at the pad. I once mistakenly took Viagra before work one day instead of my anti-psychotic, needless to say that got me fired. I started trying to have sex with the crane, you see I work mostly construction, digging holes and such, they usually give me the safer jobs away from any of the machinery. I sometimes jerk off in the outhouses peeking out at those sexy tractors and stuff, oh it really gets me going. Anyway, the crane operator was pissed, you see operating a crane is very dangerous and requires immense concentration, at least I’ve been told. I’m not really supposed to go near them.

  Dr. Farrington: Okay, I get it. I think I would like to try you on some Naltrexone, it’s sort of an impulse control medication. I see you’ve had some issues with drugs in your past as well, so it should help some with that too.

  Jack: I don’t need drugs anymore sir, the euphoria I get from having sex with a new machine is 10x better than any other drug I’ve ever had.

  Dr. Farrington: Interesting, so you get high off of this?

  Jack: Yup, sure do.

  Dr. Farrington: Okay, this is really out of the box here but I have an idea. It may help us understand what’s going on better, and I’m not even sure if the CMO will be okay with it, but I’d like to get your thoughts on it before I push to test something like this.

  Jack: Okay… What is it, Doc?

  Dr. Farrington: We have you do your thing with a machine of your choosing, something around here that really catches your attention. As soon as you’re finished, we draw your blood. We’ll be able see exactly which chemicals are being released to cause this Euphoria. I’d guess high amounts of Dopamine and Serotonin are being released into your blood other chemicals as well, we won’t really know until we test it. This could really have terrible consequences if that’s the case. Your receptors could become fried over time, causing you to have some pretty severe psych conditions, mainly severe depression, but possibly some psychosis. If we’re able to get it under control. We may be able to keep that from happening. I do pn to start Naltrexone and some Seroquel, but I’d like you to be fully off any medication or drugs for a couple of days before we test this. Let me speak with the Chief Medical Officer and get approval for this. It will probably take a couple of days, with paperwork and such, but I will keep you updated. Are you doing okay at this time?

  Jack: Oh yeah Doc, I’m doing just fine. I really actually kind of like it here. The staff are really friendly and the other blokes I’m in here with make me feel… I honestly don’t know how to expin what I feel, less alone maybe.

  *Jack begins to tear up, and sits in silence for a minute, the doctor gives him a moment*

  Dr. Farrington: I see, that’s a good thing then. Maybe you all can be there for each other while you’re here.

  Jack: Yeah, that sounds nice.

  Dr. Farrington: Well, that’s the pn for now. Just do the best you can, try and keep your urges under control. Make sure you attend all the groups, and try to engage with the others in the day room. I really don’t want you isoting alone in your room. That would not be good for you, okay?

  Jack: Yeah, that sounds good Doc, I’ll see ya around.

  *Jack gets up out of his chair and leaves the room. *

  *Scene fades to Steve in the room with Dr. Farrington*

  Dr. Farrington: Good morning, Steve how are you?

  Steve: I’m doing okay.

  Dr. Farrington: I’d like you to tell me about yourself, mainly your issues, what do you believe is going on?

  Steve: Well, I have this constant nagging anxiety which often times turns into panic. It doesn’t help that I have these stomach issues too. I fart all the time, but I can’t stand other people’s farts, it’s like a huge trigger for me. I understand the hypocrisy of it all but… um, the st time I smelled someone else’s fart, it didn’t end well.

  Dr. Farrington: Okay, tell me what happened.

  Steve: Um… I was over at a good friend’s house, well… he used to be a friend at least. We were, just messing around, pying video games, eating junk food, watching movies, you know… While we were watching the movie, Jason was his name, he put his butt right in my face and farted… I get it was just him joking around, and I’m not even mad about it. But I bcked out. I don’t remember any of it. I can only tell you what they told me I did. They told me I ran around farting and shitting on everyone’s stuff. They said I ripped off all my clothes, jumped on tables and countertops, howling like I was wolf. They said I ran around the house bobbing my head like a chicken or a rooster screaming COCKADOODLE DOO! Farting on all the furniture. At one point I became a cow I guess, taking giant dumps, the biggest they’d ever seen, mooing while doing it. I guess I ate way too much junk food. I even went in his old grannie’s room and shit on her pillow… Do you believe that… She has real bad dementia. I guess it wouldn’t have been so bad, just some clean up, but his poor granny went and id down in it. Didn’t even know, or care that it was there. When I came too, they were all standing there pointing at poor Granny Eva, completely covered in my feces. It was kind of traumatic for all involved. I did some counseling, and I’ve tried some medications, but things are getting worse. I’ve even started having hallucinations, vivid hallucinations. Almost like I’m transported to another dimension, the biggest joke of it all, is my own farts seem to be the trigger, not to mention, when my anxiety is so high I can’t breathe the only thing that keeps me grounded is those same farts that cause me to warp reality. I’m a living breathing double edged sword.

  Dr. Farrington Whispers: Holy… Wow, this group is incredible

  Steve: What was that?

  Dr. Farrington: Oh, nothing, sorry about that. Just your story is so interesting. I’ve honestly never heard of something like this. We may need to run some extra tests. There’s one in particur that comes to mind. It’s called an EEG, it basically monitors your brain waves, I’d like to test what you believe to be your triggers. Smelling your own farts, someone else’s and no smell at all, possibly have you wear a gas mask. I’ll have to run this all by the CMO first, before we go any further, but it may help us understand you better. We will also do what’s known as brain mapping, where we take a bunch of different images of your brain. Once we have all that, we can make a diagnosis and come up with the best possible treatment pn for you. Is that all sound okay with you?

  Steve: Yah, I think so… When will we do all this.

  Dr. Farrington: In a few days probably. Insurance will be the tricky part here, they’re not too keen on paying for expensive testing, so we’ll have to get prior approval. I’ll also have to get it approved here, but that’s much easier… I have my ways.

  Steve: Okay.

  Dr. Farrington: Good, so I’ll get to work on that. In the meantime, just attend all the groups, and absolutely no isoting in your room. The days you refuse to attend treatment could only lengthen your stay. Please, let me know if you need anything. We will talk briefly every morning and discuss progress. When it comes closer to discharge, we will also start discussing discharge pns. Have a good day now.

  Steve: I will, you too, bye.

  *Steve stands up to leave the room. As he’s leaving, he gets an odd feeling. The doctor’s mood seemed to have shifted. He seems very excited now. Steve shakes it off, maybe he just really enjoys his job. Maybe my condition is intriguing, he had said this was a first time seeing this. Steve goes about his day, making sure to stay out of his room as much as possible*

  *Scene fades to Henry in the office with Dr. Farrington*

  Dr. Farrington: Hello Henry.

  Henry: Hello.

  Dr. Farrington: I’m Doctor Farrington, I’ll be over seeing your stay here.

  Henry: Okay, sounds good.

  Dr. Farrington: Why don’t you tell me a little about what brought you in here.

  Henry: Um, okay. A tall white guy with slicked back hair, a goatee, green scrubs and white tennis shoes asked me to follow him and then let me in here.

  Dr. Farrington: That’s not what I meant Henry, I meant why did you end up here in the psych ward.

  Henry: Hmm, well my parents and my friends, well I should say their friends, because they’re my parents’ friends, not mine. You see… I don’t have friends; people usually just make fun of me… Well, I’ve been told they were making fun of me, but I couldn’t tell. I thought we were just talking. Anyway, my parents drove me here in their van. That’s why I’m here. Because… they… drove

  Dr. Farrington: Okay, okay I get it Henry, they drove you here. Do you have any problems in your everyday life, like your job, or school… anything?

  *Dr. Farrington seems on edge; he’s getting frustrated by Henry’s ck of ability to understand his questioning. Henry seems to be Dr. Farrington’s Kryptonite. *

  Henry: Well, not really. I live with my parents. I don’t work because if I made any money, I would never see any of it.

  Dr. Farrington: What? Why wouldn’t you see any of the money?

  Henry: Well, I owe a lot of backed child support, so most if not all of it would just go to them. I’d be working for pennies. I’ve seen the guys that say that you know… working for pennies huh, yeah, they don’t ever seem happy. So, I just decided against working.

  Dr. Farrington: You have kids, how?

  Henry: Um, I had sex, I guess… I usually don’t do anything I just y there, let em do whatever they want, sit on may face, pee on me, none of it bothers me, they seem to like that I’m so quiet, so I stay quiet.

  Dr. Farrington: Jesus, okay man, this is sort of making sense now. How many kids do you have.

  Henry: 8

  Dr. Farrington: Mother of God, how?

  Henry: I had sex with 8 women

  Dr. Farrington: 8! How, why would 8 women sleep with you more than once.

  Henry: Oh, it wasn’t more than once, I’ve had sex 8 times my entire life.

  *Dr. Farrington is completely shocked at this point. He seems unsure of whether to take this man’s story seriously or not. *

  Dr. Farrington: Why didn’t you get a vasectomy?

  Henry: Oh, I did. I’ve had 7 of those.

  *Scene fades to little sperms building a bridge, and then reconnecting the vas deferens, then cheering, then having a little party until early morning, and then being passed out on the ground*

  Dr. Farrington: 7 Vasectomies? I know you’re messing with me now; I call bullshit. Why don’t you be serious and tell me why you’re really here. I can keep you here as long as I need to, the quicker you tell me what’s going on the quicker you can get out of here.

  Henry: No, I’m serious. You can call Dr. Habib; he’s done all 7 of them. He’s also put me on some potent medications, they even tried chemical castration.

  *Scene fades to sperm fighting off chemical blobs, one sperm flies a pne made out of red blood cells, while shooting white blood cell projectiles at the chemical blobs. *

  Henry: Nothing has seemed to work, Dr. Habib said he thinks my sperm is super human. I even wore a condom for all 8 of the women, and some of them were on birth control or had an IUD. Nothing has helped, I guess.

  Dr. Farrington: Okay, if you’re not messing with me this is quite interesting... I’ll need to confirm this though. Will you sign a release of information so we can get the info from Dr. Habib.

  Henry: Yeah, sure. No problem.

  Dr. Farrington: Also, are you sure they’re all your kids? That these women aren’t just duping you because you’re an idiot?

  Henry: No, they’re mine.

  Dr. Farrington: But how do you know?

  Henry: I have pictures they look just like me, but you guys took all my belongings, but you can check my wallet if you want, I always keep their pictures with me.

  *Dr. Farrington seems deep in thought. *

  Dr. Farrington: Okay, good. I will confirm this story of yours, if it’s bullshit, I swear I will keep you here until you’ve made progress, and you can’t make any if we don’t know what the problem is, understand.

  Henry: Yes sir, no worries though it’s true. I’m honestly unable to lie, I ck the capacity to make things up, at least I’ve been told. When I was in school, they always wanted me to write a story or draw something from my imagination, but I never could.

  Dr. Farrington: Okay, we’ll see. Just attend the groups okay, bye now.

  Henry: Okay, no problem. See ya.

  *Dr. Farrington seem a little on edge*

  Dr. Farrington: This fucking guy, I don’t understand it. He can hold a normal conversation, but he’s fucking dumber than most the mentally challenged people that come through here. Hahahaha, I know what to do, we will run an IQ test, and then a behavioral analysis, that should give us a good idea of what we’re dealing with. I can’t let that fucking idiot get to me.

  *Dr. Farrington pulls out a small vial of powder and dabs some on his finger and then snorts it off his finger. Pcing the cap back on and shaking his head, then cracking his neck. He takes a sip of his coffee. There’s a knock at the door. *

  Dr. Farrington: Come in!

  *Eric enters the room*

  Dr. Farrington: Hello Eric, I’ve been expecting you.

  *Eric appears nervous now*

  Eric: Que, Maldita sea, lo esta hacienda de nuevo (What, damnit it’s doing it again!)

  Dr. Farrington: Oh, you speak Spanish. Me dijeron que estabas aqui, por nuestros conocidos mutuos (I was told you were here, from our mutual acquaintances).

  *Eric stands by his seat frozen in disbelief*

  Dr. Farrington: No te preocupes Eric, no trabajo para ellos. Al parecer, simplemente estaban interesados en ti. (Don’t worry Eric, I don’t work for them. They’ve just happened to have interest in you apparently).

  Eric: Karera wa watashi ni nani o nozonde imasu ka. (what do they want from me?

  Dr. Farrington: Oooh this is fun, Japanese now huh? Karera wa watashi ni nani mo iwanakatta, tada watashi ni anata o mimamotte hoshikatta dakena nodesu. ( They didn’t tell me, they just wanted me to keep an eye on you.

  Eric: Hashirimasu (I’ll run)

  Dr. Farrington: Tameshite miru koto mo dekimasuga, yameta hō ga ī to omoimasu. Karera wa, moshi watashitachi ga shitagawanakereba, sono kekka ga kiniiranaidarou to iimashita. (You could try, but I’d advise against it. They said we won’t like the consequence if we disobey).

  Eric: Nun, fick dich und fick sie auch, ich wil nichts mit diesen Spielchen zu tun haben. (Well fuck you, and fuck them too, I don’t want any part of these games)

  Dr. Farrington: Well, I’m sorry I don’t speak German. I did catch the part where you said fuck you. Maybe we should start over. I really do want to help you. Obviously, my hands are tied, they are an extremely powerful group, you understand. You appear to be aware that they’ve been following you. It seems, hiding doesn’t really help you. They know your every move. If they wanted to kill you, you’d be dead trust me. You must be a very important person to them. Do you know who your family is, by chance are you some sort of royalty?

  Eric: YA ne znayu svoyego ottsa ili svoyu sem’yu ( I don’t know my father or my family)

  Dr. Farrington: I believe you said you don’t know your family, my Russian is quite weak, not my favorite nguage. Okay then tell me some of your background, where do you come from.

  Eric: I was raised in a rebel camp, a group known as the Ambazonian separatists, I was never allowed to leave and they always kept me hidden. They taught me how to sneak, hunt, fight, kill… you name it. I was considered one of their greatest warriors. When I was 12 they had me assassinate men, important men, I didn’t know who they were, I was just told to do it and I did. I escaped that life, by chance. You see our group was attacked one night, and most of the men at that camp were annihited. I still remember the screams, the visions of horror, body parts blown all about, men filled with bullet holes, or knives in their chests. They did not go down without a fight, but I knew it was futile, I knew if I had fought, I would die. So, I became a bush, covered in mud and twigs I snuck out of the camp, when I got far enough away, I ran, as far as I could and never looked back. I ran for days weeks maybe, as a bush. I didn’t bother to eat, just reattaching mud, twigs, leaves whatever I could find. At some point I think I lost sense of myself. I think I actually thought I was a bush, it’s all a blur. By the time I passed out from exhaustion, I was in a vilge, far from Cameroon. It took me days to regain my sanity, by then I was still digging twigs out of my ass and scrubbing mud off my skin, but I was safe. I will never forget the kindness that vilge showed me, but I could not stay long. From there I left on my journey, always learning, growing. From that experience I’ve learned that violence is not a necessity for survival. There are better means to achieve that goal, and my number 1 priority has always been survival. When I do visit Cameroon with my new identity, people often talk about the running bush man, or the bush that ran through all of Cameroon and they ugh and ugh, but that story only brings sadness to my heart.

  Dr. Farrington: Well well well, what an astounding story Eric. You could probably kill me right now couldn’t you.

  Eric: Potrei si, ma non lo faro ( I could Yes, but I won’t)

  Dr. Farrington: Good, well let’s keep it that way. I don’t think medication or therapy will help you Eric. Maybe use this time here to think about your future. They told me to pass on a message they think you’d understand. Die skat wat jy soek, sal gevind word wanneer jy rondkyk en jou voorvaders se bloed sien. (The treasure you seek will be found, when you look around and see your ancestors’ blood.)

  Eric: See my ancestors’ blood?

  *Eric seems more composed, like something within him has awakened, he feels as though he has gained some control over his panic and paranoia. Some still lingers, but he feels purpose now, compelling him to move forward*

  Dr. Farrington: So, you do know what they’re talking about.

  Eric: It’s just a guess, but there is an old story the rebels would tell me, they told me so many times I could never forget. I was so young; I didn’t think of it as anything other than a story. It is a prophecy they would say, a prophecy that has yet come to pass.

  Dr. Farrington: What did it say.

  Eric: Well, I can only transte roughly, it is an old tribal nguage that I do not use anymore, unless by accident. It said something along the lines of a son, born from power of two, will be taken and raised by those of the nd. He will become one with the earth through means of trial and tribution. His journey will stretch far and wide, and his mind will grow beyond measure. If he is successful in his quest, he will bring peace and prosperity to those who seek it, and death and destruction to those who deny it. He is the one true king.

  Dr. Farrington: Well holy shit, these people think you’re the one true king, that’s…that’s incredible man. I mean who knows if it’s true right, but still these people are powerful. I can’t help but let my mind run wild. Stay here for a while, think on it. This is probably the safest pce for you right now anyway. These people don’t seem to want to hurt you, maybe they just want to watch over you. I’m sure there are people out there that would want you dead though, maybe these guys are like guardian angels or some shit haha. Wow, just incredible.

  Eric: Well, what should I do here?

  Dr. Farrington: I don’t know, make friends with these guys. At the very least you’ll be entertained. This is honestly the most insane group I’ve ever seen, such interesting issues they all have. You too, but for good reason it seems. That whole switching nguages thing is a trip, I can speak a few nguages fluently and understand a few others, but 9, that’s a feat, and yes, I know all about you. I’ve read every file I could on you. Only because these guys threatened me. They said nothing better happen to you or else. So, rest easy man your safe, at least here you are. Anyway, we’re out of time here for today, please just attend groups and act like nothing is going on, it’s for the best… for both of us.

  *Eric leaves the room, Dr. Farrington appears a little stressed, he pulls his vial from inside his white coat. This time pcing two dabs on his finger and sniffing it softly off his finger. He exhales deeply, grabs his coffee and finishes what’s left in a big gulp. He stretches his arms over his head and shakes them off, grabbing his chin with one hand and the top of his head with the other, he cracks his neck both ways, making a loud cracking noise. He takes another deep breath, exhales and readies himself for his st patient on the unit. *

  *Jean, enters the room*

  Dr. Farrington: Jean, I presume

  Jean: Yes doctor

  Dr. Farrington: I’ve already been made aware of your issues from Judge Harmon, a good friend of mine. So, you better take this seriously. I don’t really have the patience Gary does, excuse me Judge Harmon. After reading your chart, I’m fairly certain how this conversation would go if I asked you to tell me what’s wrong, so I took the liberty to just go ahead and assist you with becoming more self-aware. I am providing you with some reading material, I have it beled in which order you are to read them. They will expin in detail about what you could possibly be suffering from. Once you have a good understanding of the possibilities you are to come here and tell me what you think might be going on, with reasoning. Have a good long look at yourself in the mirror.

  Jean: But

  Dr. Farrington: Not a word Jean, you’re here with a get out of jail free card and I’m not in the mood to be fucked with right now. So, once you’ve done that, you will come back here tomorrow and we will talk then. If, and I swear on my mother’s grave, if you come back here spouting that fucking nonsense that there’s nothing wrong with you, I will have the police come and pick you up. Now get out of my office.

  *Jean gets up to leave*

  Also, if you compin about me to anyone, that includes the other patients. I won’t hesitate to have police come get you, and I will file a charge of defamation, with my good friend Gary as the judge, it’s really no question of who they’ll believe. Now get the fuck out, and get to reading.

  *Jean storms out of the room with the reading material in hand, as he enters his room he chucks the reading material against the wall, and ys in his bed. Jean feels completely defeated, and begins to sob into his pillow*