PART THREE m - Therapy

  We went back in, and she was still stirring. He touched her shoulders and she smiled and leaned back into him, body nguage telling him it was fine and it was appreciated. The skillet they used for her to brown the meat? Was in the sink, rinsed out and sitting in hot water. A milestone of previously unreachable proportions in this house. I felt my heart skip a beat. Tiny spatters from browning meat? Were wiped off, and there was a wet rag nearby. I'm not worthy.

  He sniffed over her shoulder, and went to dip a finger in to taste test the simmering basic chili. Her smile never went away, as I heard her hand smack his smartly and he retracted it.

  "Wash your hands. Or…"

  She got a spoon, and blew on it. Then corkscrewed it around like a mom doing the choo-choo train into a toddler's mouth. She ughed when he opened up at the silly gesture. She was all smiles when he told her it was great, and they could eat anytime she was ready to sample the fruits of her bor.

  "Lunchtime, then?"

  We told her sure, that was great. She got bowls out and divided it up into three big bowls. She pointed her fingers around, and got cold cans to drink out, silverware. Then started and jumped and buttered some bread. She positively beamed. I suddenly noticed her clothes she had changed into after shower, tub and rubdowns were over. What looked like her least provocative pair of jeans she had at her disposal if I had to guess and I did. An awfully regur looking T shirt. Simple ponytail, although that's a mainstay of a good number of the female athletes not only on our team, but others as well across the university athletic program.

  Some girls tried to go all out in the off season. Most didn't. Light was usually doing something with her hair, though. Some hot iron curling, a few clips or whatnot. No. If I had to guess, she was trying to imitate my style as much as possible.

  "So. How to turn the dial on the microwave, was your only cooking lessons, huh?"

  "Yeah. Oh, mom had stuff to say about cooking, but… pretty much the complete opposite of you. No offense. I mean, you hear it all on TV, so mom wasn't alone in it."

  I took the bait.

  "Like what?"

  "Oh. You'll see a dy on some TV show. Bragging how… I wasn't hired for my ability to cook. Or… saying how cooking? Is something only ugly girls have to know how to do. Then, you hear the canned ughter. Its supposed to be funny. Mom had some of her own I don't hear. If you spend your money on the right clothes? Boys will pay for breakfast, lunch and dinner. If god intended women to cook, then why did he invent restaurants and takeout. There was really no end to her… wisdom."

  She sat there, chin in her hand, drumming her fingers on the table.

  "Mom had a sort of a three date rule too, Hurry. But trust me here, it wasn't like yours. Believe me."

  "This ought to be good for a ugh."

  "Eh. Spread the boy out. He's got a car, he's got a few bucks. He wants to date a little. First date? Give him a hand, so you make sure you get a second date. I think we can all figure out mom's little pun there, right?"

  She wiggled her hand to emphasize.

  "Second date? Blow him a kiss. Again, I don't think there's any mystery there."

  "Third date, well. Each date should be getting a little better, so… by the third date. What's left. Or, as she put it. First base? Is for getting asked out on dates. Then, it should be double, triple, homer. About the extent of mom's sports advice, really."

  He couldn't help it.

  "Since we're using baseball phraseology here. First base was any boy you meet and like. Then, the three dates are double, triple, homer. She didn't have a rule on… the grand sm?"

  "What's… oh, gotcha. Mom said boys like that, but… that's only for really good dates, that have a good track record. You don't just do that. You gotta be going nice pces, getting presents, guy's showing you he really likes you. Mom said, once he gets every st thing, what you got left to offer? So… stretch them out."

  "Light? I don't think I've heard a single piece of advice your mom ever gave, I'm inclined to follow."

  "Probably not. Looking back, where I am now? Pretty much whatever she says, you do the opposite, you won't go far wrong. How was I supposed to know. I mean, there's dies on TV shows that say things like her, and everyone ughs at every clever thing they say. Thought mom was kind of… what? Worldly, I guess you'd say. I mean, as a kid, mom just knew stuff. Its your mom, for god's sake. Mom might not have known a lot about a lot of stuff, but… she had enough experience with men, I can tell you that much."

  She drummed her fingers on the table.

  "Gotta be something mom got right. I mean… oh! Hurry? You liked one piece of advice mom had."

  "Really."

  "Well. Remember my… carrot lessons?"

  "Yeah…"

  "That worked out good, right?"

  "He never compined."

  "Eh. I remember one of the rare times mom would get me a free nail job, when I started car dating. Oh, the girls she worked with? All excited. You know, first car dates and all. We all been there. I was nervous about that. Just like you were, Hurry. No one's born with that, you know. No, one of the girls just said to… well I used a carrot, but… I got a hot dog lesson. It was all dies worked in the nail salon, and they were all friends, pce was closed for lunch, so… there you have it. The only good advice mom ever gave. Practice? Makes perfect."

  I almost choked on my chili.

  "Lightning? When I was 12… I got vastly different advice from my mom's friends, on dating."

  "Like…?"

  "It wasn't happening yet. At 12, I was more concerned with figuring out how to put down the perfect pie crust."

  "Ha. I was getting taught how to put down a hot dog! But seriously, no one does… that? Without practice. They giggled watching me try. Couple of them could do it. But, they're older, so… no biggie. They were nice. How I learned the… wet sloppy. Pffft. Problem solved. No more nervous about car dating. Everything else, just kinda happens."

  I was choking on my butter bread now. I thought for sure, she was fucking with me, but… didn't seem like it.

  He's over there, trying not to chuckle into his chili. Jesus Christ almighty. Twelve. You need your nails done, and mom's dy friends at lunch at work, are giving you blowjob tips on hot dogs, showing how to deep throat, but… you gotta want it, you gotta practice. I was working on my soccer and my horse riding then. And pie crusts. How to deep throat a hot dog, just never came up for me. Till much ter. The guys mentioned it, but… it was just which girls tried, and which ones didn't.

  There were broad simirities, in my young world and Lightning's young world. Sure, maybe around 10 to 12, I learned that blowjobs existed. Same as her age for learning of the existence of such a thing. End of the simirities. Her world? Some girls can put the hot dog all the way down? Some can't yet, and have to settle for the wet sloppy. In my world? And remember I'm a girl that's considered one of the guys. Older boys mentored younger boys on the finer points of that stuff. Our blowjob world? Was dividing the girls up. Some girls would put their mouth on it, some girls wouldn't.

  In Lightning's color world, all women put their mouth on it, it was a given. It was whether you could swallow it all or not. In my bck and white world? Some tried and some didn't. I think I was old enough to drive a car, before I heard a slightly credible report of one single boy that again "cimed" to have been swallowed. He wasn't generally believed, either. The farm boys and I was an honorary farm boy with equal access to any and all secret boy information, mind you. Getting a girl that would put her mouth on it? Was a big winner. There was no grading and rating it, beyond mouth yes or mouth no.

  I had been wondering, if Wiz was maybe jumping the gun a bit and going too hog wild on all his assumptions and conclusions. In the back of my mind, I was wondering if he could be slightly overzealous about everything, but no. There was no chance of that now.

  "Sex wasn't exactly a forbidden topic in your house growing up, was it?"

  "Well. I mean… you know boys and girls kiss and hold hands, from the time you can walk. People on TV are clearly doing something, you just don't necessarily know exactly what. Just in case, health css fills in the bnks. That's if you didn't have a birds and the bees book, or… girls didn't talk to you about boys at all. Then, there's magazines you can sneak a peek at. If you know where to look in the school library? There's medical textbooks if a girl at school knows which one to show you. It only takes one girl to have an older sister, and spills the beans, then all her little sister's friends know."

  "What's a birds and the bees book?"

  "Oh. People used to be all uptight about sex. You know that. Girls got married, and didn't know exactly what was going to go on, hell, the boys didn't know either. I can't imagine getting married, and you spend the entire honeymoon trying to figure out if you're sticking things in the right pce. You just know some people were scared and waited and just pretended they were doing it. So… there's the idea, that sex is natural. Not to be ashamed of it. You can buy birds and bees books for toddlers. Right at little kids stores. The cute story of the boy dog and the girl dog that liked each other… they pyed together, went swimming, pyed with toys… then they mated… then ter on? They have puppies. I remember having a puppy book, and a kitty book. How did you find out?"

  "I grew up on a farm. Trust me, the animals let you know what's going on. Telling me they were pying leapfrog? Didn't st long. Christ, you walk past a horse or a bull? You can see a couple foot long thing hanging out. I mean, its funny now, but I was real young. I asked, all innocent at the table one night. Dad? When the young bulls are all penned up together, why is it they're peeing in each other's butts?"

  We all kind of roared with ughter.

  "I mean, once you notice it, you can't not notice it. You keep looking, you know they pee out that thing… then… no, that is where its disappearing to. No doubt about it. My dad said they weren't doing that, I was mistaken. I said okay… then I tested it."

  "How'd you do that?"

  "One backed up against the fence? I taped a piece of notebook paper over his ass… sure enough, it was no… optical illusion, no trick of the poor lighting, like dad said. Goddamn hole in the paper, pin as day. I mean, you know something's going on. Really no big mystery on the farm."

  "Brought it up the next day at the dinner table, did you?"

  "Oh yeah, Light. My dad about choked on his… whatever the fuck went down the wrong way."

  "How did he expin that one?"

  "He just said, they didn't know any better. They had instinct to make a calf. That when they did that on a girl cow? It would make a calf."

  "In their ass?"

  I choked on my chili again.

  "No. I knew girl cows, had an extra hole to piss out of. And boy cows pissed out their… thingy."

  "Thingy."

  "Yes Light. When you were young, on our farm? Boy animals have a thingy. Girl animals have a hoo hoo."

  "Speaking of animals. Why is it called doggy style? If you're me at it that way, should be doggy style. If its… good that way? Should be called kitty style."

  It was his turn to choke on his chili. Finally.

  "I'll bite. Expin. Dogs and cats do the same thing, Light."

  "Bullshit they do. You don't hear dogs doing it. You gotta be there. No noise. Couple sniffs, then… uh uh uh… done. Its literally, three pumps and a dump. Watch. I ain't lying. Now. Cats? Man, cats know how to fuck…"

  He's coughing again, thumping his chest.

  "I mean seriously. First off? You can hear that shit, for an hour straight. Wakes the whole fucking neighborhood up. I'm a little kid. See, I had a cat liked me. I would give it ice cream. My buddy. I'm worried my ice cream cat is getting killed, you know? Mom assured me they were just having fun, making kitties. I didn't believe her. She told me. Think I'm lying? Take a fshlight, go look when you hear it. You'll see. So? I did. Eventually, I caught them."

  He coughed, but chest thumping was over. He would live.

  "Man… cats know how to fuck. The boy cat? He's digging his cws in, they're running around the yard. Girl cats gotta be having a ball, she wants everyone up and down the block to know she's getting smmed by a boy cat knows how to put it to her. He's biting her neck. Yeah, to hell with doggy style. Uh uh… I want kitty style. Rowr!"

  "Light? I think the girl cat's getting hurt…"

  "Then why does she come back, like twenty more times. It can take hours. No… you'll see the same two cats, again and again. My back yard must have been, like… cat make out point or something. No, she'd run away if she was being hurt in a way she didn't like. Uh uh, she's screaming to cat Jesus or some shit."

  We both chuckled.

  "I mean, someone noticed cats know how to y hairy pipe. They named the girl's hole a pussy. If it wasn't supposed to get done like that? It would have been called her doggy, not her pussy. But, it should be called kitty style."

  We agreed, she had a point there. She went on.

  "We even admit it today. Look at all the girls on the internet. You always see a girl with cute kitty nose and whiskers, cute cat ears. You almost never see a girl with a dog face on… duh. An ugly girl? Is called a dog. You do her quietly, get done as quick as possible and sneak off. Cat sex? Is sexy. Dog sex? Boring. You can just hit a button now, and the phone app will put the cat whiskers and ears on for you automatically. They ain't got a doggy button. Come on."

  You gotta hand it to her. She goes from disturbed 14 year old, all shy and in some ways? Innocent and demure. Body nguage of the young girl. To then? An outgoing, confident 19 year old who can easily seem even more experienced beyond her actual age. Body nguage shows that. Once in confident, mature 19 year old mode? She's a lot of things, and shy simply isn't one of them.

  "So. My basic chili, went good? You're not just being nice."

  "Its great. You ate it. If Hurry or me would have made you that chili, would you have thought you were being ripped off for lunch?"

  "No. I liked it too. Reminded me of… restaurant chili, some of them. So… this good girl lessons thing, this is new. I never once waited half this long, for… you know. And really, I thought it would suck, like, waiting for Christmas, but… its okay. Like, I know my birthday is right around the corner. And thanks for letting me fool around a little, Hurry. Its kinda fun to try before you buy that way. And you didn't brag or lie, he's… you know… fun size. Much bigger, and fun holes start getting closed. But, kitty fun territory. Kinda perfect. The gym thing? Worked out fine, trust me."

  I spoke up, to have some of my fun.

  "Gd you like him."

  "Yeah. Its almost like I'm in the room."

  She giggled.

  "What. You're all shy all of a sudden. It is cute, Hurry. The nice guy thing. Yeah, you can get used to that. So… that's the basic game pn. You… wait a little. Not too long, but a little bit. And then, I'm a good girl, so. Its not like I pretend I don't want it. But… instead of stretching out those three dates? I'm stretching out… pretending I'm deciding… across those three dates. Do I have the right idea?"

  "Um. More or less. You're not a cock tease, but… not like you're giving a bus ride. Bus pulls in on a schedule every day. You know. Medium. You more or less know you can get a bus ride, but you gotta hit the bus stop every day, couple days, before you catch the bus. Then, the bus pulls up? Hey, here we go."

  "And… you really like when I dress less sexy, at first. I mean, I know he likes it. He's gaga for you, and no offense, but… your whole wardrobe is cold showers. He's still crazy for you. All my closet full of stuff, and… he wants me in clothes like I'm ready to go cut the grass. And… okay I get it. This guarantees, that he likes me, just for me? And my body too, but… him liking me, comes first. Then the bod."

  I nodded.

  "Yeah. Remember. You saw him coming up like a puppy dog, you at the sports girl railing between csses. Coffee? Coffee? Carry those books? No end to it. You know he likes you, wants to get at you. No mystery to it. Now… he met you, and… when did he get interested again."

  "Honest? The first time I had a deep talk. I couldn't believe it. He was all like… sorry I misjudged you, you really are special… I mean, he liked that thing where I couldn't use a guy, and it expined how I was, and all of a sudden? Like a light switch. He's back. And… I could wear a wet bnket over me, he's fine with it. I swear, the less clothes, the less hair, the less make up? Its like… you're right. He likes it even more."

  "You got the right thing, Light. He likes… you. Yes, you're that pole vaulter he stared at for years, and he found one, but… he likes y-o-u. And… any imperfections you have? Don't take away. You could have a birthmark, a burn on your leg, a scar. Something you normally would be sensitive about? It no longer matters. Because he likes you."

  "He… even knows. And… I mean, what I catch hell from other guys for, he knows its, like, a hundred times worse than all they know about me, and… he still…"

  "Yeah."

  "I mean 880 people in that town. Nearly every one of them hated me, mom included. I can count on one hand, the few that tolerated me. For four years. And… then I escape, no one knows? I'm still dirt and no one even knows. Now? He… he definitely knows it all, and… I feel, I don't know. Guilty? Spoiled? Its weird. I got this little nervous thing. I know he likes me. Both ways, not just my physical appearance. And I'm still a tiny bit nervous. Man, I hope he keeps liking me. Part of me is slightly afraid to… be good to him that way, and the other part says… no, he deserves it more than the other monthly guys did."

  "Yeah. You're trying to describe something. That you can't describe."

  "I feel… guilty. That, monthly guys got it quick, and got anything. And he has to wait, when I feel like he's proved something already, that makes him better. And, you're pretty sure that after I… knock things loose on him, it won't… ruin this."

  "Shouldn't, no."

  "Its weird. So… I should be confident, but I'm still nervous. Which fucks with me, because with the other ones? I was confident, but I feel like I should have been nervous. And wasn't. And I'm just calling that something, guilty. More like, slight butterflies before a game."

  "Okay. You might be describing, what I can't describe. Butterflies. But… you're getting over that unsure thing, right? It doesn't matter why he really likes you, he just does."

  "I'm… in therapy. I can't lie, or I shouldn't lie. I still feel like… a public toilet, but… why would a quality guy like this, like me, just for me, if I was nothing but a public toilet. I'm… fttered."

  "You… feel it. I think."

  "This is… love, right?"

  "Pretty sure. Yeah. You were in lust before. Ooh. Guy had a bod I like. Nice. Is this not different?"

  "Yeah… it is."

  "There you go. You've never been in love before. Have you."

  "No. I thought… no."

  "Anything else? Expin. Ask."

  "All right. Expin this whole… how in the hell, is Hurry. The original goody two shoes farm girl. What the fuck. You've hurricane-d girls, practically, for just looking at him wrong. How is this…"

  "Okay. Here's how I see this. Let me expin. You, and Right. You told us, other people know. You and her. You, took her over to a boys house. Hey, we're gonna share you. She wants to learn to do what I brag about. I'm gonna give her lessons. On you. We share you, all weekend. Boy was like, what?"

  "Oh. He took one look at me coming back. With her? Pffft."

  "Now. You didn't love him. You just…"

  "Right, right."

  "She didn't. Just…"

  "Fun. Sure."

  "So? It was nothing. We're friends. I'm gonna share this guy with you. Like you're sharing an ice cream cone, as kids, on a hot summer day. Okay, I get a minute of licks… okay, your turn. Basically. You shared a lollipop."

  "More or less. Yeah."

  "This? Isn't like that. I don't do that. You know that."

  "No. I know. You got two guys in two years. You don't even cim a track record before that. You're serious? Or nothing."

  "Yes. Now… I'm on the internet."

  "Yeah. The internet. Always a good start. Go on…"

  "Now. Here's how it was expined. People talk about… I really belong to him. She really belongs to me. You hear this shit, all the time."

  "Yeah."

  "Okay. They said? No, you don't. If a person really belonged to you? You… own them. They want to be owned, by you. You want? To own them. Now… they expined. And follow this, makes sense. Okay. If you really own something? Prove it. What's the only true test of ownership."

  "Here it is. Um… possession? Is nine tenths of the w."

  "Nope. You can rent a car. Here it is. But… you don't own it. You just have it. Right now. It will go back, eventually. Not yours. Now. You can own a car, but… how can you prove its really yours, you really own it?"

  "Hmm. How."

  "One way? You can give it away. Seriously. I can't give you, sign over, my rented car. Why? Its not mine. I can't give it to you. I don't own it. Only the owner? Can give it away. Giving it away? Proves ownership."

  "Okay. I'm following this. You haven't lost me. Yet."

  "All right. That night. Our first night, you know the one. I expined to him, you? Are mine. You're my property. No one else, just me. He swears, that's fine. He's been through the show game. He's been through the opposite, the guy that the cute Latinas wanted a gringo to py with. But… he wants both. We both want? Permanent. Now. Do I not tell anyone? How many times you heard me say it. This? Is mine. Don't even think about it, we're not pying games about this."

  "Oh yeah."

  "Then, this website. Proof of ownership? You have to own it, to give it away. Or, share it. Okay, pretend you have 10 grand on you. Cash. You can pretend its your money. But, if you're just taking your boss's cash to the bank on Monday? Its not yours, you just have it, and can't give it or loan it. Not yours. Now, if I can give you some. To keep, or… just to borrow and give back? Then its really mine. I proved, I actually own it."

  "Its strange, but… I proved that rape and good sex? Differ only in that you hate or like the person… other than that? Identical acts. So… I'm following this logic. Strange, but… no less strange than I guess my rape-sex theory is to people."

  "You borrow a dirt bike. You can't loan rides or overnight loan it out. No. You can get in trouble. You have to own the dirt bike, to allow someone to ride it, or borrow it for the night or the weekend. He's my dirt bike. I like to ride him. I own him. I'm proving I really own him? By sharing and loaning him, to you. And, if you knew me and my dirt bike? I don't let just anyone ride it. We gotta be friends, I gotta trust you're not going to fuck my nice expensive dirt bike up."

  She nodded.

  "Now. Here's where some of the other stuff comes in."

  "Go on. I'm intrigued."

  "We both know, he liked you. I mean, pffft. Correct?"

  "Yeah."

  "Then… he didn't understand, or know where you were coming from."

  "No, my stock quote dropped. The girl he thought was perfect, was… not like he thought. I get it, he likes good girls. I really don't pass myself off as a good girl. I know how I can come off."

  "Okay. He has to… approve of the person I loan him to. He has to like them. And, they have to be a close friend, so its safe to him. That, he trusts this. I told him, that's fair. I can't just give you to… someone you hate, or don't like them. And? It has to be a close friend. Then… we both already know he likes your body. But, when you talked deep, bang. There he is. He came back to me… wow. I really like her. I didn't know. I judged her wrong. Okay. I'll do it."

  "Now, here we are. Hurry, is sharing her property with me. Wow."

  "Yeah. Now, this goes back. From you, to him, right?"

  "Oh, Hurry. You… know how I get treated. Talked about. Even if its joking, its right to my face. That party? I mean, you let me hang on him, and… no one would say boo to me. Everyone treated me different. Not one guy would smack me on the ass. I felt like… you feel. Then, when phone cunt tried to start shit for me… she sends texts and pictures and videos down… my ex, who was calling me a whore, and just dumped me… he comes up from her shit, brings four or five guys with him… he just sits there, expins how it is. You saw them. Stopped them dead in their tracks. This? Mine now. You gave it up. I took it. Mine. No more whore. Shit stopped. Immediately. I'm getting apology texts now. That… drunk guy? He handled that. I… don't get this treatment."

  "Yeah. And… I don't know how or why. How many times did I ask you… he's there? Bang. We're onto this. He? Gets information out of you that I can't get, and I'm supposed to have an idea what I'm doing. He gets information out of you, that you don't even know! I can't do therapy? Without him."

  "And… this isn't the cheap thrill I had with Right that weekend. This… I'm allowed, to… actually…"

  I smiled.

  "Yeah. We talked about it, me and him. He wouldn't even be here, if it wasn't for you. You…"

  "And, you want me to learn, what… its like. So, I can…"

  "Yeah. I do. I'm not jealous. I'm happy. All right, I won't lie. Originally? My idea was. Yeah. I own him. I can share him. I'm gonna watch. My rules. But… that's not where we ended up."

  "I'm really not a… toy. I'm… I was a toy to the once a month guys. It was what I could get. This…"

  "Mm hmm."

  "I don't… get the plug pulled when the warranty period runs out."

  "No. Not like that. I mean, he's mine, I own him, but… you're the same as me, in a way. He has to like you. He does. If you don't… hurt him. If you're like me, and don't… monthly. Yeah."

  "Rules?"

  "You can't beat on my dirt bike. I mean, you can ride it hard in the dirt, trust me, that's what a dirt bike's for, to get a fun ride, but… you can't hurt him to be mean. You can't… torture him, emotionally. Fuck with him, like you know girls do, like psychotic cunts."

  "I promise. And…"

  "Its a secret. I keep your secrets, don't I? Its not bckmail, but… quid pro quo. We keep this private. Oh, you're his girlfriend too when we go out, but, to the house? They just think he's doing that as a favor to me, and to you."

  "Another promise. Trust me, I don't want my secrets out. And you damn well know, I can keep one. Anything else?"

  "Well. If you want to… be rough? I… have to okay that, and be there. But, short of that? You guys are allowed to. You know. Be private. With both of you understanding, I'm not ignored. Nor you. We… share and share alike. We, can tag team. We can switch nights. We can have weekends on and off, whatever. But… no jealousy. You're not trying to… steal him. I'm not jealous of you getting everything I get. Let's say, I go home for the break. Him and daddy? Big no no. Have fun. My blessing."

  "I don't know what to say."