Chapter Four - You Can Lie on a Report, But Reports Don't Lie

  "How do empires fall? We like to think that it's some great event, a massive turn of the wheel, the loss of a great war. But more often than not, empires from the Khwarezmian, to the Romans of Constantinople to the Xin Empire, fall because of slights and insults and mismanagement.

  There is nothing more capable of destroying what is perceived as indestructible as weaponized incompetence.

  If you want to take down a foe, find your place within their organization, and fail repeatedly."

  --The Manual of Empire Destruction, 9th edition, 2036

  ***

  I moved over to the back of Delilah's couch and sat up against the backrest. "Alright, so if I'm getting the gist of this situation, my boy Juno over here is... what, in a big-wig meeting? Chatting with his bosses? Is that right, Juno?"

  There was a shuffling on the other end of the line. "That is... correct, Samurai Stray Cat," Juno replied. He was sounding particularly... ass-kissy? No, that wasn't right. It was more that he was being very cautious. Picking his words. Maybe picking his battles too.

  My guy was caught between a samurai and what was either his boss, or his mother in law. I didn't exactly envy him.

  "Ma'am, do you want me to make introductions?" Juno asked.

  "This is highly irregular," the woman who'd spoken earlier said. She sounded a little less like she wanted to rip someone's face off, so that was nice. "But yes, might as well."

  "Thank you," Juno said before he hesitated. I wondered who he'd begin with? "Samurai Stray Cat, this is General Liu of the Royal Canadian Army, and General Martin of the same. As well as General of the Air Force Roy, and Admiral Wilson of the Navy and my direct superior officer, Lieutenant General Poulin. There are some two dozen others here, but I believe that that covers the, ah, higher ups in the brass that are present."

  Ah... shit. "Myalis, what the fuck?" I asked after muting the mic.

  I thought it would be a good way for you to make valuable new contacts?

  "No, you thought it'd be funny," I accused.

  Don't you think my sense of humour would be more developed than that?

  "No," I said.

  Hmm. Interesting observation. Now, will you continue to be silent or are you going to make the best out of this situation?

  I pushed off the couch and started pacing again. Part of me was really pissed off, another part was grudgingly agreeing with Myalis. This might be a good deal here. And this teeny-tiny part of me thought it was funny too. It'd probably be funnier in hindsight.

  I unmuted the call. "Pleasure to meet you, generals, admirals and others," I said. "Sorry for dropping in so suddenly. I really was just trying to get into contact with Lieutenant Colonel Juno."

  "Was the matter urgent, ma'am?" Juno asked.

  "Somewhat. I'm heading over to Quebec. I got a tip that the city needs all the help it can get, and I happen to be very helpful." When someone put a gun to my head, sure. "Since the wall there is occupied by the army, I thought I'd check in with you to see if you couldn't... liaise with them for me."

  That was how that word worked, right? I wasn't a liaising sorta woman.

  "We... pardon me, ma'am would you mind if we muted you for a moment?" Juno asked.

  "Go ahead? Lemme know when you're ready."

  The line went dead, though I still had an indicator letting me know that it was active. I glanced up as Delilah wandered in. She had switched from coffee to water, and she handed me a closed bottle. "How did the call go?"

  "Still on. They muted me," I said. "I'm chatting with Juno and like, four generals? Does an admiral count as a sort of general?"

  "How did that happen?"

  "Myalis is a bitch?" I tried as an explanation. Judging by Delilah's flat look, that wasn't quite enough. "She called the room Juno was in. That room was in the middle of some sneaky-sneaky general meeting of the Generals. Or maybe it was like a weekly thing they do? I don't know how the army works. Point is, they're discussing it now."

  "I see, that might not be a terrible thing, assuming that you can convince them tha--"

  I raised a hand in a one-moment gesture, cutting her off. "Miss Stray Cat? We're back," Juno said.

  "Hey, I'm here. I'm going to patch in a friend, if you don't mind."

  "That would be another breach of--" General Hardass said.

  "Everyone, this is Samurai Gomorrah, from New Montreal," I said with a smug smile that I hoped they could hear. "She's assisting me with the potential Quebec issue."

  Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

  "Greetings, Samurai Gomorrah," the general said. "A pleasure to meet you. Now, onto business? Your call is suspiciously well-timed. We just happened to be talking about the situation in Quebec."

  "Oh?" I asked.

  "As you may be aware, the current state of the global incursion, at least within the Canadian territory, has somewhat stabilized. There are still several open fronts, especially near the more northern cities, but every Mega City, from New Montreal to Ontario to Toronto Two is already green. We have a few green-orange situations. Calgary has been a hotspot, but otherwise, things are more or less handled."

  "Cool. Good job. Pats on the back for everyone," I said.

  "Yes, quite. There are several anomalies, however. Notably, Quebec."

  Shocking. "Right," I said. "What can you tell us?"

  "Surprisingly, a lot," the general said. "There are provisions for calling in Samurai for assistance and revealing information that might otherwise best be kept private. We'll be relying on those for the moment, but I want to be clear, we're extending you a courtesy. We don't owe you our assistance, and you, likewise, don't owe us. This is for our mutual benefit."

  "Alright," I said. Sounded normal enough to me. Like not ratting the local dealer out in exchange for them not selling to you and yours. Or something like that. "So, what can you tell us?"

  "That's the issue. We can't tell you much. The city has been reporting as usual, but the accounting doesn't add up. Trying to contact senior officers in the field has frequently failed."

  "Failed in what way?" Delilah asked. "Communications are cut off entirely, or you're receiving false reports?"

  "The latter," the general said. "Casualty reports came in, then were adjusted after the fact. Then we received requisition requests for amounts of equipment that surpassed the number of troops on the scene. There are contingencies in place to draft a rapid militia, if the need for it arises. Early reports suggest that that is what happened, but then reports became sporadic and unreliable."

  "You think someone's fucking with the reports on purpose?" I asked.

  Juno cleared his throat. "It's possible. Or it could be that the senior officers in place are compromised, but we think it's more likely that there is a... third cause."

  "And that is?"

  "Samurai interference, coupled with higher than usual casualties, coupled with a deterioration of the chain of command," the women said. I think it was General Liu. "With how occupied we have been over the last weeks, some things slipped our attention, but we were just preparing an investigative team when your unprompted call came in."

  "Well well," I said. "Good timing, huh? Alright, in that case. What's the plan?"

  "What kind of assistance were you looking for?" General Liu asked, turning the tables around.

  I glanced at Delilah, then shrugged. "We need a base of operations within Quebec. I don't know if we can trust the locals and such, so it'd be nice to have a place to land our vehicles and store some stuff. When we were working on the Big Gun, it was handy, having a bunch of soldiers around."

  "Deal," the General said. "That'll give us the excuse we need to send at least one platoon-sized force, followed shortly by a battalion. If the situation calls for it, we can move some troops around. I hear that New Montreal has been particularly stable."

  I squinted at that. "Yeah. But don't send out all of our folk just like that. Plus, I don't plan on going there alone. We'll probably be between three and five Samurai coming in as reinforcements. If Quebec is being messed with by aliens, we're going to wipe them out. Hopefully fast and hard and in time for supper."

  "We can work with that," General Liu said. "Lieutenant Colonel Juno, it's somewhat unusual to ask this so casually, but would you and your forces be willing to assist?"

  "We've had a week to recuperate from the last big project," Juno replied. "I think my men would like to work with Samurais Stray Cat and Gomorrah again, yes."

  "Cool," I said. "Send me the details. We're probably going to fly over, but it'd be nice to arrive at around the same time. I've got some calls to make to some others, see who's coming with."

  "Understood. How soon are you planning on waiting before you head out?" the general asked.

  "Uh... not tomorrow, so the day after, at the earliest? Around... three?"

  Dammit, now I'd even given it a date and time, people were going to expect shit.

  ***