The door burst into ash and debris as John kicked it open and marched through onto the street outside. Looking down the left-hand side of the enclosed carriageway he spotted his target and summoned his guns.

  The shrimp looked at him and as they locked eyes, time stopped.

  New Quest:

  Shrimp On The Barbie

  Objective:

  Kill the shrimp 0/1

  Reward:

  X100 shards

  Well look what we have here folks, the familiar and jovial voice of the announcer chimed from all around and inside them. Our cowardly little duo have finally grown back bones! But will they become the main course on tonight’s menu? In this corner, weighing in at 567 pounds, Barbie the Shrimp, though there’s nothing shrimpy about this princess, just look at the size of those claws. Annnddd in this corner, weighing in at 185 pounds and sporting a face that’s sure to make even the most stoic baby cry, it’s John Doe and his partner Trrruufffllleeeee! Ding! Ding! Ding!

  Time restarted and John flew into action, rushing down the street and firing off a barrage of bullets into the armoured giant.

  Like clockwork, the shrimp focused on him and began angrily gnashing its pincers as it dashed towards him on comically small legs which moved in blur beneath it.

  Sprinting towards the kaiju and regretting his cobbled together, last minute plan, John dropped to his knees and slid underneath the behemoth like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing.

  He fired round after round at its underside, hoping that it would be unprotected. That was a mistake.

  The underside of the kaiju became a death gauntlet in seconds as its belly shell reflected the rounds causing them to ricochet between it and the pavement below, with John trapped in the middle.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fucckk!” He yelled as he danced around on his knees, narrowly avoiding his own bullets and adding stylish new holes to his new duster as he went.

  The duster was armoured, but it wasn’t bulletproof just yet and John rolled out of the underside of the beast and took a brief moment to catch his breath.

  ***

  Truffle was a gallant steed galloping into battle behind his master. As John ran, with both arms raised, firing at tonight’s dinner, Truffle stuck to the opposite side of the street and tried to remain inconspicuous as he approached the shrimp.

  John’s plan seemed sound in theory, though Truffle was still hesitant to ruin such a good meal by cooking it. Still, if that was the plan then he’d have to grit his teeth and do it anyway.

  As John slid underneath the beast, Truffle reached the fire escape nearby. He trotted up the stairs, one step at a time.

  The wind was fierce as he got higher up and looking down over the street made his head spin. Was this what it felt like to be big? He’d spent his whole life the size of a man’s shoe, being able to see over the tops of the smaller buildings was… terrifying.

  He tried to move his trotters, but they were frozen to the ground. His stomach flopped inside of him and he feared that he might vomit at any moment.

  Eyes spinning like Mistress Anne after a night out, the world seemed hazy and it was all moving too fast. He needed to get down. He needed to get his trotters back on solid ground.

  Was this how tall people always felt? Perhaps from this high up you could feel the Earth rotating in space, was that what the spinning was? Either way, Truffle didn’t like it one bit.

  The world shook violently and his back trotter slipped through the gap in the steps, hanging in mid-air.

  He yelped and hurriedly pulled it back up.

  Who makes stairs with gaps this big? He thought as his panicked brain tried desperately to make sense of the spinning.

  Something moved out of the corner of his eye and he saw the shrimp turning around to face John who was stood behind it now with his hands on his knees, panting.

  He glanced up at Truffle but didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to.

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  The teacup pig had known John since a few weeks after he’d been born, sometimes he thought he knew that man better than he knew himself. John needed him and no amount of scary steps and spinning was going to stop Truffle from protecting him.

  For the Boss!

  ***

  John dived to the side as the oversized barbecue grill, clutched tightly in the shrimp’s claw, impacted the concrete.

  The ground split open and a burst pipe sprayed water high into the air causing rainbow colours to glitter and stream across John’s vision.

  Deftly, he rolled to the side and got to his feet, being careful not to fall up the curb. Hot coals spilled out of the barbecue’s lid and rained down around him, sizzling as the water droplets forced steam to puff out of the red and black rocks.

  A faint mist covered the side street and John used the distraction to take a moment to carefully aim up at the shrimp.

  Relying on his locate weakness and marksmanship skills to take the wheel, he raised a single pistol, with both hands, up at the crustacean’s face. Something tingled in the back of his mind and a hunch formed.

  Shrimp have eyes, though small ones, and they also have mouths. If he wanted his bullets to pierce its flesh then he’d need to find a way to hit the soft parts.

  He already knew that of course, that was why he’d originally tried to get underneath the monster. However, shooting out the eyes of a monster that was taller than a building with eyes smaller than golf balls was a tall order.

  John was seriously hoping that there was another way, but his skill hadn’t steered him wrong this far so there probably wasn’t.

  He raised the golden inlayed revolver with both hands, dropping its twin back into his card, and closed one eye. John had been taught to shoot before the world went to shit and he knew that tactically, closing one eye was dangerous.

  There was a school of thought that suggested keeping both eyes open to prevent being caught off guard by narrowing your field of vision.

  That may have been good advice in a war zone, but John’s only opponent was a giant shrimp, how much could it really catch him off guard when he was staring up at its face? Besides, he’d always found it easier to aim with one eye closed, doing so centred his vision and calmed him.

  Aiming at the right eye, he carefully squeezed the trigger and the round exploded from the chamber… and bounced harmlessly off the shrimp’s cheek.

  Wait, do shrimps have cheeks? He thought before suddenly finding himself flying through the air, a burning pain shooting through his side and displacing the breath from his lungs.

  A giant claw struck him in the ribs on his left side and launched him through the steaming cloud. He landed on the concrete, dazed and in pain.

  So much for not being caught off guard, he thought sullenly as he coughed and spluttered and pulled himself up from the ground.

  The shrimp advanced, dented barbecue in hand… or rather, in claw… John staggered to the side looking around for a spot to retreat to but there was none. He was trapped between a kaiju and a building. The street looked like the aftermath of a natural disaster and as he tried to run to the side, he realised his ankle was twisted.

  “Truffle!” He shouted, panic evident in his voice, “any time now!”

  He lifted his pistols and began firing alternatively into the shrimp’s face. Round after round bounced off its shell but he only needed one shot to hit its target to win. If he couldn’t do that using precision then he’d have to attempt suppressing fire in the hope that he’d get lucky.

  The shrimp advanced until it was the only thing filling his vision. Lifting its barbecue up in the air it prepared to turn John into a pancake.

  He kept firing and wondered if this was going to be his final moment. Where the hell was Truffle? He was the linchpin to John’s brilliant, and cobbled together at the last possible second, plan. He needed his companion. The plan hadn’t been perfect and there had been one gaping hole in his idea, but they could still pull it off, he just needed Truffle to act.

  John had originally hoped to topple the shrimp from underneath by shooting at the weak spot he’d hoped it had there, then Truffle was supposed to snort phosphorus bombs at it from above to finish it off.

  Well you know what they say about best laid plans, he thought as he stared into the eyes of the kaiju, which swung its barbecue down at him, the remaining few coals spilling out and falling onto him, sizzling his duster.

  “Cowabunga!”

  Heat lashed at John’s skin from above and he had to raise his hands to his brow to shield his eyes from the brilliant flames.

  Truffle soared through the air like a chubby little bird, snorting phosphorus like he had flamethrowers in his nostrils.

  Searing scarlet flames latched onto the crustacean’s face and it let out an ear-splitting scream as it staggered backwards, dropping the outdoor kitchen grill it had been using as a weapon.

  “Holy shit,” John whispered, staring on in awe as his pig torched the fucker. “That smells delicious.”

  The shrimp threw its claws to its face and began desperately batting at the sticky flames but it was no use. Its eyes must have caught some of the blast because it seemed to be burning from the inside out. Either that or the heat from the flames was causing it to cook inside its own shell. John wasn’t sure that Truffle’s power would emit enough heat for that, but it would seem that he stood corrected.

  He’d never been too fond of seafood, but today he thought he might make an exception.

  Steam leaked from the shell as the delectable smell of cooked shrimp wafted through the air, marred only by the horrifying, high pitched screams of the dying monster.

  Apparently killing things with fire was on today’s agenda…

  “Bossss!” Truffle screamed and John was woken from his reverie by the growing shadow that was cast on the ground in front of him,

  Looking up, he saw Truffle falling at an alarming speed and he ran underneath the shadow, hoping to catch him. The little pig had just saved his life and he wasn’t about to let him splatter against the pavement.

  However, with his twisted ankle John’s movement was stunted and Truffle was falling faster than he could walk. In a flash of inspired desperation he dived forwards with both arms outstretched and caught the pig, pulling him close to his chest as he rolled on the ground, pain shooting through his lower leg.

  “Thanks buddy,” he said as the shivering teacup pig nuzzled into his chest. He was warm and so small, like a child.

  Wow, what a show that turned out to be! We had fights, fears, drama, injury, everything you could hope to see so early on in Battle Royale Earth. And if watching the fire show made you as hungry as it made me, do I have a treat for you! Here’s a little word from our sponsors who have the best seafood in the galaxy.

  Static filled the air for a moment and John was pretty certain it was all over.

  “Sponsors, seriously?” He said, shaking his head and struggling to get to his feet.

  “It’s a game show, of course it has sponsors,” Truffle replied, seeming to have regained his usual energetic composure. “And if we keep putting on shows like this, maybe we’ll have our own soon.”

  “We’ve got a long way to go before that buddy. First we need cards and-”

  “No, first” the pig interrupted, “we need to find somewhere to stay for the night. You’re injured and I’m starving.”