There was one thing that was in my mind, everything at school seemed fine, but at home. I never tried to tell my parents. The way I saw it back then was that if I found out it would turn out worse than it already was for me, and it mostly did. Nanano would have been the one to break it to them, but first, let’s let me come home.

  “Ayame, let’s walk home!”- Nanano and her friends shouted from behind me, I stopped and waited for them, it couldn’t hurt for them to walk me home.

  “Sure!”- I was pretty anxious back then, I was thinking about what would happen when my parents dressed like this. It wasn’t pretty when they did see me. But, let’s get there first.

  !Don’t fear!- I can hear a voice that sounded like that of a woman in my mind. Am I hallucinating?

  “Nanano, look, you will going to help me with something. It’s about my parents, I don’t know how they will react to this”- Nanano looks a little surprised.

  “Your parents don’t know. Even if they don’t they will be a bit shocked but I don’t think they will kick you out or anything”

  “You don’t know them. I had an older sister, I still talk to her to this day. She was kicked out and disowned when our parents found out she had a girlfriend”- Nanano stopped and her hands began to shake

  “I didn’t know. That’s a problem. Look, I have an idea. You will have to follow my lead, ok? Please trust me with this”- Nanano held my hand looking me straight in the eyes.

  “I guess, I don’t know what to do”

  We continued to talk about what Nanano had in pn, she is a member of the drama/theater club at school. In short, she pnned that she would stay a little bit in my home and we will be “practicing” for an upcoming py and that I have to py the role of a girl due to a member not being able to take part in the py.

  We arrived at my house, this is it.

  My mom opened the door, she seemed to recognize me.

  “Who are you 3?”- She looked at Nanano and her friends. My mom’s gaze was sharp and didn’t let any detail escape.

  “We are from the drama club at your child’s school. They were chosen to repce a member who couldn’t take part in the py. We need to practice with them for a little. Would it be ok if we do it here?”- Nanano looked so innocent when asking my mom. Her voice was so soft, that she would be able to soothe anyone with it.

  “It’s ok, but one question. Why is my son dressed as a girl?”

  “Well, that is the role that they py. This was a st-second change, we couldn’t be picky about who we chose”- Nanano smiled at my mom.

  My mom sighed and invited us into the house. The 4 of us had gone straight to my room.

  “See, I told you, I got your back”- Nanano whispered to me.

  “Ok. Let’s make this more real. Let’s just repeat just random lines and try to make it a py.”- They nodded in agreement

  !I am sorry!- I heard the same female voice in my mind again. Who is this woman?

  !Don’t worry. Peace will come soon!- Peace? What peace? What is going on here? Am I going insane?

  !Sorry, couldn’t do much!- Who is speaking?

  !Regret for life lived!- What does she mean by that?

  !Know, when we meet!- Again, her voice, this time it’s quiet. It’s very quiet.

  I tried to keep my focus on the “py” that we were rehearsing for.

  I changed my clothes. I tried to give them back to Nanano but she insisted I keep them.

  “No, you can come and change at school. These are yours, it’s a gift from a girl to another girl. Ok?”- I smiled and packed the clothes somewhere where no one would find them.

  I guess it’s time to go about my home life. It feels so awkward to wear male clothes in the house. Well, I guess I have no choice here.

  I just stayed locked in my room for a long time, or until I had to eat with my family. The time spent in my room back then was mostly trying on clothes that I bought for myself a while back. I tried on new styles. I felt so happy back then, after that, the only thing I remember is giggling on the bed. When I do that it’s usually a sign that I am happy.

  The time that came to have dinner with my family, wasn’t as bad as I expected.

  But there were some questions, I didn’t answer any of them. I just shut up and ate.

  The next day arrived. Things seem to go faster for me now. I don’t know if time passed faster because I was spending a lot of time on myself or I just didn’t notice it.

  I still can’t believe that something like this happened to me of all people. I feel like life is too good for me.

  In the morning before going to school, I remembered the voice of the woman I heard talking to me. It still seemed strange that she talked to me. I think I will have to visit a psychiatrist for this.

  I dressed in the clothes that Nanano gave me. She also left me makeup materials. I don’t know what they are even called. I tried different things until I was satisfied with it. I got out of the house, I just told my mom bye before going to school. She didn’t see how I was dressed.

  I meet Nanano on the road to school. It seems like she lives further away from the school than me. I live around 5km away from school and walk there every day. She lives 6km away from the school.

  “Hey, Nanano!”- She turned to look at me. She smiled and waved.

  “I was going to wait for you at the bus station!”

  “Bus station? I always walk to school”- I stopped to look at Nanano, she looked really confused.

  “Well, it could be fun. I never walked that distance to school. I always took the bus. Why do you like walking this distance anyway?”

  “I don’t know. I was always in my head and I could have time for myself. Now it could be fun to walk to school with you because I have a friend”- I smiled at her, she grabbed my hand and we began to walk to school.

  “So. I have a question for you. Before us and, you know, before me. Did you have any male friends?”- This question hurts a lot. I did have them.

  “I did have male friends. They were good friends a while back. But when I told them that I am a girl, they decided to make fun of me and not include me in the friend group”- I looked at the ground. I didn’t want to remember this at all. That time was horrible. I tried to not mind these things, but there comes a point where they start to take a toll on you.

  “You have me and the other girls now. You don’t have to worry about this too much. We are here for you Ayame”

  “Now that you mention it, where are the other girls?”- I looked around and couldn’t see them.

  “They live on the opposite side of the city from us. We will meet them at school.”

  Me and Nanano spoke until the moment we reached the school where the other girls were.

  My conversations with Nanano comforted me. I left out some details of our conversations, mostly small talk about school and books that we read. Nanano likes reading Edogawa Ranpo and Chuya Nakahara and also a few Western authors, them there was Menma Aishi, to my surprise, she isn’t from Japan, like Brandon Varnell she is a foreign author who moved to Japan a few years ago. She is 18 or 19 years old as of now, making her 1-2 years older than me since I am 17 right now.

  For context, when I got reincarnated in the world where I met Hikaru and Hana. I spent 5 years there, I was around 22-23 years old when I met them. I heard about Hikaru and Hana from other sources before. It’s important since, pretty soon I will find out about them. I wish my dreams or my recollections would be happier. At least I can skip some portion of them, I could skip them entirely but for some reason, I still live through them again. I don’t know why, but I do.

  I don’t know what is it about the memories that make me want to live them again. It’s like I am trapped in them forever when I am asleep.